- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Hi welcome to another episode of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis, I'm the host of the show and my guest today is someone named "Brad Lee Cooper."
- Bradley Cooper: I'm so excited to be here.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: You're in a comedy movie right now, let's talk about comedy movies. I love Wedding Crashers, I saw that three times.
- Bradley Cooper: Thank you.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Surprised] Were you in that?
- Bradley Cooper: [Enthusiastically] Yeah.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Doubting him] Who'd you play?
- Bradley Cooper: I played Sack Lodge, who is the bad guy in the movie. Opposite Vince Vaughn. I gained like twenty-five pounds for the role because I was worried that you wouldn't believe that I could be the bad guy to "Jeremy and "John" the characters that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn plays. They're 35-year-old divorce lawyers and for their free time they like to crash weddings and one of the weddings their crashing is Owen's character...
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Interrupts him] I think it was "wedding Planner" that you were in.
- Bradley Cooper: No that was Matthew McConaughey who I did failure to Launch with and he plays a guy also is 35 years old who still lives with his mom and dad that is played by Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw and I Play "Demo" who...
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Interrupts him] No one gives a fuck.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: So you live in California?
- Bradley Cooper: Yeah, I live in Venice California.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: So do you hang out with a lot of "show biz" types?
- Bradley Cooper: Is that Carrot Top behind me?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Yeah.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [to Carrot Top] Hi Carrot.
- Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson: Hey what's up?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Ignores Carrot Top to Bradley] you're on the cover of Details Magazines which is a really good publication... if you run out of cologne.
- Bradley Cooper: Alright.
- Bradley Cooper: [Sees that Zach is slumping in his chair] why are you sitting like that?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: What?
- Bradley Cooper: Why are you being mean to me?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Shaking his head] I'm not being mean, I'm just asking questions so you recently hosted Saturday Night Live?
- Bradley Cooper: Yeah that was like a dream come true.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Who's dream?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Bradley laughs] what's the matter? Are you a lame, boozer drop out?
- Bradley Cooper: Come on man.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Come on man.
- Bradley Cooper: What are you doing?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Just reading my notes.
- Bradley Cooper: You that I'm insecure about that.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Well you know you can't "skate" on your looks alone
- Bradley Cooper: [laughs]
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: It's not funny.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [using his pen to point at Bradley's heart] What matters is what's in here.
- Bradley Cooper: [laughs and scoffs]
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [Uses his to pen to point at Bradley's heart] It's not funny, it's what's inside here.
- Bradley Cooper: [slaps his hand away]
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [slaps Bradley's face]
- Bradley Cooper: [slaps his face so hard that Zach falls back in his chair]