Community (TV Series)
Comparative Religion (2009)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Shirley : Uh, quick question. Are you all coming to my Christmas party right after the final, or are you stopping home to change into your Christmas outfits?
Annie : [Breaking the silence] I guess I could wear one of my Hanukkah sweaters.
Shirley : Uh, Annie.
[Uncomfortable]
Shirley : I didn't know you weren't, uh, Christian.
Annie : Yep. One might even say I'm Jewish.
Shirley : [Faking tolerance] Oh, tha-that's good for you. Tha-that's wonderful. I respect all religions of the world.
Abed : I'm Muslim.
Troy : Jehovah's Witness.
Britta : Atheist.
Shirley : [With raised eyebrows] The Lord is testing me.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Britta, put your blouse back on.
Jeff Winger : [turns and Pierce kicks him] Ow!
Pierce Hawthorne : Boys, this is not a game! You got to be ready for anything!
Troy : Dude! That is not cool.
Pierce Hawthorne : Well, that foxy black girl thinks it is.
[kicks Troy when he turns]
Jeff Winger : What are you doing?
Troy : Why she have to be black?
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Annie : WWBJD?
Pierce Hawthorne : If that stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?" I'll tell you right now: he'd write another crappy song.
[extends fist to Troy]
Troy : ...yeah, in your face, Billy Joel!
[mouths to Annie]
Troy : Who is that?
Annie : [mouths] I don't know.
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Shirley : I did my best to create a special Christmas for my *one* intact family... and this is the thanks I get.
Annie : Shirley, you are a guilt machine.
Pierce Hawthorne : And Annie knows a thing or two about guilt. Am I right, Jew?
Annie : Say the whole word!
Pierce Hawthorne : ...Jewie?
Troy : You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "Jewie."
Pierce Hawthorne : Tell it to the birthday cake you never got. You know, there's an old Buddhist saying...
Britta : You are not a Buddhist, you are in a cult.
Pierce Hawthorne : Suck it, Nietzsche.
Annie : Guys, everyone's faith is weird. Let's just not talk about it.
[all speaking indistinctly]
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Troy Barnes : Then you give him the Forest Whitaker eye.
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Troy Barnes : You're a pretty big dude. You've probably got moves.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, I got some theories.
Abed : You've never been in a fight?
Jeff Winger : Technically, no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy Barnes : I can't.
Abed : Mm.
Pierce Hawthorne : Are you telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff Winger : No, thank God. This is the moneymaker.
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Shirley : I am so sick of the dean jamming his PCness down my throat.
Jeff Winger : Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
Pierce Hawthorne : [chuckling] PCness. Now I get it.
Troy : It sounds like penis. I just got it, too.
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Jeff Winger : Whatever you do, don't tell Shirley about the fight. She'll start in with all her mothery guilt-inducing powers. You know what I mean?
Troy Barnes : No. I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet because it gets me chicks.
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Troy Barnes : [teaching Jeff how to fight] No, it's a question. What's up?
Jeff Winger : What's up?
Troy Barnes : Not a real question, a rhetorical one. You have the answer, he does not. Then you give them the Forest Whitaker eye.
Jeff Winger : Oh, that's pretty good.
Troy Barnes : Okay, hold that stare. There you go. Hold it. Then, look straight through his eyes and deep into his soul.
Britta : And then you move to Vermont.
Troy Barnes : I'm sick and tired of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed : She's got a point. In boxing, you fight for the purse and a belt.
Britta : I've gotta write a paper about that. Let's see what we're working with.
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Shirley : What is going on?
Troy : We're trying to get Jeff ready for the fiiiiiiiiiiiii... iight.
[whispers to Jeff]
Troy : I couldn't think of another word.
Jeff Winger : [to Troy] Idiot.
[to Shirley]
Jeff Winger : He meant we were figh... ting.
[to Troy]
Jeff Winger : It is hard to think of another word.
