- [last lines]
- Sterling Archer: So, uh, is that a yes or a maybe or... what?
- [pause]
- Sterling Archer: Oh, OK, I guess just pout.
- Sterling Archer: The "famille" thing actually makes this borderline creepy.
- Framboise: Perhaps if you tried it from behind?
- Sterling Archer: Yeah, let's try that.
- Agent Lana Kane: I am sick of you getting the best assignments just because your mother's the boss! Do you know how that feels?
- Sterling Archer: Besides awesome?
- Sterling Archer: Let's talk this out.
- Agent Lana Kane: Talk what out? How you ruined my chance to work for ODIN? Or, ooooh, maybe how I just caught my boyfriend balls deep in some French chick.
- Sterling Archer: Ex-boyfriend, I bet.
- Agent Lana Kane: Ya think?
- Sterling Archer: Yeah. He's not coming back. That chick was like, the Pelé of anal.
- [first lines]
- Sterling Archer: [driving a Mini] Because this is what was there, Lana.
- Agent Lana Kane: Where? Outside a clown college?
- Agent Lana Kane: [Sarcastically] OK, yes, I'm jealous.
- Sterling Archer: First step's admitting it.
- Agent Lana Kane: Jealous that ODIN's going to beat us again...
- Sterling Archer: ODIN?
- Agent Lana Kane: ...thanks to your epic poon-houndery!
- Agent Lana Kane: We've got about two minutes before some ODIN dick sees this and seals the exits.
- Sterling Archer: Uhhh, any way we can bump that to five? I, I seriously need a shower.
- Agent Lana Kane: Archer!
- Sterling Archer: Okay, God! Climb down off that rag.
- Malory Archer: Pam, get me some poison, because I am already dead inside.
- Pam: Too dead to read good news?
- Malory Archer: Is it my obituary?
- Pam: Well, it's not that good.
- [Ray finds Malory drunk and vomiting in the bathroom]
- Ray Gillette: Don't get any on that snappy suit.
- Malory Archer: Don't you have better things to do than mince around and gawk?
- Ray Gillette: About a million. But Cheryl was scared to come in here, so I took time out of my busy mincing schedule to tell you that you have a phone call.
- Malory Archer: [gasps] Is it Sterling?
- Ray Gillette: I am sure I don't know.
- Malory Archer: Do you know you're a little bitch?
- Ray Gillette: Will you remember this conversation?
- Malory Archer: Probably not, no.
- Ray Gillette: Well, then, fuck off.
- Len Trexler: [after Barry reads Archer's "burn notice" out loud] Ah, it must have killed her to do this.
- Barry Dillon: And I'm smirking.
- Len Trexler: No, you don't smirk at a mother's suffering, Barry! You asshole.
- [Punches Barry's wounded arm]
- Barry Dillon: Ow! It's just with the shattered femur and the gunshot wound, and - I don't know if you knew this - but Framboise and I were kind of engaged.
- Len Trexler: I did not know that.
- Barry Dillon: Yeah.
- Len Trexler: And I served her up like a pudding.
- Barry Dillon: Well, engaged to be engaged.
- [Trexler punches his arm again]
- Barry Dillon: Ow!
- Len Trexler: Ass. If you love it, put a ring on it. Okay, so... Okay, you go fix this.
- Barry Dillon: You know, I'm not even sure I want to now. She was obviously into him.
- [Trexler punches his arm again]
- Barry Dillon: Ow!
- Len Trexler: Ass! Not Framboise! Archer!
- Barry Dillon: The burn notice? His mother just obviously sent that to...
- Len Trexler: ...to every agency on the planet. Look at this: the CIA, MI6 Interpol. We can't keep him now, Barry.
- Barry Dillon: Oh, so...
- Len Trexler: So you take him to the basement, you put one in his ear. Can you do that?
- Barry Dillon: Oh...
- [Overlapping Archer's first word]
- Sterling Archer: [Enters office zipping up pants] Oh, my god! That Framboise is a freak, huh?
- Barry Dillon: Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.