Nothing fantastic, but a decent action movie. Giving it 1 star is absolutely ridiculous. Very few movies deserve 1 (same goes for 10), yet here on IMDB it's wildly overused. If you can't see the difference in quality between an Ed Wood movie and Colombiana (production, story, acting etc.), you really shouldn't rate movies. Most likely you just enjoy shitting on things, which seems quite popular these days. A mediocre movie deserves 4-6 stars, not bloody 1, and if you watch enough movies you should at least learn to see the difference between shitty and mediocre. Colombiana is not great, but kept my interest up and it's clearly better than a shitload of other action movies. I rate it somewhere between 6 and 7, but round up because of all the idiotic 1's.
274 Reviews
Your run-of-the-mill EuropaCorp action flick
Happy_Evil_Dude23 August 2011
If there is one French director the non-French general public knows about, it's Luc Besson. Even if the name means nothing to you, chances are you've heard of the films he's had a hand in. Among his most famous films are Léon: The Professional (which introduced American audiences to Jean Reno and Natalie Portman), Nikita (which has been remade into an American film and two American TV shows so far) and The Fifth Element (which nearly 15 years later remains one of the most famous science-fiction films as well as one of the 10 most expensive French films).
At the dawn of the new millennium, Besson started his own production company, EuropaCorp, which in the last ten years or so has funded its fair share of diverse movies, both in the French and English language. Nevertheless Europa (as it's known in short) is best known to mass audiences for its numerous, high-octane, medium-budget action films, most of which are written or co-written by Besson himself (often with Karate Kid screenwriter Robert Mark Kamen). Among these are the Taxi, Transporter and District B13 series of films, Wasabi, Taken, From Paris With Love, Danny The Dog (also known as Unleashed), Bandidas, Kiss Of The Dragon, Yamakasi, Crimson Rivers 2, Hit-man,... Through these films, Besson is also responsible for introducing the world to Parkour, which seems to have taken over action cinema in the past 5 years (and even making its way to films such as Step Up 3D).
Colombiana is another product from Besson's action film factory. The story starts in 1992 in Bogota, where some mob guy, Don Luis, orders a hit against a former associate of his who he considers has betrayed him, and naturally his whole family. Only young Cataleya Restrepo escapes the bloody shootout during an intense Parkour chase (what else?), and manages to reach her uncle in Chicago, to whom she swears that she'll become a hit-man and avenge her family. Fast-forward and enter Zoe Saldana as adult Cataleya as the rest of the film takes place, strangely enough, in 2007. With her uncle's help, Cataleya has indeed grown up to be an awesomely skilled contract killer, having performed 22 jobs in 4 years. However, she signs each of her kills with a message destined for her real prey, making her one of the FBI's most wanted. When the FBI decides to divulge her "serial killer" status, Don Luis and his men know what's up, and all hell breaks loose.
Much has been said of the film's similarity with Besson's Léon and Nikita, with many people musing that the film could just have well have been a sequel to Léon with Natalie Portman's character all grown-up and kicking butt (something fans have been dreaming about for years). Now I haven't seen Nikita, but while there are similarities between Léon's Mathilda and Colombiana's Cataleya, the two films are definitely not on the same level. Colombiana is really your typical, run-of-the-mill Besson action production, which is really not a bad thing. It is not in the top-tier of these films (where I place films such as Taken and Danny The Dog), but still a perfectly entertaining romp.
Viewers concerned with director Olivier Megaton due to the perceived lack of action in Transporter 3, his previous film, need not be concerned. The action here is almost non-stop, pretty much to the detriment of plot. While the story has potential and could make for a film with a lot more depth, whatever plot is here is minimal to the max, recycled, cliché and basically a hodge-podge of all previous hit-man/revenge/on-the-run-from-the-law films you've ever seen. There is absolutely zero character development whatsoever and if you didn't know that Cataleya's parents were murdered by Don Luis, you would have no idea why any of the characters are doing what they're doing. I'm not exaggerating, the Transformers films, heavily criticized for this reason, have more character development.
But lack of plot depth isn't really a negative here. More depth would have certainly made it a better film, but Colombiana is still entertaining as a simple, straightforward, "dumb" B action flick. Like all EuropaCorp films, production values are top-notch. The expected Parkour chase is kept fresh by having it unfold with a child. Zoe Saldana gives a great physical performance and spends a great deal of time flitting in and out of vents and the various hits shown in the film are all quite cool. The other actors also do fine, though Michael Vartan's character has very little purpose and is actually barely in the movie. Also this might be the only movie you'll ever see in which toothbrushes are used as weapons.
In short, know what to expect from Colombiana (which literally means Colombian woman by the way), and you'll enjoy it fine. It's a straight-up action movie, no more, no less, very low on plot, high on action, that falls straight into the heap with the scores of other similar Besson-produced films, though it doesn't possess the touches of humor that most of his other productions have. In comparison to the other hit-man movies of the year, it's superior to The Mechanic, but way inferior to Hanna (though it contains a lot more action than Hanna, which shouldn't be seen as an action film). This is no Léon: The Professional 2, fans can keep hoping that Besson and Portman work that one out at some point (interestingly, Megaton is first in line to direct if that movie does happen).
At the dawn of the new millennium, Besson started his own production company, EuropaCorp, which in the last ten years or so has funded its fair share of diverse movies, both in the French and English language. Nevertheless Europa (as it's known in short) is best known to mass audiences for its numerous, high-octane, medium-budget action films, most of which are written or co-written by Besson himself (often with Karate Kid screenwriter Robert Mark Kamen). Among these are the Taxi, Transporter and District B13 series of films, Wasabi, Taken, From Paris With Love, Danny The Dog (also known as Unleashed), Bandidas, Kiss Of The Dragon, Yamakasi, Crimson Rivers 2, Hit-man,... Through these films, Besson is also responsible for introducing the world to Parkour, which seems to have taken over action cinema in the past 5 years (and even making its way to films such as Step Up 3D).
Colombiana is another product from Besson's action film factory. The story starts in 1992 in Bogota, where some mob guy, Don Luis, orders a hit against a former associate of his who he considers has betrayed him, and naturally his whole family. Only young Cataleya Restrepo escapes the bloody shootout during an intense Parkour chase (what else?), and manages to reach her uncle in Chicago, to whom she swears that she'll become a hit-man and avenge her family. Fast-forward and enter Zoe Saldana as adult Cataleya as the rest of the film takes place, strangely enough, in 2007. With her uncle's help, Cataleya has indeed grown up to be an awesomely skilled contract killer, having performed 22 jobs in 4 years. However, she signs each of her kills with a message destined for her real prey, making her one of the FBI's most wanted. When the FBI decides to divulge her "serial killer" status, Don Luis and his men know what's up, and all hell breaks loose.
Much has been said of the film's similarity with Besson's Léon and Nikita, with many people musing that the film could just have well have been a sequel to Léon with Natalie Portman's character all grown-up and kicking butt (something fans have been dreaming about for years). Now I haven't seen Nikita, but while there are similarities between Léon's Mathilda and Colombiana's Cataleya, the two films are definitely not on the same level. Colombiana is really your typical, run-of-the-mill Besson action production, which is really not a bad thing. It is not in the top-tier of these films (where I place films such as Taken and Danny The Dog), but still a perfectly entertaining romp.
Viewers concerned with director Olivier Megaton due to the perceived lack of action in Transporter 3, his previous film, need not be concerned. The action here is almost non-stop, pretty much to the detriment of plot. While the story has potential and could make for a film with a lot more depth, whatever plot is here is minimal to the max, recycled, cliché and basically a hodge-podge of all previous hit-man/revenge/on-the-run-from-the-law films you've ever seen. There is absolutely zero character development whatsoever and if you didn't know that Cataleya's parents were murdered by Don Luis, you would have no idea why any of the characters are doing what they're doing. I'm not exaggerating, the Transformers films, heavily criticized for this reason, have more character development.
But lack of plot depth isn't really a negative here. More depth would have certainly made it a better film, but Colombiana is still entertaining as a simple, straightforward, "dumb" B action flick. Like all EuropaCorp films, production values are top-notch. The expected Parkour chase is kept fresh by having it unfold with a child. Zoe Saldana gives a great physical performance and spends a great deal of time flitting in and out of vents and the various hits shown in the film are all quite cool. The other actors also do fine, though Michael Vartan's character has very little purpose and is actually barely in the movie. Also this might be the only movie you'll ever see in which toothbrushes are used as weapons.
In short, know what to expect from Colombiana (which literally means Colombian woman by the way), and you'll enjoy it fine. It's a straight-up action movie, no more, no less, very low on plot, high on action, that falls straight into the heap with the scores of other similar Besson-produced films, though it doesn't possess the touches of humor that most of his other productions have. In comparison to the other hit-man movies of the year, it's superior to The Mechanic, but way inferior to Hanna (though it contains a lot more action than Hanna, which shouldn't be seen as an action film). This is no Léon: The Professional 2, fans can keep hoping that Besson and Portman work that one out at some point (interestingly, Megaton is first in line to direct if that movie does happen).
This is not a bad movie if you take off your critics hat
turboisturbo13 September 2011
First of all this is NOT a movie about Colombia. The producers may have failed on representing it but this is not the POINT of this movie. It's an action movie about a girl from Colombia and that's pretty much it regarding Colombia. Don't get all frustrated with it. Here's my quick review:
1 - Trailer: I wanted to see this movie mostly based on the trailer which I found catchy. Action and sexy Zoe Saldana sells it all. Still I went on a cheap night because I wasn't convinced this would be worth the full price entry. What you see in the trailer is what you get. A lot of action left to be seen and overall it's a good intro to the movie.
2 - Cast & Characters: Ahhh Zoe Zoe! It's hard to watch her rather than just stare at her. She delivers a pretty solid performance in this movie. She goes all around sneaking up the bad guys and taking them out in creative and yet plausible ways unlike Angelina Jolie in Salt (2010) where her 100 pounds character takes out multiple 250 pounds guys in fist fights. The supporting characters are your "typical" Mexican (Colombian in this story!) guys that pretty much do nothing other than holding guns outside a villa and sipping on drink and cigars. Generic police guys fill the rest of the cast but I found Callum Blue quite enjoyable to watch.
3 - Plot & Story: I think the story is so generic that the little twists added to the script makes them even more surprising. You always feel like you know the next move but most of the time something unexpected happens. Unfortunately, the script as a whole is a bit sloppy and poorly paced. I didn't get bored at all in this movie and though the intrigue isn't much catchy, it was enough to keep me interested. There are many laughable moments (mostly intended) which is fun but the drama is really cheesy.
4 - Theme & Genre: As an action flick, this one stands right. It isn't a melting pot of car crashes and explosions out of nowhere. There is plenty of action and a good mix between Hollywood fireworks and realistic fights. The camera angles and editing sometimes get confusing but in some scenes they really add something cool to watch.
5 - Overall Appreciation: Alright let's face the obvious. There is no Oscars material here. This will get MTV Teen Choice Awards at best. It's a cheap night movie that is entertaining to watch and where you should not expect a classic in cinema. Did I appreciate it? Yes! Is it good? Not bad. I give it 6 out of 10 for Zoe Saldana, good fight scenes and cinematography. Too bad the supporting characters, cheesy drama and poor script kills it a bit.
1 - Trailer: I wanted to see this movie mostly based on the trailer which I found catchy. Action and sexy Zoe Saldana sells it all. Still I went on a cheap night because I wasn't convinced this would be worth the full price entry. What you see in the trailer is what you get. A lot of action left to be seen and overall it's a good intro to the movie.
2 - Cast & Characters: Ahhh Zoe Zoe! It's hard to watch her rather than just stare at her. She delivers a pretty solid performance in this movie. She goes all around sneaking up the bad guys and taking them out in creative and yet plausible ways unlike Angelina Jolie in Salt (2010) where her 100 pounds character takes out multiple 250 pounds guys in fist fights. The supporting characters are your "typical" Mexican (Colombian in this story!) guys that pretty much do nothing other than holding guns outside a villa and sipping on drink and cigars. Generic police guys fill the rest of the cast but I found Callum Blue quite enjoyable to watch.
3 - Plot & Story: I think the story is so generic that the little twists added to the script makes them even more surprising. You always feel like you know the next move but most of the time something unexpected happens. Unfortunately, the script as a whole is a bit sloppy and poorly paced. I didn't get bored at all in this movie and though the intrigue isn't much catchy, it was enough to keep me interested. There are many laughable moments (mostly intended) which is fun but the drama is really cheesy.
4 - Theme & Genre: As an action flick, this one stands right. It isn't a melting pot of car crashes and explosions out of nowhere. There is plenty of action and a good mix between Hollywood fireworks and realistic fights. The camera angles and editing sometimes get confusing but in some scenes they really add something cool to watch.
5 - Overall Appreciation: Alright let's face the obvious. There is no Oscars material here. This will get MTV Teen Choice Awards at best. It's a cheap night movie that is entertaining to watch and where you should not expect a classic in cinema. Did I appreciate it? Yes! Is it good? Not bad. I give it 6 out of 10 for Zoe Saldana, good fight scenes and cinematography. Too bad the supporting characters, cheesy drama and poor script kills it a bit.
Zoe is Great, the Movie.....Mediocre
woljm4526 August 2011
I went to a midnight screening last night at Times Square because I've been wanting to see this picture for quite some time. With Colombiana movie posters on every street corner and wall I figured it was going to be a tremendous blockbuster to end the summer with. Didn't exactly end up that way.
With some of the names behind this film, I was surprised at the abundance of cheesy bad guys, predictable scenes, and flat supporting characters. The only thing that moves this story along is Zoe Saldana herself with her tremendous presence on screen and beauty, which is breathtaking. She's very believable as a stone-cold assassin, especially the way she sneaks and crawls around with ninja like precision.
It's too bad they couldn't place Zoe and her character into a better storyline and provide her with stronger support. Without giving away the ending, there's also a final fist fight scene in the end which looked like it was filmed and edited by two high-school kids. Isn't this 2011? The technology there was very lacking or done in poor choice.
I still would recommend seeing the movie as its not bad-bad and there are some cool kill scenes, but I wouldn't qualify it as a must-see. The movie is somewhat groundbreaking only for the fact we have a Latina female as the lead role in an action film, hopefully this finally opens to the door for other darker skinned actresses in similar roles, which has been long overdue.
With some of the names behind this film, I was surprised at the abundance of cheesy bad guys, predictable scenes, and flat supporting characters. The only thing that moves this story along is Zoe Saldana herself with her tremendous presence on screen and beauty, which is breathtaking. She's very believable as a stone-cold assassin, especially the way she sneaks and crawls around with ninja like precision.
It's too bad they couldn't place Zoe and her character into a better storyline and provide her with stronger support. Without giving away the ending, there's also a final fist fight scene in the end which looked like it was filmed and edited by two high-school kids. Isn't this 2011? The technology there was very lacking or done in poor choice.
I still would recommend seeing the movie as its not bad-bad and there are some cool kill scenes, but I wouldn't qualify it as a must-see. The movie is somewhat groundbreaking only for the fact we have a Latina female as the lead role in an action film, hopefully this finally opens to the door for other darker skinned actresses in similar roles, which has been long overdue.
Visceral Mind-Numbing Entertainment
LeonLouisRicci31 March 2013
If you watch Movies like this you want a lot of Cool Action, stylish presentation, and an energy driven scenario that is a Comic Book like other place. This one has all that. Not very intelligent or plausible or much to think about, just a visceral ride for a mind-numbing couple of hours.
This is a slick and entertaining Girl With Guns romp, a favorite Character from Writer Luc Besson. His Films have a wide appeal and have varying degrees of success both as Art and as Entertainment. His best work is miles above his contemporaries and his worst is better than average.
This one falls in between. It is Artistic and will please Fans of the Genre, but does not rate as near his best. It is above average in its frantic display of rampaging revenge and glossy fights that are appealing as flights of fancy. Not much here is believable in any real sense, but that is the attraction of Comic Books. Luc Besson owes much to that format and Artform. He is a Writer/Director who pays his debts.
This is a slick and entertaining Girl With Guns romp, a favorite Character from Writer Luc Besson. His Films have a wide appeal and have varying degrees of success both as Art and as Entertainment. His best work is miles above his contemporaries and his worst is better than average.
This one falls in between. It is Artistic and will please Fans of the Genre, but does not rate as near his best. It is above average in its frantic display of rampaging revenge and glossy fights that are appealing as flights of fancy. Not much here is believable in any real sense, but that is the attraction of Comic Books. Luc Besson owes much to that format and Artform. He is a Writer/Director who pays his debts.
Thumping Action
seany_c24 September 2011
The latest work from Europacorp didn't disappoint me. I love Luc Besson's mad action flicks and this was no different. Zoe Saldana is class as the sexy killer ready to do anything to get revenge on the criminals who murdered her family. It's territory we've seen over and over but I enjoyed it. The films action, when it comes, is thrilling. There are some inventive kills and a good little straightner at the end involving toothbrushes (believe it or not). Saldana will probably come a long way after this in terms of action roles and it's nice to see an actress who can act as well as kick ass. Lennie James is a bit on the didgy side with an accent that sometimes sounds like a drunken person at an Indian restaurant doing a bad impression of the waiter. He's a still a good actor all the same. I hope they continue to make these sorts of action films where I can just switch of and enjoy them because as long as they make them, I'll watch them. ***/*****.
An entertaining escapist film and nothing more
brchthethird12 October 2014
COLOMBIANA, while a highly entertaining revenge film with a strong female lead, is let down by clichéd storytelling and lack of character development. The story is about Cataleya, a woman whose parents were murdered when she was a child. She then becomes an assassin who sets out to avenge her parents' deaths. As far as the action is concerned, I was pleasantly surprised that Olivier Megaton reined in his tendency to over-shoot and edit. The action sequences were all well put-together and comprehensible, although a final act fight scene in a bathroom kind of dipped back into what I generally don't like about modern action sequences. As far as acting was concerned, nobody gave a bad performance (even the actress who played young Cataleya), but it's a shame that they had such a poor script to work with. The weakest part of this movie, and what really does it in, is the story. The audience is never given a window into who Cataleya is or even care aside from the fact that her parents were murdered in front of her. As an adult, she is emotionally distant and has very little personality. Sure, you could say that it's part of the character but I didn't find it very compelling. There's also the issue of everything in the plot being implausible and convoluted. Again, this is escapist entertainment but a lot of those elements really took me out of the movie. Ultimately, though, I had a decent time. The film is by no means boring, but there are a lot of better ones which tackle similar subject matter, e.g., Luc Besson's Leon, to which this is perhaps too similar.
A good action movie
Smells_Like_Cheese12 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Zoe Saldana is a star on the rise, she's strong, beautiful, intelligent and a decent actress. Time to test her star meter as she takes the lead for the first time on her own in an action film. In Hollywood, it's rare to have an action movie staring a female, you need a good actress to take the lead in order for it to be taken seriously. But my boyfriend really wanted to see this movie because he just adores Zoe, I think he just has a good crush on her, but it was his turn for the rental. We watched it a couple nights ago and to my surprise without any knowledge of the film prior to seeing it, I really did enjoy this movie. I'm a little surprised at the rating as this is a better movie that I've seen for a while at least for 2011. I thought Zoe made a great action star, she was tough, sexy and brought a lot to a typical story.
Fabio, a gangster and drug runner, has a meeting with Don Luis, to pay off his remaining debt and leave his employment. Fabio, however, knows that Don Luis will put a hit out on him for leaving with a valuable item that he holds and wants, a small disk with valuable information on the drug lords, so he rushes home to prepare his wife, Alicia and his young daughter, Cataleya. Fabio hands Cataleya the item that Don Luis wants, telling her not to lose it and to give it to the Ambassador telling her that it is "her passport". He also gives Cataleya an address in Chicago. She then uses the business card her father gave her to get into the U.S. Embassy and goes to the Ambassador's office. In exchange for this, they give her a passport and a small amount of cash, and fly her to Miami. She goes to Chicago after and meets her uncle Emilio, who teaches her how to become one of the slickest killers. She grows into a strong woman who eventually goes in above her head going into a personal revenge plot on her parent's death.
The story may be predictable, but I liked the way it was handled over all. The action scenes were very tight and exciting. I loved that first scene with Cataleyna in the jail cell, it was very clever and almost reminded me of Catwoman the way she was just sliding her way through things. One thing I wished they would have talked about more was her feeling so lonely, it's a very brief conversation she has with her lover when he asks what she feels every night and it's never touched on again. She goes through this tough time as a child and it was just like to see her as an adult was more about the fighting and not the struggles she faces at times. But the actors did a good job, much credit to the man who played her uncle, Cliff Curtis, who had excellent chemistry with her. The film does need to explain more with the story but I felt that this was still a good movie with it's action and characters. Zoe is a good actress and I can't wait to see her more in the future.
7/10
Fabio, a gangster and drug runner, has a meeting with Don Luis, to pay off his remaining debt and leave his employment. Fabio, however, knows that Don Luis will put a hit out on him for leaving with a valuable item that he holds and wants, a small disk with valuable information on the drug lords, so he rushes home to prepare his wife, Alicia and his young daughter, Cataleya. Fabio hands Cataleya the item that Don Luis wants, telling her not to lose it and to give it to the Ambassador telling her that it is "her passport". He also gives Cataleya an address in Chicago. She then uses the business card her father gave her to get into the U.S. Embassy and goes to the Ambassador's office. In exchange for this, they give her a passport and a small amount of cash, and fly her to Miami. She goes to Chicago after and meets her uncle Emilio, who teaches her how to become one of the slickest killers. She grows into a strong woman who eventually goes in above her head going into a personal revenge plot on her parent's death.
The story may be predictable, but I liked the way it was handled over all. The action scenes were very tight and exciting. I loved that first scene with Cataleyna in the jail cell, it was very clever and almost reminded me of Catwoman the way she was just sliding her way through things. One thing I wished they would have talked about more was her feeling so lonely, it's a very brief conversation she has with her lover when he asks what she feels every night and it's never touched on again. She goes through this tough time as a child and it was just like to see her as an adult was more about the fighting and not the struggles she faces at times. But the actors did a good job, much credit to the man who played her uncle, Cliff Curtis, who had excellent chemistry with her. The film does need to explain more with the story but I felt that this was still a good movie with it's action and characters. Zoe is a good actress and I can't wait to see her more in the future.
7/10
Holds Your Attention
grglmn22 June 2014
I am giving this an 8, although it might be a 7, about the only bad thing I can say about the movie is that, yes, the plot is somewhat of a rehashed, predictable type of thing. However, Saldana is both sexy and charming and dangerous from the moment she shows up drunk in a tight dress. Yes you have to suspend disbelief a little bit to believe a gal who can't weigh over 95 pounds soaking wet can fight big strong guys, but good movies make you suspend disbelief, and this is a good movie.
Why is it good, because, unlike many action movies these days, they do take a few minutes to establish the main character as a person, so you care what happens to her, and also care if she achieves her goals.
I just watched it again on regular TV after renting it shortly after it came out, still and enjoyable flick, you have to like action/revenge flicks, but if you do this one fits the bill nicely.
Why is it good, because, unlike many action movies these days, they do take a few minutes to establish the main character as a person, so you care what happens to her, and also care if she achieves her goals.
I just watched it again on regular TV after renting it shortly after it came out, still and enjoyable flick, you have to like action/revenge flicks, but if you do this one fits the bill nicely.
I've seen this before, you've seen this before
Legendary_Badass26 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Cataleya (Zoe Saldana) is a hired gun who embarks on a quest for revenge despite the wishes of her mentor and assistant (Cliff Curtis). This means taking down the CIA informant who had her parents murdered before her eyes.
I've seen this before, you've seen this before. One of the writers, Luc Besson, even wrote and directed the two movies Colombiana most closely resembles. There are some new tricks in store, and the strictly business attitude is refreshing. Director Olivier Megaton takes a tale as old as storytelling itself and gives it vibrant colors as well as reasonable plausibility.
Zoe Saldana is a good lead despite minimal lines. That's not a bad thing as smart screenplays take advantage of the on screen action instead of blatantly relaying the information to the audience through sound. When Cataleya works her way into a ventilation shaft she doesn't have a guy in van putting words in her ear. Furthermore, Saldana slender frame is built for the action depicted. Seldom did it seem that trickery was needed to accomplish a leap. Cataleya isn't shown to be a Jackie Chan kungu fu acrobat capable of literally kicking the hindquarters of an entire team of guards then flipping into hiding-she plays with guns.
There's plenty in the way of loud noises and mischief, but a major flaw is pointed out by Cataleya's boyfriend Danny (Michael Vartan). He begs Cataleya for information about herself at just about the same time as the audience. There's a giant gap of 15 years time between Cataleya's arrival in America and her present day activities. Without any on-screen training the jump in the character feels undeserved, as do her relationships. Cataleya is simply already with Danny. The guys she's after are hardly worth mentioning since all parties are isolated. She doesn't even come face-to-face with one of her top targets.
Colombiana plays out like Leon: The Professional had Natalie Portman's character grown into a cleaner herself and her backstory was unoriginal. This shouldn't be a surprise as both films are written by Luc Besson, nor should it be a shock that the earlier film is far better in large part due to tension and bonding. The amount of action that must take place off camera to maintain the PG-13 of this very tonally serious film is heartbreaking. How can an audience share in the delight of revenge when we must look away?
I've seen this before, you've seen this before. One of the writers, Luc Besson, even wrote and directed the two movies Colombiana most closely resembles. There are some new tricks in store, and the strictly business attitude is refreshing. Director Olivier Megaton takes a tale as old as storytelling itself and gives it vibrant colors as well as reasonable plausibility.
Zoe Saldana is a good lead despite minimal lines. That's not a bad thing as smart screenplays take advantage of the on screen action instead of blatantly relaying the information to the audience through sound. When Cataleya works her way into a ventilation shaft she doesn't have a guy in van putting words in her ear. Furthermore, Saldana slender frame is built for the action depicted. Seldom did it seem that trickery was needed to accomplish a leap. Cataleya isn't shown to be a Jackie Chan kungu fu acrobat capable of literally kicking the hindquarters of an entire team of guards then flipping into hiding-she plays with guns.
There's plenty in the way of loud noises and mischief, but a major flaw is pointed out by Cataleya's boyfriend Danny (Michael Vartan). He begs Cataleya for information about herself at just about the same time as the audience. There's a giant gap of 15 years time between Cataleya's arrival in America and her present day activities. Without any on-screen training the jump in the character feels undeserved, as do her relationships. Cataleya is simply already with Danny. The guys she's after are hardly worth mentioning since all parties are isolated. She doesn't even come face-to-face with one of her top targets.
Colombiana plays out like Leon: The Professional had Natalie Portman's character grown into a cleaner herself and her backstory was unoriginal. This shouldn't be a surprise as both films are written by Luc Besson, nor should it be a shock that the earlier film is far better in large part due to tension and bonding. The amount of action that must take place off camera to maintain the PG-13 of this very tonally serious film is heartbreaking. How can an audience share in the delight of revenge when we must look away?
Frankly, I was a bit shocked.
Samiam326 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
There are times when Colombiana almost works, but that's not good enough.
The film stumbles in some ways that actually surprised me. For an action film, Colombiana is inexcusably lumbering. Its rhythm is all over the place, sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's broody, but most of the time it's just kinda boring.
I really like Zoe Saldana, even though her body is a better actress than she is. She moves like a ballerina and fights like an anorexic tiger, and she even achieves mild success in playing drunk comedicly (in a campy sort of way). It's too bad that most of the film demands little of what she's good at and more of something that requires an actor. Colombiana is burdened by too many scenes of poorly written, over-expository dialogue and false emotion.
In a way the vast bulk of the film becomes a build up for the climax. We know where we're going, but it's how we get there that is important, or so they say. I think if the pay off was better, it might've helped the movie a little as well, but no. The Climax feels rushed, and loud, and almost devoid of excitement.
Another thing worth mentioning is that Colombiana is one of those films where the hero gets from a to b using either coincidence or methods that are kept from the audience (which is frustrating). I love the fact that in one moment, Zoe has mere seconds to escape a garage turns to the air vent, and the bolts just happen to be loose enough to unscrew with her fingertips.
Columbiana left me with a feeling of shock. It's not a complete failure, but it doesn't end up delivering what it should have. It's almost a popcorn movie where the audience eats popcorn to stay awake. I can't say I recommend it.
The film stumbles in some ways that actually surprised me. For an action film, Colombiana is inexcusably lumbering. Its rhythm is all over the place, sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's broody, but most of the time it's just kinda boring.
I really like Zoe Saldana, even though her body is a better actress than she is. She moves like a ballerina and fights like an anorexic tiger, and she even achieves mild success in playing drunk comedicly (in a campy sort of way). It's too bad that most of the film demands little of what she's good at and more of something that requires an actor. Colombiana is burdened by too many scenes of poorly written, over-expository dialogue and false emotion.
In a way the vast bulk of the film becomes a build up for the climax. We know where we're going, but it's how we get there that is important, or so they say. I think if the pay off was better, it might've helped the movie a little as well, but no. The Climax feels rushed, and loud, and almost devoid of excitement.
Another thing worth mentioning is that Colombiana is one of those films where the hero gets from a to b using either coincidence or methods that are kept from the audience (which is frustrating). I love the fact that in one moment, Zoe has mere seconds to escape a garage turns to the air vent, and the bolts just happen to be loose enough to unscrew with her fingertips.
Columbiana left me with a feeling of shock. It's not a complete failure, but it doesn't end up delivering what it should have. It's almost a popcorn movie where the audience eats popcorn to stay awake. I can't say I recommend it.
Don't believe the haters... this movie is a definite GO !!!
ksmoo27 August 2011
I guess some people just expect an award winning movie and actors every time they step foot into a theatre. I was doubtful about this movie in spite of the decent trailers. From start to finish I was blown away with the storyline and its continuous different turns. Maybe its not completely original in terms of the overall story, but what movie is these days. Colombiana keeps you glued to the screen. It has moments of love and drama, and then it brings out the action and suspense. I have not written a review in quite some time, but when a movie is receiving undue praise or criticism then i feel obligated to disclose the truth to the public. Do yourself a favor and go see it.
Quite entertaining from start to end
Floated219 July 2017
Having remembered when this film was marketed in theaters, as another Bourne type spy film or a version of other female assassin films as Salt, it did not spark much interest. For these type of action thriller revenge type films, perhaps people expected a bit much. The trailers showed exactly the type of film it was and it played it as it should. An entertaining, with thrills and suspense revenge assassin movie type not so much dialogue but tons of mindless actions. This film is quite underrated as it was a box office flop and showed that perhaps audiences did not like Zoe Saldana as much as studios had thought. A better film than critics give credit for.
Zoe Saldana delivers a very solid performances and some of the action scenes are quite clever and intriguing. Some things which could have been done without or better, are a poor and forced relationship subplot involving Saldana and a random guy she meets while in Chicago. Even though Colombiana may be a predictable female heroine revenge film (as in we know she will find the killers and get back at them), it still delivers in what it was meant to, and as that is being exciting and thrilling.
Zoe Saldana delivers a very solid performances and some of the action scenes are quite clever and intriguing. Some things which could have been done without or better, are a poor and forced relationship subplot involving Saldana and a random guy she meets while in Chicago. Even though Colombiana may be a predictable female heroine revenge film (as in we know she will find the killers and get back at them), it still delivers in what it was meant to, and as that is being exciting and thrilling.
Might as well watch Leon the Professional
ThreeGuysOneMovie18 February 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I am actually a little bit embarrassed to admit that I even watched this movie. It was co-written by Luc Besson of Leon: The Professonial fame so I let myself get sucked into it. Live and learn. The movie is about Cataleya a young girl who witnesses her parents get murdered by a drug cartel in South America. Cataleya escapes and flees to the United States, where she meets up with her Uncle who trains her to be an Assassin. Eventually she seeks revenge on the people who murdered her parents.
Basically, this is the same plot as Leon: The Professional and about a 100 other movies. It reminded me of O-Ren Ishii's back story in Kill Bill Vol. 2. You know the whole sequence that Tarintino does as a cartoon? Yeah, that's this movie, only sucky. I should mention that I enjoyed Zoe Saldana in the lead role in this. I think that she did a lot with very little to work with. If you had to force me to come up with a reason to watch this movie, that would be it. Otherwise, Colombiana is largely derivative mess of a movie. There are some scenes in this film that are just laughable. For example, at one point Cliff Curtis, who plays the uncle, pulls out a hand cannon in the middle of the street and shoots at a passing car multiple times. The driver, now presumably dead, crashes the car in front of a slew of onlookers. Cliff Curtis then proceeds to have a conversation in the middle of the street with young Cataleya about the benefits of going to grade school. Eventually after several minutes they just walk away, apparently nobody has noticed them. You get 108 minutes of that. Don't waste your time with this movie. If you want to see a great example of this genre that brings some freshness and originality check out Hanna an underrated and great movie from last year.
Basically, this is the same plot as Leon: The Professional and about a 100 other movies. It reminded me of O-Ren Ishii's back story in Kill Bill Vol. 2. You know the whole sequence that Tarintino does as a cartoon? Yeah, that's this movie, only sucky. I should mention that I enjoyed Zoe Saldana in the lead role in this. I think that she did a lot with very little to work with. If you had to force me to come up with a reason to watch this movie, that would be it. Otherwise, Colombiana is largely derivative mess of a movie. There are some scenes in this film that are just laughable. For example, at one point Cliff Curtis, who plays the uncle, pulls out a hand cannon in the middle of the street and shoots at a passing car multiple times. The driver, now presumably dead, crashes the car in front of a slew of onlookers. Cliff Curtis then proceeds to have a conversation in the middle of the street with young Cataleya about the benefits of going to grade school. Eventually after several minutes they just walk away, apparently nobody has noticed them. You get 108 minutes of that. Don't waste your time with this movie. If you want to see a great example of this genre that brings some freshness and originality check out Hanna an underrated and great movie from last year.
Hot Chick with guns
pevans19-143-9398626 August 2011
If you have seen the trailer then you pretty much know what's coming. I personally thought it was a pretty good flick and the action throughout the movie definitely keeps your interest.
My only thought was that they should have gone ahead and pushed it to an "R" rated movie. With all the action and shooting, I believe there was almost little to no blood. I know the issue with too much violence and maybe they were trying to get a younger audience the ability to see this movie but it was lacking the "pop" factor by whitewashing too many scenes. Zoe Saldana did a superb job in this movie and I only wish that some of the supporting cast could have been on the same level that she is on.
IMHO
My only thought was that they should have gone ahead and pushed it to an "R" rated movie. With all the action and shooting, I believe there was almost little to no blood. I know the issue with too much violence and maybe they were trying to get a younger audience the ability to see this movie but it was lacking the "pop" factor by whitewashing too many scenes. Zoe Saldana did a superb job in this movie and I only wish that some of the supporting cast could have been on the same level that she is on.
IMHO
Trust Me! its not THAT bad
mrChickenNWaffles28 August 2011
I can understand why Colombiana is getting some tough reviews. It doesn't feature Colombian actors, it wasn't really filmed in Columbia, and this type of movie has been done so many times before. Kill Bill(2003-2004), Enough(2002), The Brave One(2007), I Spit on Your Grave(1978), Coffy(1973. The list goes on and on. Women seeking revenge for something.
However, I will say Colombiana was FAR better than I thought. I was expecting a predictable, loud, cat and mouse action movie with a lot of explosions and guns. It does have a lot of explosions and guns, but it was not as predictable as I thought and the acting wasn't outstanding but definitely good enough. Zoe Saldana carries the movie with ease and adds a lot to a script with average character development and plot.
Colombiana is a good action flick with a great leading actress and decent supporting characters. It's not something I would have on my top 10 list at the end of the year but think about it, I took 6-7 minutes to do a review on it which I only do if the movie was memorable and it was.
Colombiana: acting:B, plot:B-, dialogue:C+
However, I will say Colombiana was FAR better than I thought. I was expecting a predictable, loud, cat and mouse action movie with a lot of explosions and guns. It does have a lot of explosions and guns, but it was not as predictable as I thought and the acting wasn't outstanding but definitely good enough. Zoe Saldana carries the movie with ease and adds a lot to a script with average character development and plot.
Colombiana is a good action flick with a great leading actress and decent supporting characters. It's not something I would have on my top 10 list at the end of the year but think about it, I took 6-7 minutes to do a review on it which I only do if the movie was memorable and it was.
Colombiana: acting:B, plot:B-, dialogue:C+
Very good action flick...
K3nzit4 January 2020
Very good action flick written and produced by Luc Besson. Zoe Saldana stars as the assassin and does it very well. She is convincing both as an actor and athlete. 'Colombiana' is an exciting movie with better action scenes and story than other much bigger movies from 2011
An entertaining revenge thriller
Tweekums18 June 2014
Warning: Spoilers
When ten year old Cataleya's father 'retires' from his job as a hit-man for a Colombian drug lord he knows he and his family will have to get away fast. He isn't fast enough though and Cataleya is left an orphan fleeing for her life. Before he died her father gave her an address and a memory card
her passport to a new life in the United States. Once in the states she heads to her uncle in Chicago hoping he will help her in her mission to kill those responsible. He makes her go to school and the next time we see her fifteen years have passed
but her desire for revenge hasn't dimmed. The first target we see her take out is in police custody; locked in an apparently secure jail cell. She doesn't just kill him she draws the outline of an orchid on his chest and it is at this point we learn that this man is far from her first victim and the FBI, led by Special Agent James Ross are searching for the killer
not for one moment thinking they are hunting a woman.
As this film was written by Luc Besson it isn't surprising that it reminds many people of his films 'Nikita' and 'Leon' and while I don't think this was as good as those films it is still entertaining. Zoe Saldana does a solid job as protagonist Cataleya although unfortunately the character isn't all that sympathetic; when she isn't killing people for revenge she is doing it for money and being fairly sadistic in the process. Lennie James is also good in the roll of Agent Ross; not an action man but a thinking detective. Michael Vartan also features although he is somewhat underused as Cataleya's love interest Danny Delanay. While the characters aren't too well developed and the situation is rather cliché it is still an entertaining film as the action moves at a good pace and was pretty exciting without being overly gory. Overall I'd say if you like action led thrillers and aren't looking for anything too cerebral to pass a couple of hours you could do a lot worse than this.
As this film was written by Luc Besson it isn't surprising that it reminds many people of his films 'Nikita' and 'Leon' and while I don't think this was as good as those films it is still entertaining. Zoe Saldana does a solid job as protagonist Cataleya although unfortunately the character isn't all that sympathetic; when she isn't killing people for revenge she is doing it for money and being fairly sadistic in the process. Lennie James is also good in the roll of Agent Ross; not an action man but a thinking detective. Michael Vartan also features although he is somewhat underused as Cataleya's love interest Danny Delanay. While the characters aren't too well developed and the situation is rather cliché it is still an entertaining film as the action moves at a good pace and was pretty exciting without being overly gory. Overall I'd say if you like action led thrillers and aren't looking for anything too cerebral to pass a couple of hours you could do a lot worse than this.
Zoe Saldana La Colombiana
tbills29 March 2020
Warning: Spoilers
* Super Dope Film
* Pure Action Movie & 1 of the Best of Them
* Awesome Vision by the Writers With Great Scope
* A Must See
* 1 of the Very Best Female Action Figures Up There With Ripley & The Bride
* Super Sexy Thanks To Zoe & Her Sleek Style
* Not The Best Assassin Flick (The Professional) but My Favorite
* Pure Action Movie & 1 of the Best of Them
* Awesome Vision by the Writers With Great Scope
* A Must See
* 1 of the Very Best Female Action Figures Up There With Ripley & The Bride
* Super Sexy Thanks To Zoe & Her Sleek Style
* Not The Best Assassin Flick (The Professional) but My Favorite
SHE'S LIKE THE MIST
nogodnomasters22 April 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Zoe's parents are killed by a fellow drug dealer in Columbia. As the assassins confront this 10 year old girl, she makes a daring "Spiderman" escape. She ends up in Chicago where she is raised by her uncle. "I want to be a warrior-princess," she says. She wants to be a killer.
We flash forward to her adulthood. Zoe has become a killer and she leaves a calling card by drawing a rare orchid on the victim, a sign of her family. Her goal, to the dismay of her uncle, is to draw out the man who killed her parents...who has the backing of the CIA.
Lennie James plays Ross, a sharp FBI investigator, who is in charge of finding the the rare orchid killer.
Zoe's ability reminded me a bit of Jolie in "Salt." While Zoe is leggy and sexy, don't get you hopes up, as the camera angel remains pure while she showers and changes. I found the action scenes to be 5 stars. The scenes with Lennie James were also excellent. The filler drama material of Zoe's life outside of the action scenes was not well scripted and I lost interest waiting for something to happen.
Eventually the plot and subplot comes together in a most entertaining way as we find out that Zoe knows how to take charge.
The biggest disaster of the movie was the closing soundtrack. I mean really. That was the best they could do?
Good action, fair drama
We flash forward to her adulthood. Zoe has become a killer and she leaves a calling card by drawing a rare orchid on the victim, a sign of her family. Her goal, to the dismay of her uncle, is to draw out the man who killed her parents...who has the backing of the CIA.
Lennie James plays Ross, a sharp FBI investigator, who is in charge of finding the the rare orchid killer.
Zoe's ability reminded me a bit of Jolie in "Salt." While Zoe is leggy and sexy, don't get you hopes up, as the camera angel remains pure while she showers and changes. I found the action scenes to be 5 stars. The scenes with Lennie James were also excellent. The filler drama material of Zoe's life outside of the action scenes was not well scripted and I lost interest waiting for something to happen.
Eventually the plot and subplot comes together in a most entertaining way as we find out that Zoe knows how to take charge.
The biggest disaster of the movie was the closing soundtrack. I mean really. That was the best they could do?
Good action, fair drama
Simple, effective, cool, bad-ass ! Well done Europacorp !
flouxde3424 August 2014
This is just my opinion.
Europacorp is a very interesting production society because it associates Hollywood to French cinema, we can have a French director who directs Hollywood stars like Olivier Megaton did for Colombiana with Zoe Saldana or for Taken 2 with Liam Neeson. It brings an other way to direct movies which works at the international Box Office. Thanks Luc Besson.
But this society do not product always good movies. In fact they often product the same kind of films : simple action movies.
So what about Colombiana?
This is so cool ! This is really entertaining. Of course the script is very simple but it works. It is exactly in line of all the Europacorp productions but this one is pretty cool !
Zoe Saldana is really good for this role. She is beautiful and she kicks ass. The movie is well directed, except for one fight where the plans are linked too fast and we cannot really see what is happening.
Colombiana is a really dynamic film, the actions sequences are not boring (yes, it is paradoxical but it happens sometimes, I love you but I am thinking about you Michael Bay).
If you want to enjoy a good action movie, you can watch without doubt this one !
Europacorp is a very interesting production society because it associates Hollywood to French cinema, we can have a French director who directs Hollywood stars like Olivier Megaton did for Colombiana with Zoe Saldana or for Taken 2 with Liam Neeson. It brings an other way to direct movies which works at the international Box Office. Thanks Luc Besson.
But this society do not product always good movies. In fact they often product the same kind of films : simple action movies.
So what about Colombiana?
This is so cool ! This is really entertaining. Of course the script is very simple but it works. It is exactly in line of all the Europacorp productions but this one is pretty cool !
Zoe Saldana is really good for this role. She is beautiful and she kicks ass. The movie is well directed, except for one fight where the plans are linked too fast and we cannot really see what is happening.
Colombiana is a really dynamic film, the actions sequences are not boring (yes, it is paradoxical but it happens sometimes, I love you but I am thinking about you Michael Bay).
If you want to enjoy a good action movie, you can watch without doubt this one !
How can people like this movie? The action wasn't even that good.
bcnewell8823 December 2011
Warning: Spoilers
**Spoiler alert** (If you could call it that).
I didn't expect this movie to be a very artistic and moving film at all, I expected it to be an action movie, possibly along the lines of Leon or Taken. Sadly it was even a terrible action movie.
The plot wasn't terrible, but only because there was almost no plot to begin with. I would normally say spoiler alert, except I can't because the plot is already spoiled. The main character is a girl who's parents get murdered and she goes to America and becomes an assassin. We essentially have no understanding on why her parents were killed other than her parents were in a shady business with the antagonist, and it has something to deal with information on disks that is somehow relevant to the U.S. government or something. These points are about 30 seconds of the movie in total. She obviously attempts to exact her revenge a few years later yet the antagonist has protection from the CIA for some reason unexplained. She assassinates people and eventually is able to threaten enough people to find her parents killer. Meanwhile her love interest knows absolutely nothing about her, (she literally just appears at his apartment and they have never gone out on a date) and he's apparently in love with her. At least something like Taken has a little plot; Liam Neeson's daughter is taken for slave trade and he must go around chasing clues of corruption.
Aside from the plot, or lack thereof this movie was still bad. We are left so many times tilting our head to the side and thinking "Really?? Really???!?" This includes almost the entire movie. Such things include her not being seen while hanging from a maybe inch wide pole right on the side of a building when the police look almost directly at her, to scenes where her uncle opens fire near a school district, police show up in 15 seconds, and police don't even come after him while he remains just standing there. This also includes a kill where she stabs someone with the top of pistol into what appears to be the right clavicle (collarbone). I'm assuming it was supposed to be his neck, but it definitely didn't look like they even tried to make this look realistic. Oh, and it's impossible to leave out the body morphological software which is able to match her photo (randomly, it wasn't even information added to the casefile at all) to a very unconvincing surveillance video. Please waste your time with another action movie. Go watch Die Hard again for the 1,000 time before you see this, you'll be much happier.
I didn't expect this movie to be a very artistic and moving film at all, I expected it to be an action movie, possibly along the lines of Leon or Taken. Sadly it was even a terrible action movie.
The plot wasn't terrible, but only because there was almost no plot to begin with. I would normally say spoiler alert, except I can't because the plot is already spoiled. The main character is a girl who's parents get murdered and she goes to America and becomes an assassin. We essentially have no understanding on why her parents were killed other than her parents were in a shady business with the antagonist, and it has something to deal with information on disks that is somehow relevant to the U.S. government or something. These points are about 30 seconds of the movie in total. She obviously attempts to exact her revenge a few years later yet the antagonist has protection from the CIA for some reason unexplained. She assassinates people and eventually is able to threaten enough people to find her parents killer. Meanwhile her love interest knows absolutely nothing about her, (she literally just appears at his apartment and they have never gone out on a date) and he's apparently in love with her. At least something like Taken has a little plot; Liam Neeson's daughter is taken for slave trade and he must go around chasing clues of corruption.
Aside from the plot, or lack thereof this movie was still bad. We are left so many times tilting our head to the side and thinking "Really?? Really???!?" This includes almost the entire movie. Such things include her not being seen while hanging from a maybe inch wide pole right on the side of a building when the police look almost directly at her, to scenes where her uncle opens fire near a school district, police show up in 15 seconds, and police don't even come after him while he remains just standing there. This also includes a kill where she stabs someone with the top of pistol into what appears to be the right clavicle (collarbone). I'm assuming it was supposed to be his neck, but it definitely didn't look like they even tried to make this look realistic. Oh, and it's impossible to leave out the body morphological software which is able to match her photo (randomly, it wasn't even information added to the casefile at all) to a very unconvincing surveillance video. Please waste your time with another action movie. Go watch Die Hard again for the 1,000 time before you see this, you'll be much happier.
Great watch!
balthesaur19 December 2021
Firstly, Zoe Saldana is amazing in everything she does. This is no different! A stealthy, methodical assassin seeking revenge on her parents' killers, Saldana embodies the role of Cataleya perfectly! I was also very impressed with Amandla Stenberg, who plays a surprisingly agile 10-year-old Cat and really hooks the viewer in the film's opening!
The story may be a little predictable at times, but it plays through smoothly and doesn't lull at any point for too long. Highly recommend a watch!
The story may be a little predictable at times, but it plays through smoothly and doesn't lull at any point for too long. Highly recommend a watch!
Zoe kicks ass!
funtasticfour19 May 2019
Yes, it's a revenge movie, and for that reason alone, there isn't a lot of story. But Zoe really is awesome, scaling walls, sneaking around and just being a great/tough adversary. She could easily be a spy in a franchise, and I'm happy to watch her do anything. The supporting cast here is also good.
Probably the worst film of the Year.
tj_director20 December 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I like to think I'm an experienced enough movie watcher to know when a movie will be bad, but occasionally some slip through. Luc Besson seems to have done well as a writer/producer with 'Taken' and 'Transporter', so while the trailer for Columbiana didn't exactly blow me away, the prospect of Zoe Saldana kicking ass in skimpy outfits coupled with Besson's name and seemingly decent production values.. seemed to be enough to warrant me giving up 2 hours of my life.
It literally took 3 seconds to know this film was going to be average, from the lazy flash cut transitions during the opening credits, then it took 3 minutes to get a better idea of how bad this film could potentially be, after some extremely clunky dialogue and direction. Half an hour in, i'm seriously considering fast forwarding.
From the outset, I don't understand why I'm meant to empathize with Cataleyna, her father was involved with a criminal, and it's not exactly made clear if he's innocent in any way, or why exactly he is to be killed, well he and his wife get shot up in front of her, yes the concept of seeing your parents get killed is awful, perfect revenge story material.. but something just doesn't feel right, her father isn't some innocent guy, honestly for all we know, he probably deserved to get killed.
Things don't get better when we are introduced to Cataleyna's uncle, another man that has no redeeming qualities, other than having a dead son.. and um.. that's it.. even then, for all we know his son was also a jerk and deserved to die, oh i forgot, her uncle can shoot at innocent people outside a school and suffer no consequences, in an effort to teach his niece a lesson I still don't quite understand.. in what has to be one of the dumbest scenes i've seen in a mainstream film.
I would love to go through and rip the film apart, it deserves such a ripping apart.. I don't think i've seen anything as shockingly dumb and mindless. Did anyone bother to read the whole script? how can anyone watch this film and have anything positive to say about it? okay, Saldana is convincing as an assassin, and the cinematography isn't awful.. but this HAD to be the first draft, i refuse to believe anyone bothered to give any notes or revisions.
the bland as hell boyfriend (but he paints!), takes a photo of Cataleyna while she sleeps, he shows it to his wisecracking friend (all friends are wisecrackers), who happens to be related to someone who has access to a police database, and for some completely unmotivated reason he asks them to run a check on his friend's brand new girlfriend (who he's completely in love with despite not knowing anything about her, other than she feels lonely). This photo is immediately flagged as a potential match to the CCTV footage (where her face can't even be seen), and in the world of internet, the police travel all the way to this Chicago based police station to run the most idiotic photo matching software in the world, i had no idea you could match the back of someones hand or a nose the way they do in this film.. amazing. Boyfriend tells Cataleyna he showed the photo to his friend, she immediately works out that his friend must have run a background check on her, and the police matched the back of her hand to the CCTV footage from the police station, and that is why a SWAT team is outside her building.
i do want to publicly critique this film and break it down, but doing so would waste even more of the time i spent watching it.. all this film needed was an actual script that made sense and was semi-competent.. i feel sorry for anyone who watched this film and was completely oblivious to it's nonsense. Cowboys And Aliens, Conan and this piece of trash compete for worst film of the year, and proof that nobody reads scripts in Hollywood.
PS.. skimpy outfits, nipples and having someone dance around and suck on lollipops, doesn't make a character sexy.. it's pleasing on the eye, and that's about it.
It literally took 3 seconds to know this film was going to be average, from the lazy flash cut transitions during the opening credits, then it took 3 minutes to get a better idea of how bad this film could potentially be, after some extremely clunky dialogue and direction. Half an hour in, i'm seriously considering fast forwarding.
From the outset, I don't understand why I'm meant to empathize with Cataleyna, her father was involved with a criminal, and it's not exactly made clear if he's innocent in any way, or why exactly he is to be killed, well he and his wife get shot up in front of her, yes the concept of seeing your parents get killed is awful, perfect revenge story material.. but something just doesn't feel right, her father isn't some innocent guy, honestly for all we know, he probably deserved to get killed.
Things don't get better when we are introduced to Cataleyna's uncle, another man that has no redeeming qualities, other than having a dead son.. and um.. that's it.. even then, for all we know his son was also a jerk and deserved to die, oh i forgot, her uncle can shoot at innocent people outside a school and suffer no consequences, in an effort to teach his niece a lesson I still don't quite understand.. in what has to be one of the dumbest scenes i've seen in a mainstream film.
I would love to go through and rip the film apart, it deserves such a ripping apart.. I don't think i've seen anything as shockingly dumb and mindless. Did anyone bother to read the whole script? how can anyone watch this film and have anything positive to say about it? okay, Saldana is convincing as an assassin, and the cinematography isn't awful.. but this HAD to be the first draft, i refuse to believe anyone bothered to give any notes or revisions.
the bland as hell boyfriend (but he paints!), takes a photo of Cataleyna while she sleeps, he shows it to his wisecracking friend (all friends are wisecrackers), who happens to be related to someone who has access to a police database, and for some completely unmotivated reason he asks them to run a check on his friend's brand new girlfriend (who he's completely in love with despite not knowing anything about her, other than she feels lonely). This photo is immediately flagged as a potential match to the CCTV footage (where her face can't even be seen), and in the world of internet, the police travel all the way to this Chicago based police station to run the most idiotic photo matching software in the world, i had no idea you could match the back of someones hand or a nose the way they do in this film.. amazing. Boyfriend tells Cataleyna he showed the photo to his friend, she immediately works out that his friend must have run a background check on her, and the police matched the back of her hand to the CCTV footage from the police station, and that is why a SWAT team is outside her building.
i do want to publicly critique this film and break it down, but doing so would waste even more of the time i spent watching it.. all this film needed was an actual script that made sense and was semi-competent.. i feel sorry for anyone who watched this film and was completely oblivious to it's nonsense. Cowboys And Aliens, Conan and this piece of trash compete for worst film of the year, and proof that nobody reads scripts in Hollywood.
PS.. skimpy outfits, nipples and having someone dance around and suck on lollipops, doesn't make a character sexy.. it's pleasing on the eye, and that's about it.
See also
Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews
