How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Cleaning House (2010)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : You don't think I can't talk you into helping me pack? I once got the Queen to fist pump me.

  Ted Mosby : Dude, no one believes that story.

  Lily Aldrin : Maybe you can convince those brain surgeons you pick up to believe you, but it won't work on us.

  [Barney adjusts his collar, cracks his knuckles and clears his throat; cut to the guys packing at Barney's mother's house] 

  Lily Aldrin : How does he do that?

• Barney Stinson : My mother is selling the house I grew up in. All of my childhood memories. Gone! Just like that.

  Ted Mosby : It sucks. I've been there, buddy.

  Marshall Eriksen : What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.

  Ted Mosby : With her new hippie husband, Clint. The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room into something I'm pretty sure is a tantric sex temple. With all the bamboo, pot smoking and '60s music, it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback.

• Barney Stinson : Ted, capture this moment.

  Ted Mosby : I think you'll need Salvador Dali to capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl.

• Ted Mosby : Wait a minute. Yo said she was a ten. Why would she want to date the incontinent freakshow you just described? You oversold her!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Maybe a little.

  Ted Mosby : You told me she was a ten!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yes, but I didn't specify on what scale.

  Ted Mosby : You told me she looked like a movie star!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, Robert DeNiro. But super-buff, like in Cape Fear.