Family Guy (TV Series)

Halloween on Spooner Street (2010)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Bill Clinton, Additional Voices

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stewie Griffin : Brian, you took me out on my first Halloween tonight, and you showed me an exciting time. And for that, I'm going to let you pick out some candy from my bag.

  Brian Griffin : Oh, thanks.

  Stewie Griffin : And keep in mind we can't use any brand names, due to advertising concerns.

  Brian Griffin : Right, okay, I'll have a Mr. Wiffle bar, a Kooky Nut Pop, some Gyminyms, uh a Zip-Zap, a Choco-Buddy, uh, a $64000 Bar, a Not-A-Finger, and a Dawkins Peanut Butter Disk.

  Stewie Griffin : God, I hate television.

• Chris Griffin : Uh, Brian, why are you pink?

  Brian Griffin : [sniffing]  Why do you two smell like sweat and shame?

• Stewie Griffin : I was bit by a vampire, so I'm a vampire duck. But I'm a modern vampire duck who drives around with Anna Paquin in a black Mercedes.

  Brian Griffin : What is that?

  Stewie Griffin : It's True Blood.

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, no one knows what that is.

  Stewie Griffin : Rich gay people do.

• Glenn Quagmire : Oh yeah, I'm very in touch with my Asian roots. You notice I take my shoes off whenever I enter my house? I do five hours of math homework every night even though I'm not longer in school. Sometimes, I drink out of a wood box. I was a very cute baby and now I'm a joyless adult.

• Stewie Griffin : [after Brian inexplicably disappears while trick-or-treating]  Brian, where were you?

  Brian Griffin : Well, that jerk dog from our patio door somehow got inside a hubcap. I just wanted to alert the owner of the car.

• Peter Griffin : [after pulling numerous Halloween pranks]  Ah, you were a good sport this year, Quagmire.

  Glenn Quagmire : Ah, well, you know, Peter, it's all in good fun, right? You know, my grandfather used to have a saying.

  Peter Griffin : [he starts speaking Japanese]  Holy crap, you speak Ebonics?

  Glenn Quagmire : No, no, Peter, it's Japanese.

  Peter Griffin : Wait, are they, are they the angry-eye ones or the tired-eye ones?

  Glenn Quagmire : Uh, I-I'm not sure I underst... uh, the first one, I guess. I-I don't know. M-My grandfather on my mom's side was Japanese.

  Peter Griffin : Wait a minute, you're... you're part Japanese?

  Glenn Quagmire : Sure am. My grandfather was a pilot for the Imperial Air Force during World War II. Flew a kamikaze mission in the Battle of Midway. He's part of the reason I became a pilot.

  Peter Griffin : Wow. How come I never met him?

  Glenn Quagmire : He was a kamikaze pilot.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, no, I heard you, he was a karma chameleon, but how-how come I never met him?

  Glenn Quagmire : Because he died, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, my god, when? And how?

• Brian Griffin : Hey, Stewie, you all set to go trick-or-treating?

  [seeing him firing an assault rifle out the window] 

  Brian Griffin : Whoa, what the hell are you doing?

  Stewie Griffin : We're under attack, Brian! By zombies and vampires and a Mexican princess!

  Brian Griffin : Stewie, those aren't monsters, they're kids. They're trick-or-treaters.

  Stewie Griffin : [confused]  Trick-or-treaters?

  Brian Griffin : Yeah. It's what kids do on Halloween. They-they dress up in costumes and they go around asking for candy. H-How do you not know about trick-or-treating?

  Stewie Griffin : Well, how do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?

  Brian Griffin : Hey! That guy is a dick.

  [cut to the patio; walking by the door, he sees his reflection] 

  Brian Griffin : Hey, get out of here! This is my house!

  [running at the door, he hits it and is knocked unconscious] 

  Peter Griffin : [coming in]  Oh, my God, Brian. What happened? Who did this to you?

  [to his reflection] 

  Peter Griffin : Did you do this? You son of a bitch!

  [running at the door, he hits it and is knocked unconscious, too] 

• Glenn Quagmire : [being egged by Peter and Joe, holding a package labeled "dick pump"]  Guys, guys, be careful! This isn't my box.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, yeah, sure. Then whose is it?

  Dick Pump : It's mine. I'm Dick Pump, and I'd appreciate it if you hooligans didn't get your eggs all over my parcel.

  Glenn Quagmire : Sorry. I keep getting your mail, Dick. Hey, what's in there, anyway?

  Dick Pump : Embarrassing stuff.

• Stewie Griffin : [seeing neighborhood kids treat-or-treating]  Oh, my God. I knew this day would come. Rupert, we're under attack by monsters! Dear God! Oh, but wait, there's Superman. He'll save us. Superman! SUPERMAN! Wait, wait. Where are you going? Ah, to hell with him. We'll have to deal with these marauders ourselves. Rupert, man your station.

  [taking an assault rifle out from under his crib and going back to the window] 

  Stewie Griffin : All, you undead bastards, time to send you back to hell.