The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Gorilla Experiment (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon is trying to teach Penny about physics, but she's having a rough go of it]  Why are you crying?

  Penny : Because I'm stupid!

  Sheldon Cooper : That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and it makes me sad.

• Sheldon Cooper : Why can't Leonard teach you?

  Penny : 'Cause I want to surprise him.

  Sheldon Cooper : Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback if you cleaned your apartment.

• [first lines] 

  Penny : Hey, Leonard. Check this out.

  [Throws a dumpling up in the air and catches it with her mouth] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, she's doing it again.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.

  Sheldon Cooper : No, it upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers without regard for its equitable distribution.

  [Turns to Raj] 

  Sheldon Cooper : This is essentially why you have famine in India.

  [Raj shakes his head no at Penny] 

  Penny : [Mouth open so the dumpling is visible]  You want me to put it back?

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard...

  Leonard Hofstadter : It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

• Penny : Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Why not?

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's where Sheldon sits.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : He can't sit somewhere else?

  Penny : Oh no, you see in the winter, that seat is close enough the the radiator so he's warm yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct so he can still talk to everybody yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.

  Sheldon : Perhaps there's hope for you after all.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Relax, it'll be fine. Sit down, you guys.

  Leonard Hofstadter , Penny , Raj Koothrappali : [as Bernadette goes for Sheldon's spot]  No!

  Bernadette : What?

  Penny : Oh, yeah. You can't sit there.

  Bernadette : Why not?

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's where Sheldon sits.

  Bernadette : He can't sit somewhere else?

  [from across the room Sheldon turns, stares and raises an eyebrow a freakishly long way] 

  Penny : Oh, no, no. You see, in the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it's directly in the path of the cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television on an angle that isn't direct so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.

  Sheldon Cooper : Perhaps there's hope for you after all.

• Sheldon Cooper : This is the beginning of the twenty-six hundred year journey we're going to take together from the ancient Greeks, through Isaac Newton, to Niels Bohr, to Erwin Schrödinger, to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.

• Penny : [Sheldon is giving her a long-winded history lesson on physics]  I have to go to the bathroom.

  Sheldon Cooper : Can't you hold it?

  Penny : Not for 2600 years.

• Sheldon Cooper : [after Raj beats him on Mario Kart]  That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.

  Raj Koothrappali : And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude. Whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car, you can't drive.

• Penny : Look, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff, and can you just tell me what Leonard does?

  Sheldon Cooper : All right. Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles move the way they do.

  Penny : Really? That's it? Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not. That's why Leonard does it.

• Sheldon Cooper : All right, let us begin. Where's your notebook?

  Penny : Um... I don't have one.

  Sheldon Cooper : How are you going to take notes without a notebook?

  Penny : I have to take notes?

  Sheldon Cooper : How else are you going to study for the tests?

  Penny : There's gonna be a test?

  Sheldon Cooper : [stressing the plural]  Tests.

  [Sheldon gets a notebook from his desk and hands it to her] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Here. It's college ruled; I hope that's not too intimidating.

• Sheldon Cooper : [trying to teach Penny physics]  How can you not know? I just told you. Did you suffer a recent blow to the head?

  Penny : Hey, you don't have to be mean.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry.

  [trying to sound more cheerful] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Did you suffer a recent blow to the head?

• Penny : I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics.

  Sheldon Cooper : A little physics?.. There's no such thing. Physics encompasses the entire universe. From quantum particles to supernovas. From spinning electrons to spinning galaxies.

  Penny : Okay, cool, I don't need the PBS special. I wanna know enough so I can talk to Leonard about his job. Like Bernadette does.

  Sheldon Cooper : Why can't Leonard teach you?

  Penny : Because I wanna surprise him.

  Sheldon Cooper : Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback if you clean your apartment.

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard's work is nearly as amazing as third graders growing Lima beans in wet paper towels.

  [Raj whispers in Sheldon's ear] 

  Sheldon Cooper : While I appreciate the "Oh, snap!", I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.

• Sheldon Cooper : And what do we know from this?

  Penny : Um. We know that... Newton was a really smart cookie. Oh, is that where Fig Newtons come from?

  Sheldon Cooper : No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts. Don't write that down!

• Penny : Oh, come on, a smart guy like you; it'll be a challenge. You could make it like an experiment.

  Sheldon Cooper : Interesting. I suppose if someone could teach sign language to Koko the gorilla... I could teach you some rudimentary physics.

  Penny : Great! A little insulting, but great. I'll be Koko.

  Sheldon Cooper : Not likely. Koko learned to understand over two thousand words, not one of which had anything to do with shoes.

• Sheldon Cooper : What no, that's a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.

• Sheldon Cooper : Subject appears well rested and enthusiastic. Apparently, ignorance *is* bliss.

• Sheldon Cooper : [voiceover as he works at his laptop]  Research Journal. Entry 1. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career. Teaching Penny physics. I'm calling it: 'Project Gorilla'.

• Sheldon Cooper : Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we put our hands behind our backs, have an old-fashioned eating contest?

• Sheldon Cooper : My mother was right. Hell is real.

• Sheldon Cooper : Howard, your shoes are delightful. Where did you get them?

  Howard Wolowitz : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : Bazinga, I don't care.

• Bernadette : I love your shoes.

  Penny : Oh, thanks. They are cute, aren't they?

  Bernadette : Where'd you get them?

  Penny : Shoes for Less.

  Bernadette : I've been meaning to go over there.

  Penny : Oh, great selection, great prices.

  Sheldon Cooper : My mother was right. Hell is real.

  Howard Wolowitz : Come on, Sheldon, let the women-folk chat.

  Penny : Women-folk?

  Howard Wolowitz : Gals? Chicks? Utero-Americans?..

• Penny : Hey Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not about shoes, is it? I don't think I can go through that again.

• Sheldon : Why are you crying ?

  Penny : Because I'm stupid.

  Sheldon : That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad.

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard's work is nearly as amazing as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels.