The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Cohabitation Formulation (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

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Quotes 

• Priya Koothrappali : Rajesh, Leonard and I have decided to see each other again, and you don't get to tell me who I can or can't have a relationship with.

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, he can. The Hindu code of Manu is very clear in these matters. If a woman's father is not around, the duty of controlling her base desires falls to the closest male member of her family, in this case, Raj. The code also states that if she disobeys, she will be reborn in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases. If true, that seems like an awfully large gamble, given that the prize is Leonard.

• Sheldon Cooper : Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I may quote Howard, "do the dance with no pants."

• Priya Koothrappali : So, Penny, Leonard tells me you're an actress. That must be pretty exciting.

  Penny : Oh, yeah, yes, real great. Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat-food commercial. It turned out to be porn.

  Sheldon Cooper : Did you get the part?

  Penny : I didn't do the audition!

  Sheldon Cooper : Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky?

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, social protocol states when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage, such as tea.

  Howard Wolowitz : Tea does sound nice.

  Sheldon Cooper : You heard the man, Leonard. And while you're at it, I'm upset that we have an unannounced house guest, so make me cocoa.

• Penny : I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company. I don't want to impose.

  Sheldon Cooper : No, no. It's not an imposition. At this point, in our ecosystem, you are akin to the plover, a small scavenging bird that eats extra food from between the teeth of crocodiles. Please, fly into our open maw, and have at it.

  Penny : If I had more than a box of baking soda in my refrigerator, I wouldn't have to take that.

• Sheldon Cooper : Just keep in mind, should you ever need a slightly apathetic tertiary friend, I stand at the ready.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset.

  Sheldon Cooper : Right. I'll make tea.

  Penny : Oh Sweetie, that's okay. I don't want tea.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, it's not optional.

• Sheldon Cooper : I'll finish making the tea while you narcissistically ramble on about whatever's troubling you.

  Howard Wolowitz : Thanks.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's what tertiary friends are for.