How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Last Cigarette Ever (2009)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Quotes
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Barney Stinson : I only smoke on certain occasions: post-coital, when I'm with Germans - sometimes the two overlap - coital, that time of year the Mets are mathematically eliminated, pre-coital, and - wait for it, 'cause I sure have - pregnancy scares.
Ted Mosby : Why are you smoking now?
Barney Stinson : I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
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Barney Stinson : Remember when we could smoke inside bars?
[Flashback: the bar is so full of smoke it's hard to see anything]
Ted Mosby : I think that woman over there is looking at me.
Barney Stinson : That's a chair, but go ahead, hit that.
Marshall Eriksen : [Unseen] Hey guys? Where are you? Marco!
Ted Mosby , Barney Stinson : Polo!
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Barney Stinson : [while smoking] I'm proud of you guys! I have heard how difficult it is for smokers like yourself to quit, and on behalf of non-smokers everywhere, I salute you, and I am here to help. So hand in your cigarettes, and I will get rid of them one at a time.
Lily's Smoking Voice : Hand them over, dollface. I don't usually call you dollface, but in this voice it kind of works. Dollface.
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Marshall Eriksen : He fired what's his face, Ted! And what's his face was invaluable!
Ted Mosby : Look I can understand you getting upset, but it's not worth killing yourself over.
Barney Stinson : Yeah, wait till you get laid off then kill yourself, like what's his face. Although, I guess now it's more like... where's his face...