30 Rock (TV Series)

Future Husband (2010)

Tina Fey: Liz Lemon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Donaghy : I'm the protege of a dead man working at a company that no longer exists. You hear that? It's the sound of me being erased from contact lists all over the world.

  Liz Lemon : You know what I hear? It's the hug plane, and it's coming in for a landing.

  Jack Donaghy : [weeping]  You are cleared for landing.

  [they hug] 

• Liz Lemon : Still haven't found your wallet, Kenneth?

  Kenneth Parcell : Yeah, and I realize I had a prescription in there that I really need. It keeps me from...

  [Starts convulsing and braying] 

  Kenneth Parcell : Don't worry, it's just a donkey spell.

• Liz Lemon : When I was under the anesthesia, I did a bunch of stuff I don't remember.

  Kenneth Parcell : Including meeting the man of your dreams? Oh, Miss Lemon, it's so romantic. Just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of: "Fatal Attraction".

• Wesley : I don't know what caused my root-canal situation.

  Liz Lemon : Well, British people have notoriously bad teeth, so...

  Wesley : I've never heard that.

  Liz Lemon : Really? You've never heard people make jokes about British teeth?

  Wesley : None of the Brits I know have a situation with their teeth.

  Liz Lemon : Well, it's just a thing people say.

  Wesley : Like when they say older women have bread back.

  Liz Lemon : What's bread back?

  Wesley : A loaf of back fat between a woman's bra and her giant underwear.

  Liz Lemon : No, that's not a thing. People don't say that.

  Wesley : Not TO you, no.

• Liz Lemon : When you were watching me after my oral surgery, did I put a toaster waffle into my DVD player?

  Jack Donaghy : You did. You watched it for about an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, then you turned it off.

  Liz Lemon : Yikes. Thanks for babysitting me.

  Jack Donaghy : I did my best, but you were pretty far gone. You kept trying to order home massages off of Craigslist.

• Kenneth Parcell : Miss Lemon, how did the dentist's office go? Did you meet Wesley?

  Liz Lemon : I did meet him. We even went out for coffee.

  Kenneth Parcell : Aaaand?

  Liz Lemon : Aaaand it was a disaster. We were so awkward that the waitress gave us separate checks without asking. And a priest came over and asked us who we'd lost.

  Kenneth Parcell : But it has to work out.

  Liz Lemon : Does it? Do you have your wallet back? Did I find my future husband? Sometimes everything is just the worst, Kenneth.

• Liz Lemon : This is crazy. I guess we have to give it another shot.

  Wesley : I guess we do.

  Liz Lemon : Dinner tonight?

  Wesley : Perfect. Do you like Tex-Mex?

  Liz Lemon : [despondently]  No, I don't. See you there.

• Dr. Kaplan : I really can't tell you anything about him. You know, doctor-patient confidentiality.

  Liz Lemon : Ah, come on. I mean, you're not really a doctor.

  Dr. Kaplan : Well, if that's how you feel, then you're not really a patient. And people who aren't patients don't get toys from the treat bucket.

  Liz Lemon : But there's a Batman in there!

  Dr. Kaplan : Yeah. And if you wind him up, he swims in the bath.

  Liz Lemon : Damn you, Kaplan!