How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
The Playbook (2009)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Lily Aldrin : I had Shelley reserved for Ted for three years!
Barney Stinson : Well, he didn't miss much. She's brainy and whiny and boring in bed. Hey, maybe she is perfect for Ted.
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Barney Stinson : The Playbook contains every scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flimflam, strategem and bamboozle I've ever used, or I've ever hoped to use, to pick up chicks and give'em a business.
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Girl : [the play SNASA] Wow! You're an astronaut?
Barney Stinson : Shhh! I'm actually in a top-secret government space program called Secret NASA, or SNASA.
Girl : Wow. SNASA? Do you go to the moon and stuff?
Barney Stinson : Well, not the moon you're familiar with. Though I have been to the smoon.
Girl : Wow, the smoon.
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Barney Stinson : Every woman in New York! Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers lock up your daughters, daughters lock up your MILSWANCA.
Marshall Eriksen : MILSWANCA?
Ted Mosby : Oh I got it, Mothers I Like To Sleep With And Never Call Again
Barney Stinson : Correct! Circle gets a square.
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Barney Stinson : Don't drink that!
Christy : Why not?
Barney Stinson : I saw a guy put something in that drink.
Christy : Really? Who?
Barney Stinson : [Points at Ted] That guy.
[Bartender tackles Ted]
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Girl : [Barney demonstrates the play "The My Penis Grants Wishes"] Really? A genie comes out of it?
Barney Stinson : Only if you rub it hard enough.
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Barney Stinson : None of these are cheap tricks. Except for The Cheap Trick.
[Cut to Barney dressed as a rocker]
Barney Stinson : Yeah, I'm the bass player for Cheap Trick.
Barney Stinson : [Back to reality] And even that requires expensive hair extensions.
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Barney Stinson : Guys, code red, emergency, lockdown! Nobody's leaving.
Robin Scherbatsky : What happened?
Barney Stinson : I tried the "He's Not Coming", and it worked, gangbusters. You should have seen this girl. Bang! Ping! Padow! Gadonk!
Robin Scherbatsky : Okay, I'm leaving.
Barney Stinson : So, we get up to my place, and I go into my room to set up the camera... to light the candles. And when I come out, she's gone, and so is The Playbook. I think we all know who is responsible for this.
Lily Aldrin : Yeah, we do.
Barney Stinson : Yeah. Al-Qaeda.
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Lily Aldrin : Barney, I've got half a mind to take that playbook and put it up on the internet for the whole world to see.
Barney Stinson : You wouldn't.
Lily Aldrin : I won't, as long as you agree to no more scams, no more cons, no more hustles, no more hoodwinks, no more gambits, no more stratagems, and no more bamboozles.
Barney Stinson : [long pause] I notice you left out flimflam?
Lily Aldrin : No more flimflam!
Barney Stinson : Damn it!