- Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept: "Don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat."
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That does seem to be a valid principle.
- Sheldon Cooper: I trust Penny will adhere to the official California Restaurant Workers' Solemn Oath of Ethics and Cleanliness.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't believe there's any such thing.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Incredulous, to Leonard] You lied to me?
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, why don't we see if we can bring this back to topic?
- Howard Wolowitz: [turns to Bernadette] Let me ask you something, Bernie.
- Sheldon Cooper: [resigned] I guess not.
- Howard Wolowitz: How would you feel if you met my ex-girlfriend and she was, like, Angelina Jolie?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, come on, Howard, be realistic!
- Howard Wolowitz: What? I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
- Raj Koothrappali: I'd like to weigh in here: no.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Leonard, could I ask you a question?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you bothered by the fact that your former girlfriend left the symposium with what is probably the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. Why do you ask?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Because we are going 120 miles per hour.
- Sheldon Cooper: [turns on the light] Please tell me you're not having coitus.
- Penny: We are not having coitus.
- Sheldon Cooper: And you can guarantee that it won't happen at any time during the night?
- Penny: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: We decided we didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by getting to know each other too well.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Shame. Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
- Penny: I'm your best friend?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Don't you read my blog?
- Penny: Oh, don't feel bad. I never read Leonard's, and I used to sleep with him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Referring to her sleeping in he and Sheldon's room] So, how do you wanna do this?
- Penny: Well, I'm not getting in bed with him.
- [Sheldon is asleep on his back, with the sheets tucked into him, and with a sleep mask on]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, it is a little like getting into Dracula's coffin.
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard is a complete and total ass, Bernadette is in Penny's bed, Amy bites, and Penny may or may not have coitus with Leonard.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sorry. I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Wait a minute. "A girl like me"? What's that mean?
- Howard Wolowitz: [instantly realizes his mistake] Um... I...
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?
- Howard Wolowitz: No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm *too* hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, let's go with that.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Trying to steer away from Bernadette and Howard's bickering] Um, Dr. Koothrappali, would you like to weigh in on the matter?
- Raj Koothrappali: [Holding his drink] Why certainly. I'd like to raise two points. Number one, I think they are talking about penises. And number two, these mimosas are kicking my little brown ass!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Coldly to him] I'd like to kick your little brown ass.
- Raj Koothrappali: What did I do?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Sarcastically] Oh, I don't know. Maybe when you walk into a hotel room and see a guy getting back with his girlfriend, you should maybe do something other than crawl into the other bed.
- Raj Koothrappali: I did. You said no Bridget Jones.
- Penny: [From the audience] We weren't getting back together. It was a one-off fling.
- Sheldon Cooper: Um, we're not yet taking questions from the audience.
- Penny: Oh, *shut up*, Sheldon!
- Penny: [Moves to hug Amy after Amy invites her to go to Big Sur] You know, it is going to be difficult, but I am going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my 'bestie'.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Somewhat coldly] Please don't touch my breasts!
- Penny: I... I wasn't going to.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: All right. I just want to establish boundaries.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [to Penny, who had turned down Amy's offer to be her plus-one for the science symposium everyone else is going to] Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all expense paid spa getaway to a four-star hotel in Big Sur?
- Penny: No, as... I'm sorry free what? Sorry, what what?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [to Amy] I think her weekend just opened up.
- Penny: Okay, just to be clear, when you guys say 'spa', does it mean the same as when regular people say it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Pretty much, only we keep our shirts on in the sauna.
- Penny: [First lines; coming up to their table at the Cheesecake Factory] Hey! So are we ready to order?
- Sheldon Cooper: Since we come in here every Tuesday at 6pm and it's now 6:08, your question not only answers itself, but also goes along with other non-sensical queries, like "Who let the dogs out?", or "How are they hanging?"
- Penny: [Marking her order tablet] Ooookay, so the usual with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.
- Sheldon Cooper: [In their car, into a walkie-talkie] Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.
- [No response, into walkie-talkie again]
- Sheldon Cooper: Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.
- [Still no response, into walkie-talkie, this time annoyed]
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard, you promised!
- Howard Wolowitz: [Over walkie-talkie speaker, annoyed] Fine. Red Five to Red Leader. What do you want now?
- Sheldon Cooper: [Into walkie-talkie] It's 11:15. I am requesting your quarterly hour location update.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Over speaker] Still right behind you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Copy that, Red Five.
- [Looks into center rear-view mirror, then into walkie-talkie]
- Sheldon Cooper: Verbal confirmation is sufficient. No need to extend your middle finger.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Trying to get the symposium back on track] Let's open it up to the audience for a Q&A session.
- Penny: [In the audience] Yeah, I have a question. Is there anyone who can get me the hell out of here and back to Los Angeles tonight?
- Glenn: [Also in the audience] I'm driving back to L.A. tonight.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Pointing them out to each other] Um, Penny, that's Glen. Glen, that's Penny.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Jumps up] NO!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Can I stay here tonight?
- Penny: Yeah. Why, what happened?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard's a complete and total ass.
- Penny: Oh yeah, that. Come on in.
- Sheldon Cooper: [In Bernadette and Howard's car, the two of them can't even look at one another right now, and Raj is clearly suffering from the effects of his drinking the day before]
- [Over walkie-talkie speaker]
- Sheldon Cooper: Red Leader to Red Five. Red Leader to Red Five.
- [Howard doesn't respond, but Raj is clearly bothered by the sound]
- Sheldon Cooper: Anybody up for a little game? I spy with my little eye a non-ferrous metal.
- [as Sheldon says the last line, Howard rolls the window down and throws his walkie-talkie out of the car. Then Raj throws up in a bag]
- Sheldon Cooper: [Cut to Leonard and Sheldon's car, and Sheldon is looking at his walkie-talkie] Must be out of range.
- Sheldon Cooper: In the lead car, driven by Leonard, will be myself, Amy Farrah Fowler, and Penny.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes!
- [to Penny]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: He had you in the other car, but I got you upgraded.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: A word of warning, though. I'm prone to night terrors. So, if I wake up kicking and screaming, don't panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair and I'll be fine.
- Penny: Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Got it. Got it... . We can do all kinds of stuff from the waist up, you know?