- Kenneth Parcell: Hey everybody! I got fired today. You won't have Kenneth Ellen Parcell to kick around anymore. So I'm going to tell you people what I really think of you. No. No. For four years I have listened to you all complain about your East Coast media elite problems, your apartment renovations, and your overpriced Star Wars memorabilia.
- Carol: That doorman is hammered.
- Kenneth Parcell: I have watched you throw away better food than my family eats at Christmas. And I have loved it. You people, you are my best friends and I hope you get everything you want in life.
- [drops microphone]
- Jack Donaghy: Kenneth!
- Kenneth Parcell: So kiss my face.
- Carol: That was actually really sweet.
- Kenneth Parcell: I'll see you all in heaven. Have a wonderful summer.
- Pete Hornberger: Kenneth, you are the new Junior In-Charge Boy of the entire NBC Page Program.
- Kenneth Parcell: Oh, my goodness! This is my dream come true! And to hear it from my best friend in the whole world, comma, Bald Category.
- Pete Hornberger: Well, you start in two weeks. And they'll give you some moving money to help you get to L.A.
- Kenneth Parcell: California? But that's where they shoot filthy movies, like "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants," which encourages women to wear pants. I can't move out there and be away from all of you. No, thank you, sir, I'll pass.
- Pete Hornberger: You can't pass. Jack put you up for this. If you don't want the job, you have to talk to him.
- Kenneth Parcell: Fine, I will talk to him. And Mr. Donaghy will understand, because he's my best friend in the whole world, comma, Beautiful Hair Category, parentheses, Strong.
- Jack Donaghy: Yes, I continued to see other people.
- Nancy Donovan: No, not people, one person. Who, apparently, you're also in love with.
- Jack Donaghy: It's possible. Haven't you ever read Archie comics?
- Wesley: You try to end our engagement with a textual transmission? And then leave me in the lurch without tuxedo slippers? Your behavior as a fiancée has been as weak as American tea. There, I've said it.