Futurama (TV Series)

The Tip of the Zoidberg (2011)

Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Farnsworth : Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long, sometimes I don't think we need words to understand each other.

  Dr. Zoidberg : What?

• Dr. Zoidberg : I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpson's jaundice.

  Philip J. Fry : Ay, carumba.

  Dr. Zoidberg : His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match.

  Turanga Leela : Well, if it'll help Fry...

  Philip J. Fry : Careful Leela. He knows less about human anatomy than I do, and I can't even find my own uterus.

  Dr. Zoidberg : [turns on power saw]  You may feel a slight sawing.

• Hermes Conrad : I thought you were only going to take out one vertebrae.

  Dr. Zoidberg : Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you take out one and...

  [imitates crashing] 

• Philip J. Fry : Oh, sure. Leela's fine. But my jaundice has progressed to Muppet gangrene. It's not easy being gangrenous.

• [last lines] 

  Dr. Zoidberg : Ah... I was going to tan... once.

  [looks dejected] 

  Professor Farnsworth : What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

  Dr. Zoidberg : Thank you, Hubert.

  [both run around whooping] 

• Philip J. Fry : My God! He's like some kind of credible Hulk.

• Philip J. Fry : I consider myself a reasonable man - quick with a joke, slow to anger - but Bender can't go on long car trips anymore! I say we kill Dr. Zoidberg!

  Hermes Conrad : People, let's be reasonable...

  [falls apart] 

  Hermes Conrad : Death to the crab!

• Professor Farnsworth : How bad is it, Johnny?

  Dr. Zoidberg : Superbad. It's Tritonian hypermalaria. Most of these men will be dead in twenty-four hours.

  Sergeant : What?

  Dr. Zoidberg : But not you, sir. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel.

  Sergeant : Ahh.

  Dr. Zoidberg : Funny plague, hypermalaria. It can kill instantly, or lay dormant for decades. Then you get fever, followed by muscle spasms, insanity, coma, and finally, death.

  Sergeant : Death?

  Dr. Zoidberg : Supermodel!

• Dr. Zoidberg : A Tritonian yeti? You're not planning anything unethical, are you?

  Mom : Relax. There is nothing unethical about a little covert biowarfare research. I said relax!

• Dr. Zoidberg : So anyway, I hope your men had all been taking their hypermalaria shots.

  Professor Farnsworth : Their wha?

  Dr. Zoidberg : "Their wha?"

  [laughs] 

  Dr. Zoidberg : That's funny. Like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hypermalaria. Just make sure to stay away from the methane swamps.

  [They land on a swamp] 

  Dr. Zoidberg : What smells like methane?

• Philip J. Fry : Stop complaining. My body rejected your liver and now I have Garfield Syndrome. I hate Mondays.

• Professor Farnsworth : I saw this in a Tarzan movie. It was called "Tarzan and the Yetis." I lost my virginity while watching it, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details.

• Mom : Do you ever regret it, leaving me to work for the professor?

  Dr. Zoidberg : What do you want me to say, Carol? He saved my life.

  Mom : But you could have had it all. Your own lab, a private staff...

  Dr. Zoidberg : But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need a thing. The thing from Triton.

  Mom : It'll cost ya. How much are you worth now, Johnny?

  Dr. Zoidberg : I live in a dumpster. All I have is this coupon for a free session at the tanning salon.

  Mom : Oh, Johnny. Is that really all you have?

  [Zoidberg nods yes] 

  Mom : Then I'll take it.

• Dr. Zoidberg : What started out as a night of drugs and light surgery has turned into something more. But don't worry, there are two or three other coworkers with lots of spare parts.