Struck by Lightning (2012)

Chris Colfer: Carson Phillips

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carson Phillips : Because a life without meaning, without drive, without focus, without goals or dreams isn't a life worth living. Life comes at you fast. It runs through your body and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like... lightning.

• Carson Phillips : In what grade do we stop believing in ourselves? In what grade do we just stop believing, period? I mean, someone has to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Someone has to be a ballerina. Why not us? I can't be the only one that gets that.

• Carson Phillips : 2, 4, 6, 8. Heard you like to fornicate.

• Carson Phillips : Shakespeare once wrote that life is but a dream - and that's exactly how I live my life, from one dream to the next, hating every update of reality.

• Carson Phillips : [voiceover]  I wanted to be heard so bad that I never thought about listening, but what I regretted the most was that I lived every day waiting for my life to begin.

  Student : What's this?

  Malerie Baggs : A magazine.

  Student : [to Carson]  Dick.

  Carson Phillips : [voiceover]  The higher your cloud, the further your rain falls.

• Carson Phillips : I wrote you a story, Grandma.

  Grandma : Oh, let's see. "Once upon a time there was a boy." Why! It could use a little development, but-but it's a great beginning.

• Sheryl Phillips : You were on ADD medication as a kid, and you turned out somewhat decent.

  Carson Phillips : No, I wasn't.

  Sheryl Phillips : I hid it in your food.

  Carson Phillips : I thought I was just really calm and mature for my age.

  Sheryl Phillips : Nope, you were drugged. When your father and I started our divorce, you started asking so many questions we found it easier to roofie you than answer you.

• Carson Phillips : Malerie, why-why do you film everything? I mean, I'm sure you don't want to remember... EVERYTHING.

  Malerie Baggs : What isn't worth remembering? With good memories come bad memories and I've got a lot of both. At least this way I can fast-forward through all the bad stuff.

• [first lines] 

  Carson Phillips : I always thought death would be different. I expected a great wave of realization to sweep over me - suddenly the meaning of life would be answered along with every other question I ever had - but there was nothing to realize. I was dead.

• Carson Phillips : [talks emotionally]  Sometimes I just don't get it. Life. I mean, why do some of us have to work so hard for things we believe in and others don't? I mean, why do some of us care so much? Why are some of us selfish by nature and some of us are selfish to survive?

  Grandma : [knits]  Dear, I'm making this for my grandson.

  Carson Phillips : [whimpers]  What is it?

  Grandma : [hesitates]  A scarf-blanket.

  [is stirred and laughs] 

• Carson Phillips : I don't want you to shit a dime for me, Nicholas.

• Sheryl Phillips : You need to be on antidepressants.

  Carson Phillips : No way. You're medicated enough for the both of us.

• Grandma : You remind me of my grandson.

  Carson Phillips : I do? Why is that?

  Grandma : You're sad-looking.

• Carson Phillips : You've seen my end, but where do I begin?

• Sheryl Phillips : You know, you make me wish I'd had that abortion back in the '90s.

  Carson Phillips : That makes two of us.

• Remy Baker : I hate you more than I hate the holocaust.

  Carson Phillips : Bite me, hobbit.

• Sheryl Phillips : If you were decent. you would just let me sleep.

  Carson Phillips : If I's decent. I'd just PUT you to sleep.

• Carson Phillips : Poor Mom. She spent her entire life trying to be Betty Crocker... and became Betty Ford.

• Carson Phillips : Thank you for being the perfect example of something I refuse to become!

• Principal : I think I speak for the entire faculty when I say... your son was an absolute joy.

  Carson Phillips : Oh, kiss my embalmed ass.

• Carson Phillips : So, Emilio, how long have you been a fornicating exchange student, hm?

• Carson Phillips : Okay, wait, hold up! There are Imaginary numbers now? Are there unicorns in the next lesson? Can someone please teach me something useful, like balancing a checkbook?