- Leslie Knope: I can't kill the possum 'cause it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup; can't do a handstand in a pool; can't spell the word lieutenant. There are a lot of can'ts in my life right now.
- Leslie Knope: Oh, hey Shauna.
- Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Hi Leslie.
- Leslie Knope: Hi! Andy, you remember Shauna Malwae-Tweep, from the Pawnee Journal?
- Andy Dwyer: How could I forget!
- [They shake hands]
- Andy Dwyer: You wrote the article when I fell in the pit, and then afterwards had sex with Mark, and everyone talked about it.
- [long silence]
- April Ludgate: [the possum is loose in Ann's house] I let it out of its cage because it needed water, and I thought it would just drink out of the toilet or something, but then it ran off, and I couldn't get back it in.
- [Glances guiltily at a coffee mug ring on the table]
- April Ludgate: He did that, too.
- Leslie Knope: Oh, boy...
- April Ludgate: Yeah, and then I opened all the doors because I thought it would just go outside, but it won't leave the house! It must love tacky pictures of flowers.
- Leslie Knope: Eugene! Boy, we have a very important job for you.
- Eugene: We'll get to it first thing Monday.
- Leslie Knope: Today's Wednesday.
- Evelyn Roushland: Well, Miss Knope, I have to say I'm very disappointed.
- Leslie Knope: You didn't *have* to say that. You could've just thought it.
- Ron Swanson: Good thing I've got a fire extinguisher, which I can assure you, is totally up to your precious code.
- Mark Brendanawicz: Um, this says it should be recharged June of 1996.
- Tom Haverford: I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god!