- Harry von Zell: I'm great at character stuff! I'm what you might call a man-of-a-thousand-faces.
- George Burns: You couldn't be, or you wouldn't have picked that one.
- Blanche Morton: Honey, look, the best way to handle George is tell him the truth.
- Gracie Allen: Oh! Now I see why you and Harry have so many fights.
- Colonel Bradley: I'll never forget my first safari.
- Gracie Allen: Oh, did you shoot it or capture it alive?
- Colonel Bradley: No, no, Mrs. Burns, we travel on a safari.
- Gracie Allen: Oh, then it's a domestic animal.
- Ronnie Burns: I've, uh - I got a problem.
- George Burns: When'd you meet her?
- Ronnie Burns: Who?
- George Burns: The problem. When'd you meet her?
- Ronnie Burns: How'd you know I met a new girl?
- George Burns: Well, it's a new week, isn't it?
- Ronnie Burns: It seems that everything happens in this house. Last time I brought a girl home, Mr. Von Zell showed up with an Indian in full war paint. And another time, mother locked my professor in the closet!
- George Burns: Ronnie, if those things didn't happen in this house... we wouldn't have one.
- Gracie Allen: Any more questions?
- George Burns: Yeah, just one. Who's the man upstairs in his underwear?
- Gracie Allen: Any more questions?
- George Burns: No, I like that one. Who is he?
- Gracie Allen: Well, he's Colonel Bradley, a famous African hunter who spoke at our club meeting and I asked him to stay with us for a week.
- George Burns: For a week? Don't you think you should have asked my permission?
- Gracie Allen: Why?
- George Burns: I'm the head of the house.
- Gracie Allen: Oh George, I'm so relieved! You know, I thought you were mad at me, and here you are making jokes!
- Harry Morton: Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time you and your wife have ruined my marriage!
- George Burns: Harry, don't blame me for spoiling your happiness.
- Harry Morton: I didn't say "happiness." My marriage ruined my happiness and you and your wife are ruining my marriage!
- Colonel Bradley: Time certainly flew - I must have been telling you of my adventures for the last two hours! I hope you weren't bored.
- Gracie Allen: Well, if I was, I was so interested I didn't even notice it.