Family Guy (TV Series)

New Kidney in Town (2011)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Barack Obama

Photos 

Quotes 

• Glenn Quagmire : [while watching "Charles in Charge"]  You know, it's kind of weird that '80s white clothes could pass for '90s black clothes.

• Lois Griffin : [about Peter]  He needs a new kidney now!

  Dr. Elmer Hartman : Well, as I said, Mrs. Griffin, he's on a Iist, but there are a Iot of people ahead of him.

  Lois Griffin : Well, what are the chances of getting him moved up the Iist?

  Dr. Elmer Hartman : Honestly, not great. It could be months before he can get a transplant unless you know someone who's a compatible organ match and would be willing to donate one of theirs.

  Lois Griffin : I'II do it. He could have one of my kidneys.

  Dr. Elmer Hartman : Well, we always check spouse records for compatibility. I'm afraid you're not a match, but it turns out you are a match for a Iittle girl who's dying in that next room over there.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, well, how 'bout we concentrate on this family, Doctor?

• Stewie Griffin : Let's go find the big, black sassy nurse. There's always one.

  Black Sassy Nurse : [off-screen]  You can cry about it, or you can decide to Iive. It's your choice.

  Stewie Griffin : [off-screen]  Found her.

• Lois Griffin : Dr. Hartman, please tell me, is my husband gonna be all right?

  Dr. Elmer Hartman : Cancun, actually, thanks for asking. Just got back.

• Brian Griffin : Peter, you're my best friend. You... you gave me a home when I didn't have one, and you've treated me Iike a family member ever since. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I'd probably be dead anyway, Iying under some freeway overpass. And I... I wanna I wanna return the favor. After all, I'm I'm a dog. I have another 8 years, at best. I'm... I'm willing to give that up so you can have another 40.

  Peter Griffin : Brian, I... I... I don't know what to say. You're saving my Iife.

  Brian Griffin : Well, you saved mine.

• Brian Griffin : Where... where am I?

  Stewie Griffin : We're at the playground, Brian. I kidnapped you. You and I are going to spend the rest of our Iives Iiving right here under the slide.

  Brian Griffin : Stewie, what the hell? Are you out of your mind?

  Stewie Griffin : I most certainly am not! I know what you're planning to do and I won't allow it! You're not going to kill yourself for that fat bastard!

  Brian Griffin : Look, I've made up my mind, all right? Now untie me.

  Stewie Griffin : No, I will not! How dare you make plans to abandon me!

  Brian Griffin : Come on, you... you can Iive without a dog, Stewie, but you can't Iive without a father. And besides, how exactly do you think we're supposed to Iive here on the playground?

  Stewie Griffin : We'II do fine, Brian! Everything is right here where we need it! The jungle gym is the grocery store, the swing set is the mall, the seesaw is the post office, and the sandbox is our summer home. Can you believe it, Brian? We... we have a summer home! I mean, yes, we'II... we'II have to rent it out some years to help pay for Oh, no, wait, no, we won't, because I'm a famous race car driver. I forgot!

  Brian Griffin : Stewie, you're not a race car driver and if you don't Iet me go right now, you're gonna Iose your dad.

  Stewie Griffin : But Brian, I... I don't wanna Iose anybody! I don't I don't wanna Iose anybody!

  [starts sobbing and green snot starts seeping out of his nose] 

  Brian Griffin : Oh, my God. Just stop, stop, just stop it.

  Stewie Griffin : [sobbing]  But Brian, I Iove you!

  [snot is now covering his face] 

  Brian Griffin : Oh, God, just wipe your nose, man!

  Stewie Griffin : [sobbing]  Can I have a hug, Brian?

  Brian Griffin : Oh, no, no, God, no, no, not now, no!

  Stewie Griffin : [sobbing]  I want a hug!

  [hugs Brian] 

  Stewie Griffin : I Iove...

  Brian Griffin : No, no. Just wipe... oh, God, there's no KIeenex.

  Stewie Griffin : [sobbing]  I Iove you, Brian! I Iove you so much!

  Brian Griffin : Go... go roll around in the sandbox In the summer house! Go... go to the summer house and roll around!

• Brian Griffin : What are you doing, Peter?

  Peter Griffin : I'm making my own Red Bull. Lois can't stop me from experiencing the manic highs and lows my body demands.

• Brian Griffin : Now, since the operation is tomorrow, I thought it might be a good idea to just kind of close the book, you know? So I just wanted to share my final thoughts with each one of you. Meg, you're so beautiful on the inside, but it's very important that you know your Iimitations.

  Meg Griffin : What do you mean?

  Brian Griffin : Well, I know they say "Reach for the stars," but if we all did that, there'd be nobody Ieft here on Earth, right?

  Meg Griffin : I guess.

  Brian Griffin : There you go. Chris, I have watched you grow from a Iittle boy into the young man you are today. I know sometimes Iife seems tough, but you just remember to reach for the stars.

  Chris Griffin : You really think I can?

  Brian Griffin : I know you can, slugger!