Community (TV Series)

Pascal's Triangle Revisited (2010)

Ken Jeong: Ben Chang

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Michelle Slater : Yo, Goldilocks. Drop the smirk. I know about your grungy tumble, and I'm sure it was the highlight of your diary, but it was during a pit stop in something real.

  Britta Perry : You were the pit stop. He used you to numb the pain of not getting with me. Jeff needs a girl who doesn't just not wear underwear because Oprah told her it would spice things up. He needs a girl who doesn't wear underwear because she hasn't done laundry in three weeks. He's been to flavor country now. They should retire the table we did it on.

  Shirley Bennett : [spit-take as she passes by]  Table?

  Dean Pelton : Miss Britta Perry!

  [applause] 

  Britta Perry : Oh, I'm sorry. I have to go. I just won a contest for being hot.

  [on-stage, grabs mic and gasps] 

  Britta Perry : Oh, wow. This is a huge honor. This may come as a surprise to you, but I've never actually won anything before.

  Dean Pelton : Okay, well, you still haven't. I'm just listing the nominees, so not a great time to get cocky. Okay. Christine Hollinsworth!

  [Light applause] 

  Dean Pelton : [Michelle approaches Jeff]  Britney Baker!

  [Cheers and applause] 

  Dean Pelton : [Britta exits stage embarrassed and bewildered]  Miss Danielle Harmond!

  [Applause] 

  Dean Pelton : [Michelle kisses Jeff]  Amy Sm...

  Britta Perry : [returns on-stage and grabs mic]  Jeff Winger, do not get back with Slater. I love you.

  [gasps from the audience] 

  Señor Chang : Psst, psst, Britta. Britta! Your lipstick looks better.

• Professor Ian Duncan : You know, you don't actually have to lie on a sofa like it's a Woody Allen movie.

  Britta Perry : Thank you for telling me that in the last session, dumbass.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Now, look... there are bugs on the windshield of your mind you may never be able to squeegee, like a certain birthday party attended by a rather enterprising transient in a dinosaur costume. But there are other more recent streaks that you might yet be able to wipe clear, like your adolescent fear of being a so-called blow-up doll. I really think this nomination may actually help that.

  Britta Perry : So you think id feel better about myself if I got all sexed up, went over there, and really tried to be crowned queen of the dingbats?

  Professor Ian Duncan : Precisely.

  Britta Perry : Wow. Guess you really get what you pay for with free therapy.

  [rises from couch] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ouch. That stung a little bit. Thanks.

  Britta Perry : [opens door to leave]  Oh.

  Señor Chang : [disgustedly]  Oh.

  Britta Perry : I'll save you some time. He listens to you talk for a year, then recommends a makeover.

  Señor Chang : Well, don't wear as much lipstick as you did on Valentine's Day. Your mouth looked like a coin purse.

• Professor Ian Duncan : Senor Chang... Greendale's foremost, if only, Spanish teacher. What can I do for you?

  Señor Chang : I am actually a student now.

  Professor Ian Duncan : [quietly]  Oh.

  Señor Chang : But I was thinking, as a teacher and as my friend, um... if you could help me... cheat my way through school.

  Professor Ian Duncan : I have a counterproposal. How about... I point out to you that we've never actually been friends, then laugh at your very well-deserved misfortune? Let's just try that a second.

  [clears throat, begins laughing] 

• Professor Ian Duncan : [drunkenly]  Everybody sh... everybody close their faces. All right, he's got a lot on his mind. Leave him alone. Oka... I got it from here. My name is Professor Ian Duncan, and I would like to rap for you.

  Dean Pelton : No.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Drop a beat.

  [hip-hop music] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Uh-oh, uh-oh. My name is Ian Duncan, and I'm here to say / I'm going to rap to the beat in a rapping way / I've got a real big penis, and I drink lots of tea

  Dean Pelton : Oh, okay. Okay, okay. No, no, no, you know what, Duncan?

  Professor Ian Duncan : What?

  Dean Pelton : That's enough.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Why?

  Dean Pelton : You have a problem.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, I have a problem?

  Dean Pelton : Yes.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Who is it here who has a Dalmatian fetish?

  Dean Pelton : Oh, ok... okay. Well, that is a oversimplification, and you are suspended.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, come on.

  Señor Chang : Oh, not a teacher anymore. What's this?

  Professor Ian Duncan : A roll of quarters. Why? Funny question.

  [Ben makes a fist around the roll of quarters and punches Ian in the chin, then jumps on Ian's back] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, man!

  Dean Pelton : Friends, help me, friends! Help me!

  Professor Ian Duncan : He's on me! He's on me!

• Professor Ian Duncan : Senor Chang... is there a word in Spanish for someone who used to pretend to be a professor, but was a teacher, but wasn't actually a teacher, and he's now a student? Is there a word for that? Oh, if it was in Spanish, you wouldn't know, would you?

  [Ben draws back to throw a punch] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ah, bup, bup, bup. Hit a professor, you'll get expelled.

  Señor Chang : I will find a loophole.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, good luck with that.

  Señor Chang : [whispers]  Then I'll kill you.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Good.

  Jeff Winger : Dudley Moore.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Spray tan. I'd go easy on that punch if I was you. I've put in a little...