- Dr. Chris Taub: [to Chase] Listen, this is a tough time for me. Breaking up with Rachel. Moving into a hotel. I want you to know how much your humiliation has eased my burden.
- Martha Masters: You'll apologize to me for something done in a psychotic state, but you won't own up to being his father. What happened to actions have consequences and a man accepts them?
- Driscoll: I'm in his life and I am working on getting him on the right path.
- Martha Masters: He doesn't need a Drill Instructor. He needs a dad.
- Wynn: When we were talking you seemed like a nice guy. So either you're a great actor or you're a nice guy who lost his way. For whatever reason, a little negative re-enforcement seemed warranted... Oh currently your password is "Great big ho." Change it back to anything but "password."
- Dr. Robert Chase: Hey, I'm - I'm sorry. Let me prove it to you by taking you out for dinner followed by not sleeping.
- [Chuckles]
- Dr. Robert Chase: I'm serious.
- Wynn: Not on your life.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Why are you putting hot sauce on a toy?
- Dr. Gregory House: Maybe you don't care if children chew on your caterpillar. I think it's wrong.
- Teacher: Rachel had a great time, played with everything. She's a very clever girl. I'm sorry to ask this, but we've had some problems with parents coaching kids. Rachel caught on to our toys unusually quickly, and she even knew the game was called Feed the Monkey.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, as eager as I am to have her go here, I promise you, I would never do that. Hey, Rachel, have you ever played Feed the Monkey before?
- Rachel Cuddy: ...No, Mama.
- Dr. Robert Chase: We talked at the reception. That's why you hate me?
- Bree: It was fun.
- Dr. Robert Chase: It was great.
- Bree: Until I mentioned that I don't sleep with guys on the first date, and then you said you had to go to the bathroom and you never came back. Actions have consequences.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Do you take vengeance on every guy who acts like an ass? Could be a full-time job.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [about a photo of himself] That... is not me.
- Dr. Chris Taub: That is you.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [Pointing to part of picture] Th-that's me.
- [Pointing to another part]
- Dr. Robert Chase: But th-that is not. Whoever did this made it smaller. Much, much smaller.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Whoever did this has a bone to pick with you. Ironic, since your bone...
- Dr. Robert Chase: It is not in that picture. My proof is right here.
- [Starts to undo his belt]
- Dr. Robert Chase: You really want to see it?
- Driscoll: Yeah, well, it beats the alternatives, which is ending up in jail or in a gang *or* a coffin.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: How often you pull that off?
- Driscoll: Two-thirds never re-offend. That's better numbers than juvie.
- [Masters gives a disapproving look]
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She's brilliant, but, uh, new to the real world.
- Driscoll: Yeah.
- Driscoll: You know I used to be a real screw up. Military taught me that actions always have consequences. Part of being a man is accepting them. You know, after all the times I said that to the kids, apology is necessary.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You live with your parents?
- Kenzie: Oh, just until graduation?
- Dr. Robert Chase: College?... How old are you?
- Kenzie: 18... Next month. Relax. It's not illegal or anything.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cath him, and see what's stopping him from emptying his bilge. Oh, not you, Chase. Sending Captain Micropenis to deal with what's probably normal-sized equipment? That's too cruel even for me.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I was hoping to get in touch. Thing is, I'm a bit fuzzy on names. Sorry, open bar. She was sitting at Dr. Simpson's table, brunette, purple dress, low-cut.
- Sanford Wells: That's my niece, Winn Phillips.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Your niece? Fantastic.
- Sanford Wells: Her info is in your e-mail.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Also, there was a blonde, green dress.
- Sanford Wells: You want me to hook you up with two women?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Actually, three.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well done, Chase. Now turn off your phone.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You heard that? It's on vibrate.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm assuming it's been ringing almost non-stop since you changed your status update to, "Nothing lights my fire like a lady-of-size. Less than three bills, don't bother calling." Followed by your cell number.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. Problem is Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
- Dr. James Wilson: And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy cares about her, which means when Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. Then, as a boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
- Dr. James Wilson: Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
- Dr. Gregory House: "Play date" being their code for "way to weed out the paste sandwiches." They'll hand her puzzles and counting games and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces.
- Dr. James Wilson: [House gets a hint and walks away] Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker.
- Dr. Gregory House: Thanks for the advice.
- Martha Masters: They're treating the symptom instead of the disease. Basic systems theory. Troubled kids are produced by troubled families. This place doesn't even attempt to change the environment that damaged them in the first place.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: So there are no bad kids, only bad parents? Then why is my brother an ex-con?
- Martha Masters: Treating kids decently doesn't mean identically. Some kids need more structure or discipline. Nobody needs this place.
- Dr. Robert Chase: How generous is "extraordinarily generous?"
- Martha Masters: Call the charity, explain the donation is a fraud.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: And take back Wells's wedding gift? *You* are extraordinarily screwed.
- Dr. Gregory House: She seems so dumb. But when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done and she did it.