- Ted Mosby: [about Marshall and Lily using the same toothbrush] Four out of five dentists just threw up in their mouths.
- Barney Stinson: See that woman nursing a Black Russian? She's about to chase that with a White American. Up top!
- Barney Stinson: I was on my way to the Perfect Week. Seven nights, seven girls, no rejections.
- Jim Nantz: The dating equivalent of the perfect game, and even rarer.
- Lily Aldrin: So how'd the date with Dale go?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Sometimes the dude with the horn-rimmed glasses and the Smurfs T-shirt is being ironic, and sometimes he's just a dork with a lazy eye who has a love-hate relationship with Gargamel.
- Lily Aldrin: Robin, just because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character on a first date doesn't mean he's not husband material.
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, Sasquatch isn't fictional.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [about the appeal of the Yankees] Yeah, I'm not seein' it...
- Lily Aldrin: Ok, lemme try to "Canada" this up for ya, eh? How would you react if one of those "K'Chuck" guys with the skates and the sticks walked in here?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard there would be a hole in the floor halfway to China!
- Ted Mosby: That's what it's like with the Yankees.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Well, Barney's screwed...