Gears of War 3 (2011 Video Game)

Fred Tatasciore: Damon Baird, Locust Drone, Locust Boomer, Thrashball Player #1

Quotes 

• Damon Baird : [to Sam, who just saved him from falling]  Uh... I suppose you want me to say I've always loved you.

  Sam Byrne : [struggling to hang onto him]  Ugh!

  Damon Baird : But I don't. I really, *really* don't!

• Clayton Carmine : [discovering that the cable car to the Centennial Bridge is gone]  Well... *Shit.*

  Augustus Cole : Uh, anyone afraid-a heights?

  [Lambent stalks start growing behind them, blocking their way back] 

  Damon Baird : [quickly weighs his options]  Uhh - not anymore. Love heights! Love 'em. *F - *in' love 'em.

  Sam Byrne : [passing everyone hooks for ziplining]  Come on! The line still reaches the bridge!

  Augustus Cole : And that's our stop, so let's do this - !

  [starts ziplining, brings out pistol] 

  Augustus Cole : WHOO!

  Augustus Cole : [as the scene transitions to gameplay]  *Whoo-hoo-hoo!* I think I jus' invented a new sport, *bitches!*

  Damon Baird : [yelling at him from the other cable; somehow sarcastically]  Getting your ass shot off while dangling from a cable? Yeah, yeah, that'll catch on quick! The "*Ass*-Off Championships"!

• Anya Stroud : [when the Lambent Zerker shows up]  Lambent Berserker!

  Augustus Cole : [seeing the monster]  God - *DAMN*, you a ugly bitch!

  Marcus Fenix : [to Baird via comms]  *Baird, where's the damn Hammer?*

  Damon Baird : It's firing...

  [Beat] 

  Damon Baird : *NOW!*

  Dominic Santiago : [over comms; as the Hammer's laser activates]  Marcus! *Run!*

  Marcus Fenix : *RUN!* Everybody - get to the fort!

• Augustus Cole : [coming across a playground turntable; laughing]  Hey, Baird, why don't you hop on an' I give you a push?

  Damon Baird : Uhhhhhhh, yeah, you know what? No thanks.

• Damon Baird : [shoving the Ticker storage crate over the edge, spilling its contents on the Lambent Leviathan]  YO! Bombs away!... 'n' all that shit.

• Damon Baird : [checking out the Locusts' new Multiturret]  Hmm... Creative assholes, arent they? Looks like they're building turrets out of old Lancers. "A" for effort.

  Sam Byrne : Everyone's salvaging stuff, even the bloody grubs.

  Damon Baird : Yeah, those things could stop a truck. So long as the recoil didn't dislocate your shoulder.

• Damon Baird : [approaching the Stranded barricade on Centennial Bridge; pointing to his forehead]  Am I the only one who can feel the crosshairs just about here?

  Sam Byrne : Hey - I saw movement. Top of the barricade. Stay sharp.

  [a pause, then...] 

  Augustus Cole : ...Helloooo? Anyone home? Knock, knock! We just passin' through. We just need a hand gettin' to our *SHIT!*

  [That last part was because the Locust at the barricade had started firing on them. The squad takes cover] 

  Augustus Cole : Huh. So much for diplomacy!

  Damon Baird : Yeah, what else do you expect from these Stranded shits? Let's get this over with.

  Sam Byrne : [aims her LongShot; pauses]  Hey - those aren't Stranded. They're Locust!

  Damon Baird : [after Sam shoots a Locust Drone]  Oh, *great!* Look who's back in town!

  Augustus Cole : Well, we *did* flood 'em out their tunnels.

• Damon Baird : [over radio to Marcus, as the Lambent Leviathan begins to enter an explosion state; with sarcasm]  Hey, I thought you'd enjoy the witty irony of Grub-on-Glowie violence!

  Marcus Fenix : [running away from the glowing Leviathan; yelling]  Yeah, it's f - in' hilarious! *YOU'RE GONNA BLOW UP THE WHOLE SHIP, GENIUS!*

• Marcus Fenix : All right, people, let's find 'em. I need Prescott alive.

  Damon Baird : [still in disbelief]  All this going on, and we're worried about *Prescott?*

  Dominic Santiago : Prescott knows where Marcus's dad is.

  Damon Baird : [startled]  Whoa... Well, that's gonna be one ugly can of worms.

  Marcus Fenix : Save your strength, Baird. I'm gonna need you to recover a message for me.

• Damon Baird : Hey, I make intelligent use of free resources! That's how come we're still alive to bitch about it!

• Damon Baird : [when Dom complains about Corpsers]  Well, you see, that's 'cause humans are hard-wired to react to things that scuttle and... okay, I'll shut up now.

• Damon Baird : [coming across a Corpser lair]  Hey, Dom... Do *eggs*... freak you out, too?

• Augustus Cole : [inside the Corpser lair; seeing a newly-hatched Corpser]  Ah, so *that's* where Corpsers come from.

  Damon Baird : [in a false sing-song voice]  When a mommy Corpser and a daddy Corpser love each other very much...

  Augustus Cole : Whoa, stay back, Baird! It'll think the first thing it sees is its mother!

  Marcus Fenix : [completely unamused]  Why don't you two guys shut the *f - * up before we wake its mother?

  [instead, they accidentally get the hatchling's attention, causing it to scream] 

  Dominic Santiago : Well, there goes that idea!

  [They kill the hatchling, but it's already too late - a loud roar echoes throughout the lair] 

  Marcus Fenix : Ah, *shit* - *we woke mom!*

  Dominic Santiago : And she woke the family! Those damn eggs are hatching!

  Marcus Fenix : C'mon, kill 'em and get out of here!

• Augustus Cole : [after Anya mentions Prescott over the radio]  I heard "Prescott". Tell me that's jus' my old head injury?

  Damon Baird : [in disbelief]  *Prescott?*

  Marcus Fenix : What, do we have an echo here or something? Yeah, Prescott's back, Michaelson's dead, and my father's alive. Film at eleven.

• Damon Baird : [finding a large tree with cages hang from it; noticing the corpses inside]  Uh, what's in those cages?

  Marcus Fenix : [flatly]  It's a "Keep Out" sign.

  [Beat] 

  Augustus Cole : ...Well, it almos' worked!

• [friendly fire] 

  Dominic Santiago : Maybe you should take point.

  Dominic Santiago : [indignantly]  Hey!

  Damon Baird : Cease fire, asshole!

  Damon Baird : Hey, check your aim! Idiot...

  Augustus Cole : Same team!

  Anya Stroud : Check your aim!

  Sam Byrne : Hey, *d - *wad! *Open your eyes!*

• Dominic Santiago : [moving through the Locust trench system]  Anyone know where we are?

  Damon Baird : Uh... In the shit. Up to here.

  [puts his hand above his head] 

• Damon Baird : [while killing Corpser hatchlings in the Corpser lair]  Uh... Isn't it bad luck to kill spiders or something?

  Augustus Cole : They ain't spiders! It's bad luck if we *don't* kill 'em!

• Marcus Fenix : [as his squad lures the Lambent Leviathan to the front of the Sovereign, below the Cenntenial Bridge]  Cole, you've got one pissed Leviathan in position. You ready?

  Augustus Cole : [as *his* squad fights their way to the Ticker crate above the Leviathan; with more Savage Locust appearing behind them]  Yo, give us a minute!

  Marcus Fenix : [frusturated]  Ah, tell Baird he's just blowing shit up, not writing a *goddamn symphony!*

  Damon Baird : [with Cole only; offended]  You know what - tell *him* I'm being a genius as fast as I can!

  Augustus Cole : [to Marcus]  Yeah, but we got our own problems up here!

  [Cole's squad finally manages to fend off the remaining Locust] 

  Marcus Fenix : Cole, you're gonna be scrapin' us up in a bucket if you don't get a move on!

  Augustus Cole : Find some cover fast, or your ass gonna be swimmin' in some glowie gravy!

• Dominic Santiago : [debating whether to use the trenches to reach their objective]  Looks like we're gonna have to cut throught the trenches. Unless anyone prefers a suicide run across open ground.

  Damon Baird : I vote we sneak around and avoid getting shot in the ass for a change!

  Augustus Cole : Hell, yeah, I second that!

  Marcus Fenix : Carried. Unanimously.

• Damon Baird : [after successfully hijacking a Locust gas barge]  This is the last time I fly with a budget airline!

• Marcus Fenix : [as the falling gas barge begins to touch down]  Baird, is there a way to slow this thing down?

  Damon Baird : Oh, it'll slow right down. When we crash.

  [And so they do. Loudly] 

• Damon Baird : [removing the nav system after "parking" the barge]  Just in case it decides to go exploring without us.

• Augustus Cole : [start of battle vs. Lambent Zerker; noticing that something is wrong with the monster's chest area]  The *hell* is that flappy thing in her chest?

  Damon Baird : [disgusted]  Ugh... Looks like her ribs opening! Okay, that's gotta be a weak spot. *Aim for it!*

• Damon Baird : [after the squad defeats the Lambent Zerker; kicks away a chunk of the monster's remains]  So, how was it for you?

  Marcus Fenix : Are we done here? Come on, Baird - we still got a job to do.

• Damon Baird : [after decrypting the Azura data disc]  Here it is: Azura. No pictures, but plenty of data and maps. Knock yourself out.

  Marcus Fenix : But it's an *island.* How the hell do you *hide an island?*

  [a barrier-like formation appears around the island hologram] 

  Victor Hoffman : That's how: More of Prescott's top-secret bullshit! The hell is a "Maelstrom Barrier"?

  Damon Baird : Some kind of shielding device...

  [the formation solidifies into a storm enveloping the island] 

  Damon Baird : Oh, an artificial hurricane around the island! Hey, Prescott was really investing in the "crazy-tyrant technology". I'd almost admire that.

• Augustus Cole : [finding caged Tickers in the trenches]  Hey, a pet shop! Haha, hey, Baird, look! That one's cute! Ha-ha!

  Damon Baird : [sarcastically]  Yeah! It can do tricks, too! Like blowing up in your face!

• Damon Baird : [seeing what the Locust had done behind the barricade]  Hey, I like what they've done with the place. The informal, squalid look.

  Sam Byrne : It's grubs we're talking about, Baird. Squalid's normal for them...

  Damon Baird : [interrupting her]  No, when they were underground, they were organized. This looks like they've gone feral or something. Stranded. Savage, even.

  Sam Byrne : Savage, eh? Does that make them easier to fight or not?