The Tourettes Guy (2004– )

Tony Six: Danny, The Tourettes Guy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Danny's Son : Dad, you want some Twizzlers?

  Danny : No!

  Danny's Son : But they're really good.

  Danny : NO!

  Danny's Son : Try some!

  Danny : NO!

  Danny's Son : Dad, you gotta...

  Danny : [pounds his fists on the table]  BUTT FUCK!

  [a woman stares at Danny] 

• Danny : Fuck salt! Dammit, these fishsticks are hard as tits!

  Danny's Son : "As tits"? Whose tits you've been grabbing that feel hard? That's what I wanna know? Hahaha.

  Danny : Fuck you!

• Shirlena : Danny, what do you want for breakfast?

  Danny : Bacon and eggs, dear.

  Shirlena : What?

  Danny : OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I SAID BACON AND EGGS!

• Stranded man : [as Danny leaves the bar at 1:00am]  Excuse me, sir, do you know if Jiffy Lube is open?

  Danny : Huh?

  Stranded man : It's Sunday. Do you know if they're open or not?

  Danny : Does this look like the ass of someone who would know if Jiffy Lube's open on Sundays?

  [moons the man] 

  Stranded man : Oh, hell no!

• Danny : [Danny looks out the window while talking on the phone]  HOLY SHIT! I gotta go! Some squirrel's fucking my tomatoes!

• Danny : [Danny is scheduled for an appointment with Dr. Rhodes]  Remember that fat wrestler from the 1980's named Dusty Rhodes? Man, he was a piece of shit!

  [Cameraman falls down laughing] 

• Danny's Dad : You change your damn glasses more than you change your damn shirt! Why don't you try wearing a different shirt for once in your life?

  Danny : Why don't you just fuck off?

• Danny's Son : [while Danny is trying to kill a bird in the house]  Dad, you're gonna break everything in the house!

  Danny : I'm too pissed to give a shit!

  [the bird flies into his face] 

  Danny : Oh, fuck! Dammit!

• Danny : [Getting information of a bathroom upgrade; Danny's pen is running out of ink]  Oh, fuck me!

  Man on phone : Excuse me?

  Danny : I said fuck me!

• Danny : [Danny's ice cream cone is melting]  This is the second time I've been fucked by Dairy Queen!

• [repeated line] 

  Danny : Suck my dick! Or cock!

• Danny's Dad : [after falling down]  Oh, fuck! Goddamn!

  Danny : Are you okay, dad?

  Danny's Dad : Hell no, I'm not okay, I'm an old man and I fell on my ass!

• Danny : [His Son tosses a roll of paper towels to him which accidentally hits him in the groin]  Motherfucker, You hit Me in the dick, you're lucky it wasn't hard!... I meant this thing, not My dick!

• Danny : [neighbors are playing their music very loud; Danny bangs on the wall in his house]  Turn it down! Assholes! Fuckin' piece of shit! I'll kick your ass!

  [proceeds to throw empty beer cans and bottles] 

  Danny : Piece of shit! Assholes! Holy shit!

  [flips off the wall] 

  Danny : Bitch!

• Danny's Son : Dad, Mr. Dingus is on the phone.

  Danny : Who?

  Danny's Son : Mr. Dingus!

  Danny : What's that dumbass want now?

  Danny's Son : Dad! He... he heard that.

  Danny : [shakes his head for ten seconds, then grabs the phone]  FUCK!

• Danny : You're grounded!

  Danny's Son : Why?

  Danny : Because you don't think the garbage disposal sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit!