Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

Charlize Theron (2009)

Zach Galifianakis: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : [to the camera]  Hello, welcome to another episode of "Between Two Ferns", I'm your host Zach Galifianakis and...

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally mispronouncing her name]  My guest today is Charlise Theron.

  Charlize Theron : [correcting him, amused]  Charlize Theron, that's ok everybody does that.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [correcting his notes]  Charlise Theron...

  Charlize Theron : [interrupts him]  Theron, like "heroine", Theron.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : So you were in "Monsters Inc."?

  Charlize Theron : [giggles]  No, oh that's humorous.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Oh, you were in the movie "Monster"?

  Charlize Theron : "Monster", yeah just "Monster."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Did you win an Oscar for that?

  Charlize Theron : I did.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Where's your Oscar statue?

  Charlize Theron : It's in my house.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : It'd be cool if you hung it from the rearview mirror in your car, like a high school tassel.

  Charlize Theron : [amused, laughs]  Where'd that come from? That stuff just hangs out of your head? That's funny, did you write it down? You're really funny, or just remember it?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [looking at his notes]  So it says here a dog lover?

  Charlize Theron : Yeah, very much.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Do you have a dog?

  Charlize Theron : I have a few, I adopt them, I actually recently adopted one from the pound and he actually has a really horrible disease called Leishmaniasis and it's a cancer and so his on medication right now and we hope he pulls through, it's a pretty bad disease, we don't know much about it here in America.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [interrupts her by blocking her face by using a "Need for Speed" video game case]  We have a new sponsor of the show "Need for Speed Shift."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally continuing to block her face with the video game case, to the cameraman]  Which camera should I point it to?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [looking at his notes, referring to her dog with the disease]  What's his name?

  Charlize Theron : Ole boy.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [writing the name down]  Ole boy, like a "oh boy I wish my dog wasn't sick"?

  Charlize Theron : [laughs, amused] 

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : Are you ok? Because the dog...

  Charlize Theron : No, I'm fine don't worry about it. You're sweet for asking though.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [caught off guard by her compliment, changing the topic]  What was your, how often do you go back to South Africa?

  Charlize Theron : I go quite a bit, have you been?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yes.

  Charlize Theron : Did you go alone? Or did you go with a girlfriend?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I have a girlfriend.

  Charlize Theron : That's great.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : She looks a little bit like you.

  Charlize Theron : Really? Oh wow, such a nice compliment, thank you.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : And a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

  Charlize Theron : [dismisses his insult by laughing]  That's funny.

  Charlize Theron : You must make her laugh all the time.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [wipes his forehead]  It's warm in here.

  Charlize Theron : [to the cameraman]  Don't put this on camera.

  Charlize Theron : [signals Zach to lean closer, whispers in his ear]  My thighs are so sweaty right now, its dripping down to the back of my knees, the only thing that can cool me off is to jump naked into a pool I'm so fucking hot.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [confused]  Are you asking me to go with you?

  Charlize Theron : [confused]  Where?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : The naked pool.

  Charlize Theron : [leans forward, laughs loudly]  Oh, my God, you are hilarious.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I wasn't joking.

  Charlize Theron : You know how you made it really funny? It's because of the image of me and you, like naked in a pool with a fat garden gnome, that's like really good, you are really good.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [feeling insulted, looking at his notes]  I hope your dog dies.

  Charlize Theron : [dismissing his insults by laughing]  I just pissed myself.