- Axl Heck: [upon seeing the world's largest oak tree stump] I had the lowest of expectations and I'm still disappointed.
- Axl Heck: Oh... my... God. Sue should never be allowed to choose anything again in our entire lives! This place makes our house look nice!
- Axl Heck: Well, thank you, Sue, for the worst vacation we've ever had. And I am including the Ozarks and the frog infestation. I mean, come on, people, you know we're all thinking it!