The Simpsons (TV Series)

Love Is a Many Strangled Thing (2011)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Sideshow Mel, Groundskeeper Willie

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : You've destroyed our son's self-esteem.

  Homer Simpson : Well, it was your idea to give him self-esteem in the first place.

• Dr. Zander : Homer, to emphasize the seriousness of this situation, I'm going to turn my chair around backwards.

  Homer Simpson : [screams] 

• Dr. Zander : Bart, I'm trying to get you to feel something for your father!

  Bart Simpson : I feel something for him. Here it comes.

  [he belches] 

  Dr. Zander : Why, you little...!

  [strangling him] 

  Dr. Zander : Ooh, this is a tough neck. Oh, it's so strong. It's like an oak.

  Homer Simpson : You see? You see how that boy pushes your buttons?

  Dr. Zander : We'll talk when he's dead!

• Grampa Simpson : Aw. My son's first stroke.

• Dr. Zander : Wait a minute! You strangle your own son?

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, strangling. I'ts not the only tool in my parenting arsenal, but it's the sharpest.

• Homer Simpson : How could two people from the same family need therapy?

• Homer Simpson : But I don't want to go to parenting class. All the other neglectful parents will make fun of me. They're so cliquey.

  Marge Simpson : You'll be all right. You always are.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I miss my friends from drunk driving class. They were so cool.

• Homer Simpson : Doctor, you made me see my life of through Bart's neck.

  Dr. Zander : Homer, you've made a lot of progress. I'm sure with a few years of biweekly sessions, I'm sure...

  Homer Simpson : Uh, I lied about having health insurance.

  Dr. Zander : And you're cured.

• Dr. Zander : You're serious? You mean you lay your hands on your son's neck?

  Homer Simpson : Yeah. I guess it's the way I was brought up.

  [Flashback to Homer as a boy] 

  Grampa Simpson : Homer, your grades are a disgrace. No more TV for a month.

  Homer Simpson : Why you little...

  [Strangles Grampa] 

• Homer Simpson : I couldn't quit drinking any more than I could quit being a man.

  [Pours from a flask into his orange juice and drinks it] 

  Homer Simpson : Ah, now it feels like morning.

• Bart Simpson : Can't talk now. Texting.

  Moe Szyslak : Ooh, a text. Heh. Let's see... text message for I.M. A. Weiner. As you can all see, I.M. A. Weiner.

  Barney Gumble : [the barflies all laugh]  I see it, Moe!

  Moe Szyslak : Why you... when I...

  [texting] 

  Moe Szyslak : "When I a hold of you..." Oh, damn it, I typed a 'F' and not a 'D'. Uh... delete, delete, delete, delete. Oh, crap, I just donated $20 to Haiti.

• Marge Simpson : Homer, the game is right here.

  [points to football field inside stadium] 

  Homer Simpson : [chuckles]  Oh, that's right! I hope you kids are enjoying yourselves today, because you and your children will be paying for this place long after the team moves to another city.

• Mr. Burns : Simpson, you saved my life. Anything you want, just mention it.

  Homer Simpson : All your money and all your stuff.

  Mr. Burns : Lower and likelier.

  Homer Simpson : Super Bowl tickets? Playoff tickets? Regular season tickets on Bobblehead day?

  Mr. Burns : No-head day!

• Edna Krabappel : Bart Simpson. What would your father say if he knew what you were doing?

  Bart Simpson : He'd say, "I'm a grown man who's scared of my son."

  Edna Krabappel : I find that hard to believe.

  Bart Simpson : Oh yeah? Look.

  [points to Homer] 

  Homer Simpson : [writing "I'm a grown man who's afraid of his own son" on chalkboard]  How many more, sir?

  Bart Simpson : Fill the board, then wash my car.

  [Tosses set of keys at Homer] 

  Homer Simpson : But these are my keys!

  Bart Simpson : What was that?

  Homer Simpson : My keys... ter is ready for another whooping, sir.