- Finn Hudson: I have no idea what's going on in this script, and it's not in a cool 'Inception' kind of way.
- Sue Sylvester: Becky, that is the best Halloween costume I've ever seen.
- Becky Jackson: [Dressed up as Sue] Thanks, Coach.
- Sue Sylvester: There's only one thing missing.
- [hands Becky a megaphone]
- Sue Sylvester: Go scream at some fatties.
- Principal Figgins: I'm recommending one month's suspension and summer school to make up for any lost class time.
- Will Schuester: Can we have a moment alone, please?
- [Finn leaves]
- Will Schuester: You can't do this to him. He was just coming to rehearsal in his costume. That's not a crime.
- Principal Figgins: Nine children have already signed up for after-school therapy. I had to bring in a grief counselor.
- Will Schuester: Last year when the Cheerios won the national championship, Santana pantsed Brittany, and she was wearing a lot less than her underwear.
- Will Schuester: Great news, guys. I've had a little inspiration. This week's musical lesson isn't really a lesson. It's a musical.
- Rachel Berry: [whispering to herself] Oh, please be "Evita". Please be "Evita".
- Will Schuester: "Rocky Horror".
- Finn Hudson: I've never seen it.
- Rachel Berry: Mr. Schue?
- Will Schuester: Yup?
- Rachel Berry: While I admire your choice of the groundbreaking '70s musical, aren't you worried that the adult themes might be a point of controversy?
- Kurt Hummel: Seriously. A school in Texas couldn't even do "Rent". It caused an outrage and they had to cancel the show.
- Will Schuester: Sue, you set me up.
- Sue Sylvester: Hey, there, William. Root through anyone's personal belongings lately?
- Will Schuester: When were you planning on airing that?
- Sue Sylvester: Opening night. That's why I pre-taped it. Oh, I know you're furious, Will. But do you honestly believe anything I said was unreasonable?
- Will Schuester: Well...
- [he tries to think of something]
- Will Schuester: No.
- Emma Pillsbury: Are you sure you want to cancel the whole thing?
- Will Schuester: I never should've tried to put it on in the first place. The reality is... I only did all this to get close to you.
- Emma Pillsbury: I guess love can make you do some crazy things. You know?
- Will Schuester: I'm sorry, Emma. And I promise to never abuse our feelings for each other again. I mean, let's face it. Carl's actually making you better. And if I really love you... I need to back off and accept the fact that, at least for now, being with him is the best thing for you.
- Will Schuester: I want to apologize for putting you guys through all this. Particularly Finn and Sam.
- Finn Hudson: It's cool, Mr. Schue. I'm sure the teasing will die down by the time my tenth reunion rolls around.
- Sam Evans: And I got asked to be June in the Men of McKinley High calendar.
- Will Schuester: I'm happy for you. But we still can't do the musical. Look, I was wrong. "Rocky Horror" isn't about pushing boundaries or making an audience accept a certain rebellious point of view. Those were my reasons for doing it, and they aren't worth risking what we have here. And when I was younger, and they started midnight shows of "Rocky Horror", it wasn't for envelope pushers. It was for outcasts, people on the fringes who had no place left to go, but were searching for someplace, anyplace, where they felt like they belonged. Sound familiar? The truth is, with that perspective, "Rocky Horror" is the perfect show for this club.
- Santana Lopez: Well, then why aren't we putting it on?
- Will Schuester: We're still going to perform "Rocky Horror". We're just not doing it for an audience. We're doing it for ourselves.
- Sue Sylvester: There are limits, Will. There is a line. And for reasons I suspect have nothing to do with your kids, you crossed it. You can't yell "fire" in a crowded theater, and you can't expose kids to material like this. Not on the taxpayers' dime.
- Will Schuester: Oh, please, Sue. They have the Internet. They are exposed!
- Sue Sylvester: Don't lead them to it. Don't make it okay. They're kids! And now more than ever, high school is a dangerous place, and it's our job to guide them through it safely. And we still get to torture them along the way. It's a fabulous system.
- Will Schuester: You're right. I... I'm pulling the show.
- Sue Sylvester: Wait. What?
- Will Schuester: I'm canceling the show. You were right. I was totally wrong.
- Sue Sylvester: Well, shouldn't you wait until opening night? I mean, the kids worked so hard...
- Will Schuester: Sorry, Sue,
- Sue Sylvester: [he stands to leave] Hey, do it for the kids, Will. I need that local Emmy, Will!
- Finn Hudson: [at dress rehearsal] I know I'm supposed to be in my underwear for this scene, and I'm totally down with that. Uh, I thought maybe I would save it for the opening, if that's okay.
- [Schue gives him the "OK" hand gesture]
- Sam Evans: Um, also, Ms. Pillsbury, is there a way I could... wear, like, some gold board shorts or something? These are really short. I'm afraid I'm gonna show off some nuttage.
- Will Schuester: Okay, let's talk about casting.
- Rachel Berry: Oh, Finn and I will play Brad and Janet.
- Artie Abrams: And I'll be playing the guy in the wheelchair, right?
- Will Schuester: That's what I was thinking. And I thought Kurt could play the role of Frank-N-Furter.
- Kurt Hummel: No. There's no way I'm playing a transvestite in high heels and fishnets and wearing lipstick.
- Santana Lopez: Why? 'Cause that look was last season?
- Will Schuester: Now, we're a little short on female roles, so we're gonna have to double up on Columbias and Magentas.
- Rachel Berry: It's standard practice on Broadway. It'll preserve your voices.
- Mercedes Jones: I'd like to preserve you. In a jar. In my basement.
- Will Schuester: Sam. I'd like you to play the role of the Creature.
- Sam Evans: From the Black Lagoon?
- Quinn Fabray: Rocky. He's like the Frankenstein character, but blond. You'll kill the part. He's cute, just like you.
- Santana Lopez: Better start working on those abs.
- Sam Evans: Are you kidding me? You could cut glass with these babies.
- Finn Hudson: I can't be on stage in front of the whole school in my tighty-whities. They're... gonna be able to see my whole... business.
- Rachel Berry: Come on. It'll just be like going to the pool.
- Finn Hudson: I wear a swim shirt at the pool. I tell everybody it's because I burn easily, but... look, I know I'm a big athlete, and it's not manly or anything, but I'm kind of insecure about how I look.
- Rachel Berry: Come on. You just... you know, you... you have a different body type. I don't look like Brittany or Santana, but you still think I'm hot, right?
- Finn Hudson: Yeah, of course.
- Rachel Berry: So, then... you're just gonna have to trust me that you're the hottest guy in school.
- Santana Lopez: I cannot wait 'till Finn takes his top off so we can all see the hotness underneath.
- Finn Hudson: What are you talking about?
- Brittany S. Pierce: You can't have Sloppy Joes every day for lunch and think you can get away with it.
- Rachel Berry: [supportively taking Finn's hand] Um... that's incredibly rude.
- Quinn Fabray: Is it? Guys whisper behind our backs about how we girls look every day. They objectify us all the time.
- Tina Cohen-Chang: She sort of has a point.
- Santana Lopez: Yeah. Earlier today, Artie asked if he could make a gigantic omelet when I'm done with the ostrich eggs I'm smuggling in my bra.
- Sue Sylvester: What made you think you could get away with doing this show without my knowledge?
- Will Schuester: I didn't. I was hoping just to run out the clock until it was too late to stop us.
- Sue Sylvester: Who says I want to stop you? I appreciate how "Rocky Horror" pushes boundaries.
- Will Schuester: So you're not gonna fight us?
- Sue Sylvester: Perhaps not. I just want to be involved, Will. The arts matter.
- [concerned he's not hot enough to play Brad, Finn is working out to get into shape]
- Finn Hudson: I don't know, man, I never used to think about this stuff. I mean, we're guys. When did this start to matter?
- Artie Abrams: I personally blame the Internet. Once Internet porn was invented, girls could watch without having to make that embarrassing trip to the video store. Internet porn altered the female brain chemistry, making them more like men. And thus more concerned with our bodies.
- Finn Hudson: Wait, since I said I... I'm uncomfortable in the tighty-whities, does that mean I'm gonna get replaced next?
- Sam Evans: No, you don't have to worry about that. The Brad part isn't about looking hot. It's about being confident in who you are and how you look, no matter how douchey are you. That guy's totally cool being uncool.
- Finn Hudson: Yeah, I'm definitely not there. I actually started showering with my shirt on.
- Sam Evans: Look, stop knocking yourself out in here. Just be you and the sexy will flow through.
- Rachel Berry: Mr. Schue, it is pointless to rehearse this scene without Finn.
- Will Schuester: We don't have a choice. He's late and he's not answering his phone. We gotta get this timing down, guys. And would you please stop interjecting your opinions, Sue?
- Sue Sylvester: Opinions? These are my re-writes.
- Sue Sylvester: You know, Halloween is fast approaching. The day when parents encourage little boys to dress like little girls, and little girls to dress like whores, and go door to door, browbeating hardworking Americans into giving them free food. Well, you know what, western Ohio? We've lost the true meaning of Halloween. Fear. Halloween is that magical day of the year when a child is told their grandmother's a demon who's been feeding them rat casserole with a crunchy garnish of their own scabs. Children must know fear. Without, they won't know how to behave. They'll try Frenching grizzly bears or consider living in Florida. So moms, skip trick or treating this year, and instead sit your little toddler down and explain that daddy's a hungry zombie, and before he went out to sharpen his pitchfork, he whispered to Mommy that you looked delicious. And that's how Sue sees it.
- Kurt Hummel: So what are you gonna be for Halloween this year?
- Brittany S. Pierce: I'm going as a peanut allergy.
- Mercedes Jones: Mr. Schue? I'd like to play Frank-N-Furter. I was rereading the script yesterday, and it said "Don't dream it, be it." And it's my dream to play a lead role, so I figure why not me? I mean, I'd be all kind of crazy sexy in that outfit. And I can reinterpret the number a little; make it more modern. I'd really like the chance, Mr. Schue.