- Chloe Sullivan: You're not alone, Clark Kent. In all my globe-trotting, I have met several others like you - a billionaire with high tech toys and a wondrous woman who's gonna throw you for a loop.
- Amos Fortune: You are an eyeful. You know, like the Tower in Paris. You put these other hothouse girls to shame.
- Oliver Queen: Thanks, man.
- Oliver Queen: How the hell did we end up here, anyway?
- Lois Lane: Oh, I have no idea. But in that green getup of yours, we're gonna stand up like a hooker in a church.
- Oliver Queen: [looks down and notice he's wearing a lime-green tuxedo jacket] What?
- Lois Lane: Yeah.
- Oliver Queen: What is this?
- Chloe Sullivan: I've created a double identity for myself. You're looking at the Star City Register's newest hire. By day, of course.
- Clark Kent: I always knew that you were destined for big things, Chloe. And I know, no matter what, we'll still be in each other's lives.
- Chloe Sullivan: You know I'll always be here for you. You know that, right?
- Clark Kent: I do.
- [as Chloe chuckles, they move in for a hug]
- Tess Mercer: Clarkie... Oh, there's only one person that I know who can make a armored car adios in seconds.
- Oliver Queen: [to Lois] We'll be lucky if we get out of here alive. I didn't exactly bring my Green Arrow gear to the bachelor party.
- Clark Kent: What did you do?
- Chloe Sullivan: What did we do?
- [end of teaser]
- Chloe Sullivan: Okay,
- [shuts Lemur in the closet]
- Chloe Sullivan: He can just hang tight in there while we figure this thing out.
- Clark Kent: You don't think that we - ?
- Chloe Sullivan: Exchanged vows?
- Clark Kent: Well, I mean...
- Chloe Sullivan: Said "I do?"
- Clark Kent: Both...
- Chloe Sullivan: Did the deed? Oh God! Don't say the word "consummate." The answer has to be no.
- Tess Mercer: Hey, hound dog. You really rocked this town.
- Dr. Emil Hamilton: I suppose that's supposed to be humorous?
- Tess Mercer: It's just... Well, it was a nice surprise to see our mild-mannered doctor have a special power of his own.
- Clark Kent: I can't believe on my first drunken night out, I lose Lois, commit a felony, and I land my friend in jail. So reckless.
- Tess Mercer: But oddly, Clark, very human.
- Lois Lane: I bet the ring. I mean, I got it back, but... please forgive me.
- Clark Kent: Lois, there's nothing to forgive. The ring is not what's important. You are. But I have a bit of a confession myself. Um...
- Lois Lane: Hmm?
- Clark Kent: When I woke up this morning and you were gone, I thought that I'd scared you away somehow.
- Lois Lane: Yeah, I'm sorry. I know that I have the, uh, runaway girlfriend thing to...
- Clark Kent: Look, if-if... if all this wedding mess is getting to be too much, then...
- Lois Lane: No, it's-it's not that. It's... hard to explain.
- Clark Kent: You don't need to explain. I just want you to know, if you're having doubts deep down inside, or you're not 100% sure that this is the right thing to do, I will understand. I'm gonna want to marry you in five days or in five years.
- Lois Lane: That was the perfect thing to say.
- Oliver Queen: I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you that ring back. Relax, all right? You're starting to do that twitchy thing that you do.
- Lois Lane: There's something stuck in my bra.
- Oliver Queen: That's not my territory anymore, all right?
- Lois Lane: [pulls gambling chip out of her bra] Cha ching. Well, that's a first.
- [reads writing on chip]
- Lois Lane: "Fortune Casino?"
- Oliver Queen: Let me see that. Oh look at that. Your Pointer Sisters just gave us our first clue as to where we were last night.
- Lois Lane: Yeah, right.
- Clark Kent: [pointing to the lemur] Monkey.
- Chloe Sullivan: Monkey?
- [running over to the armored truck with the Lemur in the front seat]
- Chloe Sullivan: A monkey! Hee-hee-hee!
- Oliver Queen: Where you running off to so quick?
- Chloe Sullivan: What are you doing? I thought we were rendezvousing at your place later.
- Oliver Queen: You're leaving again, right?
- Chloe Sullivan: Oliver, I...
- Oliver Queen: It's okay, I can... I can read between the lines. Chloe, I never expected you to sit up in that ivory Watchtower for the rest of your life. I know better than that. I-I have something, uh...
- [he gives her a peice of paper; unfolding it, she sees it's the other half of her marriage certficate]
- Oliver Queen: Now, I don't know what you're thinking, but... I hope it's not that you're gonna run off without your husband. You didn't take a job in my hometown for nothing.
- Clark Kent: [on video] Watch this!
- [makes armored truck disappear]
- Chloe Sullivan: [still on video] Ta-da!
- Tess Mercer: [watching video] Clark saves the day!
- Lois Lane: Whoa, my head is pounding like a mosh pit. And my mouth tastes like armpit. Hey. What happened?
- Oliver Queen: I think the jury's still out, but, uh... I'd say we just survived the world's greatest bachelor party.
- Dr. Emil Hamilton: [When his head is in a vice] Oh, I really wish I didn't understand the physics of this...
- Chloe Sullivan: Congratulations on surviving your boffo bachelor party. And the million-dollar morning-after mistake.
- Clark Kent: There's still one thing we have to do. Undo.
- Chloe Sullivan: I got through to the chapel, and they told me that the whole best friend masquerading as the bride-to-be was just a drunk prank, so...
- Clark Kent: That's a relief.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah.
- Clark Kent: It was a fun ride while it lasted. Kind of reminded me of the good old days.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, but your new partner in crime's got you covered.
- Clark Kent: Lois and I are pretty good together. It's funny. It almost sounded like you were saying goodbye.
- Chloe Sullivan: I forgot how well you know me.
- Chloe Sullivan: My heart and my head have been playing tug of war lately. But I made my decision. I still have to break it to Oliver, but I won't let a hero give up his world for me.
- Clark Kent: Chloe, you just got back. You're the heart and soul of Watchtower.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah. But I can't be Watchtower anymore. I've already been the ghost in the machine once. I can't... I can't do it again.
- Clark Kent: You know you've always been much more than that to me.
- Chloe Sullivan: I know. You know, in every epic tale, there's always one person who believes in the hero first; someone who helps inspire them to greatness. And maybe it wasn't just a fluke with you. I've been thinking that's my true calling, finding heroes and helping them realize their true potential beyond the reach of Watchtower.
- Chloe Sullivan: The facial-recognition from the karaoke security footage showed that the fake cops actually have criminal histories linking them to this casino. That is, if they work for this fearless Fortune.
- Clark Kent: Means Emil could be in danger.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, but all I see is a hothouse full of chumps, suckers, and high rollers.
- Clark Kent: I'll check the other room. Try to blend in.
- Chloe Sullivan: [spotting Lois pretending to be a showgirl] Lois?
- [spotting Oliver]
- Chloe Sullivan: Oliver?
- Lois Lane: I was so close, I could have ripped my ring off his chubby little finger.
- Oliver Queen: Not really feeling your jewelry malfunction right now, you know?
- Lois Lane: It was so much more than that, Oliver.
- Oliver Queen: I know, I know, and now, in order to get out of this high-stakes poker game, we're gonna need a "get out of jail free" card. You see that pole over there? We're going there, okay?
- Lois Lane: A little tied up right now.
- Oliver Queen: You're a comedian.
- Lois Lane: I should have known all this bridal hoopla was way too good to be true. All my prenuptial bliss was just one right-click away from bridal apocalypse.
- Oliver Queen: Uh. Okay. All right. You should really ease up on yourself, Lois. You haven't ruined anything.
- Lois Lane: You still don't get it. I did not want to be the bride waving her freak flag down the aisle, okay? I... I wanted this to be perfect, not my normal mess.
- Oliver Queen: We're all a mess, okay? Let's be fair.
- Lois Lane: Not Clark. No. Clark would never lose his ring, okay? Do you have any idea how much pressure there is being engaged to walking perfection?
- Oliver Queen: [breaking out of his restraints] Do you have any idea how much pressure there is fighting crime next to walking perfection?
- [freeing her]
- Oliver Queen: You're free. All right, let's blow this pop stand.
- Lois Lane: No. We're not leaving without my ring.
- Oliver Queen: I thought we were... we were past that?
- Lois Lane: Well, we're not.
- Oliver Queen: My friend here, she... lost a ring last night. Do you have any idea...
- Head Bouncer: Your little card shark here? She bet her engagement ring, yeah.
- Oliver Queen: Oh.
- Lois Lane: Did I call it or did I call it?
- Head Bouncer: She's raking it in, trash-talking the boss. So we won the ring off her. Come on, let's go. I don't wanna take you for another ride.
- Lois Lane: The only conceivable way that I would bet the ring was if it was a sure thing.
- Head Bouncer: There's no such thing in life as a sure thing.
- Lois Lane: Oh, yeah? What are you trying to say? Was I scammed? Let me guess, your boss stacked the deck, right?
- [off his look, she turns and sees Fortune with the ring on his pinky finger]
- Lois Lane: There is no way that I'm gonna let that creep cheat me out of my happily forever after. Here comes the bride.
- Oliver Queen: This $500 baby here means we were probably gambling last night. Knowing you? Blackjack, all right?
- Lois Lane: That's my game. I was three-time champ at Fort Dix. Oh, my god. What if I bet the ring?
- Oliver Queen: Oh, I don't think that would happen, Lois.
- Head Bouncer: [behind her] I thought I told you never to come back here again.
- Oliver Queen: No kidding. Huh.
- Dr. Emil Hamilton: I didn't steal any armored car.
- Amos Fortune: No, no, no, no, no, no. I got the right mug. Yeah. It was lady luck that brought you to me. I mean, what are the odds, huh, that... that you would be an overnight sensation on the same night that I was looking for you?
- Dr. Emil Hamilton: Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. I mean...
- [seeing he's confused]
- Dr. Emil Hamilton: It's a fallacy. Just because the two events are connected sequentially doesn't mean they're connected causally.
- Amos Fortune: No, no, no. You are connected, my friend.
- [indicating his goons]
- Amos Fortune: I mean, I didn't believe these yahoos when they told me we were duped. But... then I saw it for myself.
- Chloe Sullivan: I just found some very interesting information down at the police station. No Emil, and no trace of his name in any of the police records.
- Clark Kent: If Emil wasn't arrested... who were those cops?
- Oliver Queen: Lois, we're gonna find them, okay? And Clark's with Chloe. He'll take care of her, too.
- Lois Lane: I know. I was just checking out my single hand, my no-longer-engaged hand.
- Oliver Queen: Lois, you're still engaged. Y-you may just have to let go of the ring. And I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. My corporation, I may have lost it, but I'm gonna buy you an identical rock, okay? Problem solved.
- Lois Lane: I hate to break this to you, but the last thing I want to go around with for the rest of my life is a lie propagated by my ex-boyfriend.
- Oliver Queen: Oh.
- Lois Lane: The ring that Clark gave me was a symbol of our love, the symbol of our future together. It wasn't just any ring, it was *the* ring, the big kahuna. I waited my whole life to find somebody who would get this wacky world view and care enough to give me the ring, and the first thing I do is go and lose it.
- Oliver Queen: He's gonna understand, Lois. He always does.
- Lois Lane: We cannot tell Clark!
- Clark Kent: Any luck on that armored car it looks like I stole? We don't have much time; Emil's in prison now because of me.
- Tess Mercer: I'm still searching for missing vehicles. God, I feel terrible. I'm the one that convinced him to drink that champagne.
- Clark Kent: It's not your fault, Tess. But what about Lois? What about Oliver? Can you check their cell phone records or credit card statements?
- Tess Mercer: Clark, the nanosecond that they use technology, we'll have their number.
- Chloe Sullivan: [entering with coffee] Ooh. Looks like your get up and go-go is long gone.
- Tess Mercer: There's a chain gang breaking rocks in my head, but at least I can make a sentence. Chloe, do you wanna take this?
- Chloe Sullivan: No, I think it's in good hands.
- Oliver Queen: Hey, you know what? I thought my drunken-blackout days were behind me. This is...
- Lois Lane: Tell me about it. You know, us Lanes can usually hold our liquor, but I don't have a single memory of my big night. So we'd better drop a line to Clark and Chloe. They'll be worried.
- Oliver Queen: [patting his jacket and searching his pants pockets] Oopsie. You know what? I just realized something. When I... when I changed my pants, I think I forgot all the important things.
- Lois Lane: Yeah. My cell phone's gonzo, too. Which is a bummer, since this isn't exactly "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood".
- Lois Lane: It's okay. It's all right. Y-You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna, uh, we're gonna find one of those infamous phone booths of yours, okay? And, uh, we're gonna call Clark. Everything's gonna be great.
- Lois Lane: Can't call Clark.
- Oliver Queen: Sometimes I don't understand why... what-what... what's the problem, huh?
- Lois Lane: [raising her hand] My engagement ring is gone.
- Clark Kent: [seeing Emil singing karaoke dressed as Elvis] The one guy I counted on remaining sober.
- Clark Kent: Do we know each other?
- Limo Driver: So you did have fun last night.
- Clark Kent: Um... I'm looking for the girl that came in here with me last night. She probably insulted you more than once.
- Limo Driver: She was there when I dropped you off, but was gone when I picked you up.
- [seeing he's confused]
- Limo Driver: At the Chapel of Love.
- Clark Kent: Are those Emil's pants?
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, I found them in the back seat.
- Clark Kent: What's that?
- Chloe Sullivan: [unfolding a piece of paper] Looks like half of a wedding certficate. Missing one of the names.
- [seeing her own name]
- Chloe Sullivan: Holy matrimony, that's my signature. Clark, we really are married.
- Clark Kent: Emil. He wasn't drinking. He'll have answers. I'll call you after I find our friends.
- [he whooshes away, but crashes into the side of a building]
- Clark Kent: Ooh! Ahh!
- Chloe Sullivan: Oh! Clark! Are you okay? Whoa.
- Clark Kent: [stumbling to his feet] Chloe, this killer headache is affecting my abilities. This might be more difficult than I thought.
- Clark Kent: Okay, what if these are just costumes?
- Chloe Sullivan: Right, right, we went to a costume party dressed like the top of a wedding cake? Clark!
- Clark Kent: [seeing the living room] Looks like things got a little out of control.
- Chloe Sullivan: Okay. Before we go DEFCON 1 on this stag-party snafu, let's just take a step back. Whoa.
- Clark Kent: I can't, Chloe. I have no memory of what happened last night, which is weird, because alcohol normally doesn't affect me.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, well, my memory Etch-a-Sketch is blank, too.
- Clark Kent: It must be more than champagne in these bottles. Didn't realize this was a gift.
- Chloe Sullivan: [picking up the accompanying card] "Congrats, Clark. You deserve a real party. Hugs, Zatanna."
- Clark Kent: She must have put a spell on these.
- Chloe Sullivan: Complete with a memory erase.
- Clark Kent: If Zatanna's mind wipe affected you, then it could have affected Oliver. It could have affected all of us.
- [concerned]
- Clark Kent: Lois.
- Chloe Sullivan: [hearing a ringtone] Where's your phone?
- Clark Kent: [finding and answering it] Lois?
- [listening]
- Clark Kent: Yes, this is Clark Kent.
- [listening again]
- Clark Kent: You have my wallet downtown?
- Chloe Sullivan: [cut to them next to their limo] If your wallet was on the hood the car, that throws the costume-party theory out.
- Clark Kent: [seeing Lois dressed up] Wow. Y-You look great.
- Lois Lane: Thanks. Never hurts to change it up a little bit. Except for the ring. Never gonna take that off. It's my... sparkly little ball and chain.
- Clark Kent: So, you having any second thoughts about your girls' night out?
- Lois Lane: Clark, my swingin' single days have swung. It's just all this wedding stuff is very wedding-y. I never thought I'd be that gal.
- Tess Mercer: [entering] Lois.
- Lois Lane: Yeah?
- Tess Mercer: I think there's somethig missing.
- Chloe Sullivan: [giving her a tiara and veil] Ta-da-a! Your bachelorette superpower-up!
- Lois Lane: It's actually not bad. I thought I'd be spending the entire night cuffed to blow-up doll while wearing a dog collar, so... with this thing, I will be drinking free all night long.
- Chloe Sullivan: Hey, you know what? After all the years that I've known you, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.
- Clark Kent: Well, wouldn't be the same without you being here.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah?
- Clark Kent: Just wish I could freeze this moment in time forever.
- Chloe Sullivan: To the bride and groom. You know, to friends. You two amazing people have been the best friends I could have ever asked for. And... we want you to know that we are here for you, to support you, as you begin your happily ever after adventure. And tonight is all about celebrating you. And, uh, I hope you boys have fun tonight, but don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- Clark Kent: [finding Chloe trapped in his closet in a wedding dress] Chloe?
- Chloe Sullivan: Clark?
- Clark Kent: What'd you do?
- Chloe Sullivan: [as he helps her to her feet, they see the wedding rings on their fingers] What did we do?