"How I Met Your Mother" Last Cigarette Ever (TV Episode 2009) - Josh Radnor as Ted Mosby

Barney Stinson : I only smoke on certain occasions: post-coital, when I'm with Germans - sometimes the two overlap - coital, that time of year the Mets are mathematically eliminated, pre-coital, and - wait for it, 'cause I sure have - pregnancy scares.

Ted Mosby : Why are you smoking now?

Barney Stinson : I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
Barney Stinson : Remember when we could smoke inside bars?

[Flashback: the bar is so full of smoke it's hard to see anything]

Ted Mosby : I think that woman over there is looking at me.

Barney Stinson : That's a chair, but go ahead, hit that.

Marshall Eriksen : [Unseen] Hey guys? Where are you? Marco!

Ted Mosby , Barney Stinson : Polo!
Ted Mosby : You are so gonna hit that.

Robin Scherbatsky : No, I'm not! I just want to know him on the newsdesk.

Ted Mosby : And on the bedroom, and on the coffee table, and on the floor...
Marshall Eriksen : He fired what's his face, Ted! And what's his face was invaluable!

Ted Mosby : Look I can understand you getting upset, but it's not worth killing yourself over.

Barney Stinson : Yeah, wait till you get laid off then kill yourself, like what's his face. Although, I guess now it's more like... where's his face...

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby