Family Guy (TV Series)

Road to the North Pole (2010)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Captain Seamus, Carter Pewterschmidt, Drunk Driver, Angry Fan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stewie Griffin : [the Mall Santa has finished for the day, just as Stewie and Brian reach the front of the line]  He turned his back on me! Just like Reality turned its back on Gary Busey!

  Gary Busey : [Looking in the mirror]  How am I doing, Gary Busey?

  Gary Busey's Reflection : [Has snakes for hair, glowing eyes, a forked tongue and is surrounded by Hellfire]  You're doing great!

  Gary Busey : Thanks Gary Busey, I'll keep it up!

• Kid : Yo, yo, what's up, y'alls? Y'alls ready to kick it in some fine North Pole gear?

  Stewie Griffin : Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers?

  Brian Griffin : Um, uh... from Katrina?

• Stewie Griffin : Brian, the cops are coming. Let's go!

  Brian Griffin : What? We're just Ieaving Iike this? What about not wanting to ruin Christmas?

  Stewie Griffin : It's already ruined! This was one house. We've been here for an hour and a half! An hour and... first of all, we're not even Santa anymore. This has been a home invasion. But an hour and a half, Brian! It's gonna be light in six hours and we have to deliver to the whole rest of the world! There's two apartment buildings on this block alone!

  Brian Griffin : No wonder Santa Iost his mind. This is ridiculous! We can't do this!

  Stewie Griffin : Nobody can. It's inhuman!

• Stewie Griffin : Well, you know why nothing works out for you, Brian? Because you've got a negative attitude like Eeyore.

  [Scene cuts away to Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore] 

  Winnie the Pooh : Come on, Eeyore, Iet's go play.

  Eeyore : I don't feel Iike it.

  Winnie the Pooh : Why are you always in such a bad mood?

  Eeyore : I have a nail in my anus.

  Winnie the Pooh : Oh.

• Santa Claus : I made toys for Iittle boys and girls. I Ioved my work, and they Ioved me, but it just got out of hand. The world's population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted more toys, fancier toys! We used to make wooden choo-choos and rag dolls. You ever try to make an iPod? I've got orders for millions of 'em!

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, that reminds me. I need a new version of Quicken.

• Stewie Griffin : [to Brian]  What are you doing?

  Brian Griffin : I'm putting out the presents.

  Stewie Griffin : Not Iike that you're not. Tall in the back, short in the front. And show some care, for God's sake. You know, those aren't socks and underwear donated by the fire department to some battered women's shelter. Those are Santa gifts, Brian.

• Stewie Griffin : What the hell? Why isn't it moving?

  Brian Griffin : I don't know. It's always the same thing. Some fat kid sitting on Santa's Iap taking all day.

  Peter Griffin : [Scene shows Peter sitting on Santa's lap]  And I want a "Charles in Charge" Iunch box, and I want a Magna Doodle and a new Uno game on a... 'cause I lost the "Draw Two" card. And I want a pet animal that's half chinchilla and half mink 'cause it'd be really soft and I could call it "Chink" and that's okay.

• Stewie Griffin : You can't jerk me around when it comes to Santa CIaus, Brian! There is a Ferris wheel here and a guy hosing vomit! Nobody vomits at the North Pole! Except for Santa's wife because she has an eating disorder!

  Brian Griffin : What?

  Stewie Griffin : Yeah, 'cause he can have anyone he wants, and she knows that!

• Brian Griffin : [to Stewie]  What is this? What are you doing?

  Stewie Griffin : Hitching a ride. I'm gonna keep heading north until I find Santa.

  Brian Griffin : Stewie, you're not gonna find him.

  Stewie Griffin : You do what you want, Brian, but I am going to the North Pole and I'm gonna kill that bastard!

  Brian Griffin : Stewie, you're putting me in a hell of a position here, but I have no choice. You're not gonna kill Santa CIaus because he doesn't exist.

  Stewie Griffin : Really, Brian? He doesn't exist?

  Brian Griffin : That's right. He's not real.

  Stewie Griffin : Interesting. Interesting theory, Brian. Who else isn't real, hmm? You gonna tell me that EImo isn't real? Huh? SpongeBob? Is he not real, Brian? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business, hmm? And what about Curious George? Huh? Does he not really exist? Is Curious George not really out there making Iittle boats out of newspapers that he should be delivering? Huh? Educate yourself, you fool.

• Stewie Griffin : Hey, Brian, Iook. That one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't Christmas magical?

• Glenn Quagmire : No, you're not going to die! We're going to ask Santa to give you a new brain!