- Donna Tubbs: [as she measures Rallo] Rallo, you've grown a foot and a half. Young man, it is time I give you another haircut.
- Rallo Tubbs: No offense, Mama, but I'm ready to get a real haircut from someone who qualified to cut hair.
- Donna Tubbs: Oh, so suddenly my Master's in cosmetology means nothing.
- Rallo Tubbs: Yeah, suddenly.
- Donna Tubbs: [cuts a piece of Rallo's hair] Well, I guess I can't help you with that. Little smart ass.
- Lester Krinklesac: I told you, Cleveland. We've lost everything and it's all your fault. You tricked me with your Obama-like eloquence and "tell you no lie" mustache.
- Cleveland Brown: [to Kendra] Hey, Kiki, taking a little break?
- Kendra Krinklesac: Well, being a widow ain't as glamorous as Courtney Love makes it look.
- Rallo Tubbs: [after Donna forbids Rallo from going to the barbershop] Oh, man. Murray and his friends are so lucky their mamas are dead.
- Bernard: Oh, damn, Rallo.
- Rallo Tubbs: I know. I shouldn't have said it. God, please don't take my mama!
- Cleveland Brown: [after Lester sprays fragrance in his face] Aah! I got Swank eye! I reek of false humility!
- Lester Krinklesac: Goodbye, Cleveland. You better get out of here before Dean Cain gets home. He is a horrible human being.
- Rallo Tubbs: [to Donna] Mama, look at all these women. You've ruined my barbershop. Just like that "Beauty Shop" movie ruined the "Barbershop" franchise.
- Donna Tubbs: Again, Rallo, just because we're black that doesn't mean we have to pretend "Barbershop" was a good movie.
- Lester Krinklesac: [after Kendra falls to the ground after being lifted up by a crane to Lester's apartment] Kendra!
- Kendra Krinklesac: I'm okay, but both my legs is broken and I crushed Dean Cain.
- Lester Krinklesac: No one will miss him.
- Kendra Krinklesac: [to Cleveland] Check it, homes. Your air mattress done went flat on me.
- Cleveland Brown: That wasn't an air mattress. It was a $1500 Sealy Posturepedic pillow top.
- Kendra Krinklesac: Well, now it's a flat toilet.