- Dr. Gregory House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Make it two.
- Dr. Gregory House: Bitch.
- [last lines]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You don't take vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain: drugs, sarcasm, keep me and everybody at arm's lenght so no one can hurts you.
- Dr. Gregory House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it is a buried treasure?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [sadly] Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems - their fears. And you're not willing to do that.
- Dr. Gregory House: I-I-I came to be with you.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: But you weren't with me. Not really.
- Dr. Gregory House: I wanted to be.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That's not enough.
- Dr. Gregory House: I can do better.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I don't think you can.
- [pauses]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again because that's who you are... I'm sorry.
- Dr. Gregory House: No. No. No. No. Don't. Don't.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I thought I could do this.
- Dr. Gregory House: Don't. Please, don't.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...Goodbye, House.
- Dr. Chris Taub: The kid scratched out the faces of half of his class. You don't think that's a problem?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It's not *our* problem.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my 10th grade Geometry teacher about 5 different ways in my mind.
- Martha Masters: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement - preferably with acid. Guys... ever think what you might do to House?
- Dr. Chris Taub: [the elevator opens. The team gets in the elevator. Slight pause] Maybe it's no big deal.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Unless it is. Somebody shot House.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [as Cuddy is about to be examined] You really don't have to be here.
- Dr. Gregory House: You're my girlfriend. I'm being supportive.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm mainly talking about *them*.
- [Cut to House's team]
- Dr. James Wilson: House, I'm not going to tell you a third time. Do not screw this up! Because I *really* don't want to clean up the mess.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Although, maybe we should have just played a few games of "Savage 21: The Revenge" Because that's obviously the best way to make someone feel better.
- Dr. Gregory House: Keep talking like Wilson, and your face is gonna freeze like that.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Look, however bad you think you're gonna be in that room, not being there is worse.
- [first lines]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [wakes up, looking for House] House?
- [someone holds her ankle]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Oh, my God! What the hell?
- Dr. Gregory House: [appears from under the bed] Gotcha.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap out of me?
- Dr. Gregory House: Set an alarm and everything.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's like dating a 10-year-old.
- Dr. Gregory House: God, I hope not... Now that we're down here...
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Hold that thought.
- Dr. Gregory House: Seriously?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to pee.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'll wait. I brought a book. Didn't know what time your alarm was set for.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [from bathroom] House?
- Dr. Gregory House: You know, you could rent this space out down here. In Japan, that would be like a deluxe...
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House, shut up. There's blood in my urine.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [about House's team] Get them out of here. My urethra is not for public entertainment.
- Dr. Gregory House: But it is good time adjacent.
- Julia Cuddy: It's not even a question. Of course, I'll be Rachel's guardian. And House is cool with this? I mean you guys...
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: We've only been together a few months.
- Julia Cuddy: Hmm. Seems like longer. Probably because you've been talking about him for 10 years. And by talking I mean ranting about wanting to smash his teeth in with a stapler.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...People change.
- Martha Masters: Good for you. You could've just assumed he was a drug dealer, but instead you took his word for it. It's nice to finally see someone have a little faith in humanity.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Why would you do that?
- Dr. Chris Taub: So I should call the cops?
- Martha Masters: Of course, over-identification with the subject could skew the calculation towards being over-protective, or alternatively...
- Dr. Chris Taub: You suck at this!
- Martha Masters: ...Hate the statistics, not the statisician.
- Dr. Gregory House: [sings] Forget your troubles, come on get happy. You better chase all your cares away. Shout hallelujah, come on get happy. Get ready for the judgment day. The sun is shining, come on get happy. The load is waiting to take your hand. Shout hallelujah, come on get happy. We're going to the promised... land.
- Dancer #1, Dancer #2, Dancer #3, Dancer #4, Dancer #5, Dancer #6, Dancer #7, Dancer #8, Dancer #9: [Chorus] We're heading across the river. Wash your sins away the tide. It's all so peaceful on the other side. On the other side.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] Meet you in the cafeteria in 10. There'll be a corndog with your name on it. I mean an actual corndog. They fixed the deep fryer.
- Dr. James Wilson: [knock, knock] I'll get it.
- Dr. Gregory House: That better be her.
- Dr. James Wilson: [opens the door and finds Rachel with Officer] Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.
- Rachel Cuddy: Don't blame me. He's the one who wouldn't run any red lights.
- Police Officer: Mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where'd she learn that?
- Dr. Gregory House: [comes into the room] I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.
- Dr. James Wilson: What's the problem, Officer?
- Police Officer: She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?
- Dr. Gregory House: Nope. But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. Officer, you have my word, it won't happen again.
- [Officer leaves]
- Dr. Gregory House: Because next time she won't get caught!
- [House gives Rachel high five and holds her. Wilson hugs both]
- Dr. Gregory House: [Cuddy awakes from her dream]