The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Love Car Displacement (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Penny : You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept: "Don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat."

  Amy Farrah Fowler : That does seem to be a valid principle.

  Sheldon Cooper : I trust Penny will adhere to the official California Restaurant Workers' Solemn Oath of Ethics and Cleanliness.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I don't believe there's any such thing.

  Sheldon Cooper : [Incredulous, to Leonard]  You lied to me?

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, B.S., M.S., MA, Ph.D., and Sc.D. OMG, right?

• Sheldon Cooper : All right, why don't we see if we can bring this back to topic?

  Howard Wolowitz : [turns to Bernadette]  Let me ask you something, Bernie.

  Sheldon Cooper : [resigned]  I guess not.

  Howard Wolowitz : How would you feel if you met my ex-girlfriend and she was, like, Angelina Jolie?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, come on, Howard, be realistic!

  Howard Wolowitz : What? I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?

  Raj Koothrappali : I'd like to weigh in here: no.

• Sheldon Cooper : [turns on the light]  Please tell me you're not having coitus.

  Penny : We are not having coitus.

  Sheldon Cooper : And you can guarantee that it won't happen at any time during the night?

  Penny : Yes.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No.

• Sheldon Cooper : Remember, people, we're only as strong as our weakest bladder.

• Sheldon Cooper : Howard is a complete and total ass, Bernadette is in Penny's bed, Amy bites, and Penny may or may not have coitus with Leonard.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Trying to steer away from Bernadette and Howard's bickering]  Um, Dr. Koothrappali, would you like to weigh in on the matter?

  Raj Koothrappali : [Holding his drink]  Why certainly. I'd like to raise two points. Number one, I think they are talking about penises. And number two, these mimosas are kicking my little brown ass!

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Coldly to him]  I'd like to kick your little brown ass.

  Raj Koothrappali : What did I do?

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Sarcastically]  Oh, I don't know. Maybe when you walk into a hotel room and see a guy getting back with his girlfriend, you should maybe do something other than crawl into the other bed.

  Raj Koothrappali : I did. You said no Bridget Jones.

  Penny : [From the audience]  We weren't getting back together. It was a one-off fling.

  Sheldon Cooper : Um, we're not yet taking questions from the audience.

  Penny : Oh, *shut up*, Sheldon!

• Penny : [First lines; coming up to their table at the Cheesecake Factory]  Hey! So are we ready to order?

  Sheldon Cooper : Since we come in here every Tuesday at 6pm and it's now 6:08, your question not only answers itself, but also goes along with other non-sensical queries, like "Who let the dogs out?", or "How are they hanging?"

  Penny : [Marking her order tablet]  Ooookay, so the usual with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.

• Sheldon Cooper : [In their car, into a walkie-talkie]  Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.

  [No response, into walkie-talkie again] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.

  [Still no response, into walkie-talkie, this time annoyed] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Howard, you promised!

  Howard Wolowitz : [Over walkie-talkie speaker, annoyed]  Fine. Red Five to Red Leader. What do you want now?

  Sheldon Cooper : [Into walkie-talkie]  It's 11:15. I am requesting your quarterly hour location update.

  Howard Wolowitz : [Over speaker]  Still right behind you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Copy that, Red Five.

  [Looks into center rear-view mirror, then into walkie-talkie] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Verbal confirmation is sufficient. No need to extend your middle finger.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Trying to get the symposium back on track]  Let's open it up to the audience for a Q&A session.

  Penny : [In the audience]  Yeah, I have a question. Is there anyone who can get me the hell out of here and back to Los Angeles tonight?

  Glenn : [Also in the audience]  I'm driving back to L.A. tonight.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : [Pointing them out to each other]  Um, Penny, that's Glen. Glen, that's Penny.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Jumps up]  NO!

• Sheldon Cooper : [In Bernadette and Howard's car, the two of them can't even look at one another right now, and Raj is clearly suffering from the effects of his drinking the day before] 

  [Over walkie-talkie speaker] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Red Leader to Red Five. Red Leader to Red Five.

  [Howard doesn't respond, but Raj is clearly bothered by the sound] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Anybody up for a little game? I spy with my little eye a non-ferrous metal.

  [as Sheldon says the last line, Howard rolls the window down and throws his walkie-talkie out of the car. Then Raj throws up in a bag] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [Cut to Leonard and Sheldon's car, and Sheldon is looking at his walkie-talkie]  Must be out of range.

• Sheldon Cooper : In the lead car, driven by Leonard, will be myself, Amy Farrah Fowler, and Penny.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Yes!

  [to Penny] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : He had you in the other car, but I got you upgraded.