- Penny: Mrs. Cooper? Hey, it's Penny. Yeah, I think I broke your son.
- [hands Sheldon the phone]
- Penny: Talk to your mother.
- Sheldon Cooper: [sobbing] Mommy, I love you! Don't let Spock take me to the future!
- Raj Koothrappali: Somebody took pictures and uploaded them to their Flickr account.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wow. How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?
- Howard Wolowitz: Apparently, if you're Sheldon, all you need to do is turn your back.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I found another tweet from a student at Sheldon's lecture: "Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect."
- Howard Wolowitz: Listen to this one: "Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky dead?"
- Penny: Hey Leonard, is your Wi-Fi down? I can't get on.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It's now "Pennyisafreeloader". No spaces.
- Sheldon Cooper: I didn't wanna teach those poopy heads anyway!
- Howard Wolowitz: FYI, I think that's what Darth Vader said just before he started building the Death Star.
- Penny: Cat On A Hot Tin Roof is an American classic.
- Sheldon Cooper: So is the McRib sandwich. I don't care for that, either.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, I'm not familiar with the acronym "KMN".
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, from the context, we think it means "Kill me now".
- Sheldon Cooper: Good evening. I'm your guest lecturer, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
- [no reaction]
- Sheldon Cooper: I was expecting applause, but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate. I agreed to speak to you this evening because I was told that you're the best and the brightest of this university's doctoral candidates. Of course, that's like saying you're the most important electron in a hydrogen atom.
- [no reaction]
- Sheldon Cooper: Because, you see, there's only one electron in a hydrogen atom.
- [no reaction]
- Sheldon Cooper: Best and brightest, my sweet patootie.
- Sheldon Cooper: Do you realize that teaching is the first thing I've failed at since my ill-fated attempt to complete a chin-up in March of 1989?
- Howard Wolowitz: Bernadette has needs.
- Raj Koothrappali: What kind of needs?
- Howard Wolowitz: Sexual needs.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Most of them regular, some of them kind of messed up.
- [Sheldon is acting out a scene from a play he wrote]
- Sheldon Cooper: [as a child] Mommy, why are you crying?
- Sheldon Cooper: [as his mother] Because I'm gonna miss you, Shellybean, even though you creep the bejesus out of me.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [after multiple failed attempts to cheer up Sheldon] Well, that was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy.