- Lisa Simpson: Apu, how did you survive?
- Apu: As a vegetarian, I did not eat any tainted burgers. And as a convenience store owner, I'm armed to the teeth.
- Marge Simpson: Let us in. We have the chosen one.
- Soldier: Welcome, son. To survive, all we must do is eat your flesh.
- Marge Simpson: Hold it right there, bub. What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their saviour?
- Count Dracula: Ah, Halloween. The one day when we can walk the streets undetected.
- Jimbo Jones: Hey, lame-os! Turner Classic Movies called. They want their costumes back!
- Marge Simpson: [Dracula, the Mummy, Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman are at the door] Friends of Homer's?
- Homer Simpson: They're not my friends.
- Count Dracula: We brought a bottle of booze. Booooze!
- Homer Simpson: Come in, come in.
- Lisa Simpson: [on cell phone] I'm at Krabapple's. Have you established your alibi?
- Bart Simpson: Yes. I'm at the tennis match.
- Lisa Simpson: Will people remember you were there?
- Bart Simpson: [Mooning crowd at tennis court] Oh, I'm pretty sure they will.
- Marge Simpson: I can't shoot her. She's Lisa's godmother.
- Apu: You can apologize to her in hell.
- Marge Simpson: I guess I could.
- Moe Szyslak: [as he's carried away by munchers] Little tip, you might want to wash me before you eat me.
- Bart Simpson: Let's play "who gets to carry the chosen one"!
- [Climbs on Lisa's shoulders; he gets hit on the head by a branch]
- Lisa Simpson: Aw, what's wrong? Did the chosen one got a bump on his chosen widdle noggin'?
- Marge Simpson: Does this mean you still love me?
- Homer Simpson: Of course I do. Can you still love a man who's half beer?
- Marge Simpson: I always have.
- Lisa Simpson: But I didn't kill Krabappel!
- Bart Simpson: What? You mean to tell me you just rang her doorbell and ran?
- Lisa Simpson: Of course! Ding-dong ditch! You didn't say to kill her!
- Bart Simpson: You don't say "kill", because you're smart. What I meant was kill that ding-dong and throw her in a ditch. Ding-dong ditch! Sheesh, read a book once in a while.
- Rainier Wolfcastle: Come with me if you want to live.
- [He is attacked by munchers]
- Homer Simpson: Another politician who can't keep his promises.
- Principal Skinner: Lisa Simpson in detention? My horoscope said I would see something interesting today, but I thought that would be the horoscope itself.
- Homer Simpson: To the panic room!
- Marge Simpson: We don't have a panic room!
- Homer Simpson: To the panic room store!
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, are you becoming a muncher?
- Homer Simpson: I think the better brains is, which brains is a brains?
- [after being bitten by zombie-Kent Brockman]
- Krusty the Clown: Hey! That's my check-cashing arm, you stupid...
- [turns into a zombie]