The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Real Housewives of Fat Tony (2011)

Joe Mantegna: Fat Tony

Quotes 

• Fat Tony : I like you. I don't know whether to smack you on your kisser or kiss you on your smacker.

  Selma Bouvier : And I don't know whether to peck you on your kicker or kick you on your...

• Homer Simpson : Well, if it isn't Before and After. Blob and blob lite. Tweedle-Yuck and Tweedle-Blech.

  Fat Tony : Ahem. I hope I'm not interrupting.

  Homer Simpson : [scared]  Um, Fat Tony. I was just complimenting your beautiful girlfriend while insulting her hideous twin.

  Marge Simpson : I'm sorry, Fat Tony. My husband doesn't realize what he's saying, then five seconds later...

  Homer Simpson : [scared]  Oh, my God!

  Fat Tony : All will be forgiven. If you sketch a portrait of Patty showing her inner beauty.

  Homer Simpson : You are cruel but fair.

• Homer Simpson : Can we bring towels?

  Fat Tony : We have towels.

  Homer Simpson : [whispers]  I take a special size.

• Plastic Surgeon : Tony, the surgery was a complete success, so can I take your cousin, the "anesthesiologist," off the payroll?

  Fat Tony : You certainly may. Now where is my Selma?

  Selma Bouvier : Here's the part that's not in the trash. Mm-hmm.

  Fat Tony : Ooh, boys, I'd like a little privacy with Selma. Why don't you take the doctor out back?

  Louie : Should we take care of him or "take care of him"?

  Fat Tony : Take... care of him.

  Louie : I don't know what that meant. Was it the first one or the second one? I can't ask him, otherwise he's gonna "take care of me."

• Fat Tony : I love it here. The way the sun goes down like a crooked boxer. Selma, in this matto, svitato world, you've got to hold on to the good things.

  Man Being Drowned : Whoa. Sounds like someone's gonna propose here.

  Johnny Tightlips : Shut up. You're spoiling the mood.

• Selma Bouvier : So, you're here for an eye test? Read this.

  [she puts a "closed" sign on the counter] 

  Fat Tony : [opening it back up]  Process my form.

  Selma Bouvier : [grumbling]  I'm afraid this is the wrong form. The one you want is on that table.

  Fat Tony : And if I retrieve that form, will I be able to maintain my advantageous position in line?

  Selma Bouvier : Try it and see.

  [he turns around to leave] 

  Selma Bouvier : Nope.

• Selma Bouvier : Which of you losers is next in line?

  Fat Tony : [reading her nametag]  Hello, "Selma". I'd like to submit a change of address.

  Selma Bouvier : Leaving Mockingbird Lane, Mr. Munster?

• Fat Tony : [after Selma requests liposuction]  You shall have your lipo. Call our doctor friend who owes us a favor.

  Louie : Actually, we owe him a favor.

  Fat Tony : Do him two favors, then remind him that he owes us a favor.

• Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo! First in line. Brought you a gift bag.

  Bart Simpson : All that's left is banana Runts. That's the worst Runt. Back of the line, stranger.

  Homer Simpson : Huh?

  Lisa Simpson : We used our last day of summer vacation standing in this line, and now it's time for our reward.

  Bart Simpson : Next in line! What am I bid for next in line?

  Carl : Five bucks.

  Sideshow Mel : Ten bones.

  Chief Wiggum : Half a cheesesteak.

  Krusty the Clown : I'll perform at your birthday party. Sober.

  Chief Wiggum : Quarter of a cheesesteak.

  Groundskeeper Willie : A nest with a robin's egg.

  Chief Wiggum : The wrapper of a cheesesteak.

  Fat Tony : I bid one lollipop.

  Lisa Simpson : Sold, to the lowest bidder.

• Selma Bouvier : [kidnapped by Fat Tony]  The view was better inside the sack.

  Fat Tony : You are one tough cookie. I'll tell you what, I'll let you pick which body part I cut off first.

  Selma Bouvier : Fine. I choose my love handles.

  Fat Tony : What?

  Selma Bouvier : Then my arm wattles, my cankles, and finish off with my excess back fat.

  Fat Tony : You do not register the level of fear, say, Louie here would.

  Louie : Yeah, show some respect for the process.

• Fat Tony : Selma, will you share my life with me?

  Selma Bouvier : Oh, Tony, if there were an Italian word for yes, I'd be saying it right now.