- Jillian: I went to high school with these identical twins, Tim and Jim. The only way you could tell them apart is one died of a heroin overdose.
- Craig: [looking at the unanswered texts Jillian has been receiving from Nick] Jillian, did you ghost this dude?
- Jillian: Yes, but only because he's handsome and rich, and he thought I was rich too, for some weird reason, probably because I said I was.
- Craig: Good. You made the right call. You can't start a relationship on a foundation of lies. Lying always ends bad.
- [emphasises this last point]
- Jillian: Yes, you're right, definitely. But have you seen the movie, "Maid In Manhattan"? J-Lo lies to Ralph Fiennes, and they still end up together. Plus, all her maid friends get promoted to management.
- Craig: [scoffs] Yes, that's J-Lo. You're not J-Lo. Okay, you're J-... , actually, I don't know your last name.
- Jillian: It's Glopp, like the sound lotion makes when it hits the floor.
- Craig: Uh yeah, I don't see things working out for J-Glopp.
- [there is an edge to his voice]
- Jillian: You mad at me about something?
- Craig: What?
- [he is surprised, then sighs]
- Craig: No, no, I'm sorry, I don't know who I'm mad at. Honestly, I thought this Rita Gaines thing would work out and we wouldn't have to be back out here.
- Jillian: Fuck Rita Gaines. I hope she gains weight.
- Craig: C'mon, don't be fatphobic.
- Jillian: You're right, I'm sorry. I hope she gains... cancer?
- Craig: That's much worse.
- Jillian: I hope she gains a little decency.