The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Desperation Emanation (2010)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Leonard Hofstadter : Alright, well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon Cooper : Screwed.
Leonard Hofstadter : There you go.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Howard, I appreciate the effort, but this is like, the worst date of my life.
Howard Wolowitz : Seriously? I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on JDate, and that didn't even crack my top 10.
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Leonard Hofstadter : So, Bernadette tells me she knows you from a self defense class?
Joy : Yeah, Israeli Krav Maga, lots of fun. Basically a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wow, didn't think there'd be that many.
Joy : [lunging her hand at him] Number forty-two!
Leonard Hofstadter : Whoa!
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [laughing] Isn't she a pip?
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Sheldon Cooper : What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Leonard Hofstadter : Um, recently? Not much.
Sheldon Cooper : Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?
Leonard Hofstadter : Um... shut up.
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Raj Koothrappali : You remind me of the funny old story about a man who walks into a women's correctional institution with a stack of paperwork that would allow the female convicts to go free.
Leonard Hofstadter : You're saying I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a handful of pardons.
Raj Koothrappali : Are you going to let me tell the story or not?
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Leonard Hofstadter : You have a girlfriend? How could you have a girlfriend? You can't even speak to women.
Raj Koothrappali : Uh, two words: deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Raj Koothrappali : That's what she said.
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Leonard Hofstadter : You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon Cooper : No worries, I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."
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Sheldon Cooper : You know, it just occurred to me: if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of then there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Leonard Hofstadter : Probably; what's your point?
Sheldon Cooper : No point. It's just one of the things that makes one of the mes chuckle.
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Sheldon Cooper : Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, so?
Sheldon Cooper : What does that mean?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl who's your friend, and not your girlfriend?
Sheldon Cooper : Uh-huh.
Leonard Hofstadter : You can't say that anymore.
Sheldon Cooper : What?
Leonard Hofstadter : She obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!
Leonard Hofstadter : Me? How am I supposed to fix it?
Sheldon Cooper : Simple! You want a girlfriend, Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, guys.
Howard Wolowitz : Hey.
Raj Koothrappali : Hey.
Sheldon Cooper : Alright, I'll bow to social pressure. Hey.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?
Sheldon Cooper : As if one of the plants from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.