- Jeff Dunham: So Achmed, how are you liking Los Angeles?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh, I do not like living in the city.
- Jeff Dunham: Why?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: There are no morals in this city!
- Jeff Dunham: Really?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: The only virgins left here are the Jonas Brothers.
- Jeff Dunham: So Achmed, do you have anything to say?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: [sadly] Uh, silence. Don't forget it.
- Jeff Dunham: What's wrong tonight, Achmed?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Everyone looks at Achmed and sees an angry, happy-go-lucky, dead terrorist. But really, I'm more of a crying-on-the-inside kind of a guy.
- Audience: Aww.
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Thanks.
- Jeff Dunham: Why? What's wrong?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Nobody, not even you, remembered my death day.
- Jeff Dunham: Your... Your... Your what?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: My death day. I turned seven years dead yesterday. And I didn't get anything!
- Jeff Dunham: Really?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: No, not even a letter bomb. And nothing on my Facebook wall.