- Lily Aldrin: [Seeing James and Sam hug] This must be so hard for Barney.
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, but he took a big step today.
- Barney Stinson: Papa!
- [Hugs James and Sam]
- Marshall Eriksen: Uh-oh.
- Barney Stinson: Oh, my God, this explains why I'm so good at basketball. Guys, I'm black! Sorry, African-American. No, I'm allowed to say either.
- Lily Aldrin: Milk and lutefisk? Doesn't Santa get cookies in Minnesota?
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, 'cause that's what Santa needs at 3:00 AM while battling a snowstorm over the Rockies: a sugar crash. Santa needs protein.
- Barney Stinson: You don't think I can't talk you into helping me pack? I once got the Queen to fist pump me.
- Ted Mosby: Dude, no one believes that story.
- Lily Aldrin: Maybe you can convince those brain surgeons you pick up to believe you, but it won't work on us.
- [Barney adjusts his collar, cracks his knuckles and clears his throat; cut to the guys packing at Barney's mother's house]
- Lily Aldrin: How does he do that?
- Lily Aldrin: [Picking up Barney's pee-wee basketball shirt] Aw, who was a cute widdle basketball pwayer before he became the biggest pervert in the world?
- Barney Stinson: My mother is selling the house I grew up in. All of my childhood memories. Gone! Just like that.
- Ted Mosby: It sucks. I've been there, buddy.
- Marshall Eriksen: What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.
- Ted Mosby: With her new hippie husband, Clint. The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room into something I'm pretty sure is a tantric sex temple. With all the bamboo, pot smoking and '60s music, it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback.
- James Stinson: Funny how all these girls have the exact same handwriting as the Postmaster General, mom, and home-run king...
- [Reads from encased baseball]
- James Stinson: ... Frank Aaron.
- Barney Stinson: Ted, capture this moment.
- Ted Mosby: I think you'll need Salvador Dali to capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl.
- Ted Mosby: Wait a minute. Yo said she was a ten. Why would she want to date the incontinent freakshow you just described? You oversold her!
- Robin Scherbatsky: Maybe a little.
- Ted Mosby: You told me she was a ten!
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yes, but I didn't specify on what scale.
- Ted Mosby: You told me she looked like a movie star!
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, Robert DeNiro. But super-buff, like in Cape Fear.
- Barney Stinson: The coach made me leave the team because it was not fair for the other kids. Right, James?
- James Stinson: Oh, yeah. He was the best. He could throw inside, he could throw outside...
- [Barney leaves]
- James Stinson: He sucked. Mom just said that to spare his feelings.