- Jack Donaghy: I'm the protege of a dead man working at a company that no longer exists. You hear that? It's the sound of me being erased from contact lists all over the world.
- Liz Lemon: You know what I hear? It's the hug plane, and it's coming in for a landing.
- Jack Donaghy: [weeping] You are cleared for landing.
- [they hug]
- Liz Lemon: Still haven't found your wallet, Kenneth?
- Kenneth Parcell: Yeah, and I realize I had a prescription in there that I really need. It keeps me from...
- [Starts convulsing and braying]
- Kenneth Parcell: Don't worry, it's just a donkey spell.
- Jack Donaghy: Jonathan, why is it so quiet in here? Why aren't the phones ringing? Is it senior executive skip day? That's usually in the spring, so we can go to an amusement park.
- Liz Lemon: When I was under the anesthesia, I did a bunch of stuff I don't remember.
- Kenneth Parcell: Including meeting the man of your dreams? Oh, Miss Lemon, it's so romantic. Just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of: "Fatal Attraction".
- Jack Donaghy: I'm sorry. You're calling me as a source? How are you going to explain your unnamed executive to your producer?
- Avery Jessup: I'll tell him it's a guy I'm having sex with. It's a 24-hour news cycle here, Jack. We really don't have time to do it right anymore.
- Tracy Jordan: I'm a spontaneous actor. I never do the same thing twice.
- Director: [cutaway to movie set] Action.
- Tracy Jordan: [Take 1] Honey, I'm home.
- [Take 2]
- Tracy Jordan: Pac-Man, I'm Jewish.
- [Take 3]
- Tracy Jordan: Jeffrey, we lost the tournament.
- Jenna Maroney: [about Tracy's one-man show] I'll tell you what's gonna happen. It's gonna be a disaster. The man is not an actor and has no business being on the stage. Why, with a curtain five hours from now, it would take the greatest acting coach the world has ever seen to make his show a success. Fine, I'll do it!
- Wesley: I don't know what caused my root-canal situation.
- Liz Lemon: Well, British people have notoriously bad teeth, so...
- Wesley: I've never heard that.
- Liz Lemon: Really? You've never heard people make jokes about British teeth?
- Wesley: None of the Brits I know have a situation with their teeth.
- Liz Lemon: Well, it's just a thing people say.
- Wesley: Like when they say older women have bread back.
- Liz Lemon: What's bread back?
- Wesley: A loaf of back fat between a woman's bra and her giant underwear.
- Liz Lemon: No, that's not a thing. People don't say that.
- Wesley: Not TO you, no.
- Liz Lemon: When you were watching me after my oral surgery, did I put a toaster waffle into my DVD player?
- Jack Donaghy: You did. You watched it for about an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, then you turned it off.
- Liz Lemon: Yikes. Thanks for babysitting me.
- Jack Donaghy: I did my best, but you were pretty far gone. You kept trying to order home massages off of Craigslist.
- Kenneth Parcell: Miss Lemon, how did the dentist's office go? Did you meet Wesley?
- Liz Lemon: I did meet him. We even went out for coffee.
- Kenneth Parcell: Aaaand?
- Liz Lemon: Aaaand it was a disaster. We were so awkward that the waitress gave us separate checks without asking. And a priest came over and asked us who we'd lost.
- Kenneth Parcell: But it has to work out.
- Liz Lemon: Does it? Do you have your wallet back? Did I find my future husband? Sometimes everything is just the worst, Kenneth.
- Brian Williams: [Runs in and drops a foam football at Avery's desk] Hey, CNBC: Nightly News rules.
- Avery Jessup: Go break a story, Williams!
- Brian Williams: [Runs off] Nightly rules.
- Dr. Kaplan: I really can't tell you anything about him. You know, doctor-patient confidentiality.
- Liz Lemon: Ah, come on. I mean, you're not really a doctor.
- Dr. Kaplan: Well, if that's how you feel, then you're not really a patient. And people who aren't patients don't get toys from the treat bucket.
- Liz Lemon: But there's a Batman in there!
- Dr. Kaplan: Yeah. And if you wind him up, he swims in the bath.
- Liz Lemon: Damn you, Kaplan!