- Jim James: [to Stan about Francine] Hey, is- is this your daughter?
- Stan Smith: Wife.
- Jim James: [impressed] Damn!
- Hayley Smith: What is Dad's problem with music?
- Francine Smith: Well, music makes you feel things and your dad's a bit of an emotional tight-ass and a literal one.
- Francine Smith: [to Hayley] I went to a few concerts when I was your age. I'd get backstage all the time. Of course back then, you really had to work for it not like today with all these sissy radio giveaways. "Oh, you're caller 96. Bravo!" Fit that whole phone in your mouth, you might have been able to hang with my crew.
- Stan Smith: [about Jim James, the lead singer from My Morning Jacket] He makes Enya sound like a Russian couple arguing at the bowling alley.
- Roger the Alien: Francine, Courteney Cox played a chef on Friends. Your cooking is worse than her acting!
- Roger the Alien: Spoiler alert! The sweet potatoes suck. How can sweet potatoes not be sweet? Hmm? Frannie, how'd you take the sweet out of the potatoes?
- Francine Smith: Stan, all you ever feel is anger. Why is that the only emotion you can express?
- Stan Smith: Because people make me mad all the time for being stupid about everything! Now, pass me the fucking sweet potatoes!
- Roger the Alien: [when he's dressed up as Hayley] Well, I'm gonna go beg for money on the beach since I'm dressed for it.
- Francine Smith: Hayley, what are we gonna do about your dad? He's really obsessed with this band.
- Hayley Smith: [after getting trapped in the pool by Stan] Didn't you hear me, Mom? I've been screaming "help" for an hour. Thank God the pool guy came.