Glee (TV Series)

The Sue Sylvester Shuffle (2011)

Matthew Morrison: Will Schuester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Azimio : [after Puck and Rachel sing "Need You Now"]  The girl with the mohawk had a really nice voice.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : [taking off his guitar]  Funny. Yeah, man. That's good.

  Will Schuester : Hey!

  [trying to contain an all-out brawl] 

  Will Schuester : Great first day, right?

  Shannon Beiste : Awesome.

• Will Schuester : Rachel, have you ever seen a tackle football game? When they tackle you, it hurts.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Yeah. And not in the good Mellencamp way.

  Rachel Berry : We thought about that. But the truth is, is that you guys don't really need us to play. You just need enough players out there to field a regulation team. So when they snap the ball, we're just gonna lie down on the ground. We're just gonna lie there.

  Lauren Zizes : Well, I'm not. I'm gonna bring the pain.

  Shannon Beiste : I guess they won't get hurt if you stay down.

  Will Schuester : Okay, what do your parents have to say about this?

  Tina Cohen-Chang : We all have signed permission slips from them. It took some convincing, but they understood what it means to all of us.

  Will Schuester : What do you think, Coach?

  Shannon Beiste : I think... welcome to the football team.

• Will Schuester : This stuff between the jocks and the Glee Club has been going on since I started running the club.

  Shannon Beiste : Maybe. It just seems like it's so much worse right now. I've won division championships at three different schools. You have to understand what winning means to a community. Grades go up, the streets are cleaner, crime goes down. It's a sense of pride, of unity. And this school deserves that.

  Will Schuester : And you are gonna get it for us. I mean, you won almost every game this year.

  Shannon Beiste : Winning conference was easy. The team we're up against for championship... they're much better than us. If you don't have the talent, you rely on the chemistry. They don't have to like each other, but they have to respect each other.

  Will Schuester : This whole thing is just so weird. I mean, half of your starters are in my Glee Club.

  Shannon Beiste : I just don't know what to do.

  Will Schuester : [getting an idea]  Do you trust me?

  Shannon Beiste : You're not gonna try and kiss me again, are you?

• Will Schuester : All right, New Directions, let's give a warm welcome to the newest members of Glee Club.

  [overlapping angry shouting] 

  Mercedes Jones : Oh, hell to the no, Mr. Schue. Are you serious?

  Will Schuester : Hey! Come on! Guys!

  Shannon Beiste : Hey!

  Finn Hudson : Mr. Schue, are you serious? These are the guys that made Kurt transfer.

  Rachel Berry : And there's no way that I'm sharing the choir room with a known homophobe.

  Will Schuester : I don't disagree with you guys. But I talked to Coach Beiste about it, and she and I both agreed that the kind of bullying that David does is born out of ignorance. Having him in here, as difficult as it may be for us, is an opportunity to show him and the rest of the guys that being in Glee Club is kind of cool; find some common ground.

• Will Schuester : [watching a rocky start to rehearsals]  It's good, but let's... put a little life into it.

  Dave Karofsky : But we're dead.

  Will Schuester : Then put some afterlife into it. So get out of your heads and get into your characters, all right?

• Dave Karofsky : No freakin' way!

  Will Schuester : We don't have a choice. Sue pulled the Cheerios! from the game, so if we don't do it, there's no halftime show.

  Lauren Zizes : And this is a problem because...?

  Shannon Beiste : It's not a problem. It's an opportunity.

  Strando : Opportunity to humiliate ourselves.

  Shannon Beiste : Hey! The whole point of this week was to bring you guys together; to bring the school together.

  Azimio : Wait, so you want us to play the first half, change into some "sequeen" ball gowns, and then go out and do the halftime show at our championship game?

  Shannon Beiste : Yes.

  Azimio : It's the championship game! This is a crazy town.

• Will Schuester : [watching a rehearsal of "She's Not There"]  Guys...

  [glancing at Coach Beiste, who gives a nod of approval] 

  Will Schuester : Awesome! Seriously. All you football players nailing that Zombies classic o-on the first time out. I am impressed.

• Shannon Beiste : [seeing the empty football sign-up sheet]  I cut 30 guys when we had tryouts at the beginning of the season. You're telling me not one of those guys wants to play?

  Will Schuester : It's like crossing a picket line. Nobody wants to be a scab.

• Katie Couric : Do you regret the choice of attempting to fire a student out of a cannon? Other than attracting headlines and launching a national debate on the safety of athletes, was it really worth it?

  Sue Sylvester : Honestly, I was just trying to feel something.

  Katie Couric : And how do you feel now that the remainder of the annual Cheerios! budget is going to the Glee Club?

  Sue Sylvester : I'm sorry?

  Katie Couric : Let's take a look.

  [turning on a videocassette of herself dancing with Schue] 

  Katie Couric : After a little song and dance to support the arts, I sat down with McKinley Glee Club director Will Schuester.

  Will Schuester : I have to say, I'm thrilled. Sue got what was coming to her, and now we don't have to hold a bake sale to pay for the bus to regionals.

  Katie Couric : [pausing the tape]  Thoughts?

  Sue Sylvester : I hate you, Diane Sawyer.

• Will Schuester : Hey, Dave. Talk to you for a second?

  Dave Karofsky : Look, I know I'm bad. Can you just spare me, so we can get through this?

  Will Schuester : That's not what I was gonna say at all. You're actually really good. If you took that energy you used bullying people and put into this, you'd be one of the most talented guys in the school. Just think about it.

• Principal Figgins : It's decided. You are not allowed to fire anyone out of that cannon without their consent!

  [leaving, Sue begins a tear around his secretary's desk outside] 

  Principal Figgins : It's coming out of your paycheck! Every penny of it!

  [she continues out in the hall with students around] 

  Principal Figgins : Oh, god!

  Will Schuester : It's a lawsuit.

• Shannon Beiste : [watching Sue on a tear in the locker room]  What the hell are you doing?

  Sue Sylvester : I'm sending a message. Sue Sylvester's done playing nice. I just got off the phone with the Ohio Cheerleading Board, and they accepted my request to move my regional to the same night as your championship game. Congratulations. You just lost your halftime show and the cheerleaders.

  Will Schuester : [she knocks items off the desk]  Sue!

  Shannon Beiste : What the crap are we gonna do now?

  Will Schuester : [getting an idea]  I got it.

• Shannon Beiste : All of you are gonna be in this Glee Club for one week, no exceptions.

  Dave Karofsky : She's bluffing. Next week is the championship game. Without us, she has no team.

  Shannon Beiste : With you, I have no team! You guys have gotta find a way to come together, or we're gonna get our asses kicked from here until Tuesday finds a saddlebag full of buckwheat.

  Azimio : If I have to stay, I'm not singing no show tunes. That is the music of my oppressors.

  Finn Hudson : Do you even have any idea what we do in here?

  Will Schuester : No. None of them do. We have to show them. Rachel, Puck, haven't you guys been working on something? Why don't you give it a whirl?

  Rachel Berry : Fine. As offended as I am by their presence here, I won't let anything get in the way of a performance.

• Principal Figgins : Sue, what the hell were you thinking? You cannot perform a stunt that dangerous! Our insurance premium is through the roof as it is!

  Sue Sylvester : Cheerleading is a sport. There are dangers involved. It's the same as when a quarterback is sacked, or a hockey player is slammed up against the boards.

  Will Schuester : Enough, Sue. There is no excuse for putting a student's life at risk.

  Sue Sylvester : I'm a tastemaker, Will. I know what an audience wants. You're not going to take this away from me. I need this. This level of risk and danger makes me feel alive again.

  Principal Figgins : But the risk and danger isn't to you!

  Sue Sylvester : That's the best part.

• Finn Hudson : What about the Cheerios! in Glee Club?

  Will Schuester : They have a choice. Us, or the Cheerios! competition.

  Rachel Berry : Well, obviously, Quinn is gonna choose the Cheerios!. I mean...

  Finn Hudson : Well, that's not fair. You don't know what she's gonna do.

  Will Schuester : I think the cheerleading competition is gonna be a lot of fun, but if you go, you're gonna miss out on us doing the most iconic song of all time. The Super Bowl of pop anthems: "Thriller".

  [whoops and mutters of excitement] 

  Will Schuester : Yeah, remember a few years ago when that Philippine prison did that mega performance of "Thriller" and put it on YouTube? And in the four months it took to rehearse that number, prisoner-on-prisoner crime dropped 80%. Doing that, together, as a team, created a unity within that prison. And that's what I'm looking to do here.

  Mercedes Jones : I mean, don't get me wrong, you know, I'm big on Michael and everything, but isn't that kind of what they're expecting us to do?

  Will Schuester : Which is why we're gonna mash it together with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' equally spooky single "Heads Will Roll."

  Azimio : [more mutters of excitement]  Who's Yeah Yeah Yeah?

  Shannon Beiste : All right, New Directions, Titans, we're going to zombie camp.