- Jerry Whitaker: [Jerome "Jerry" Whittaker sees Barney try to dismantle a basketball hoop over his driveway] Barney, what is going on?
- Barney Stinson: This is *mine*.
- Jerry Whitaker: I don't understand.
- Barney Stinson: JJ gets a childhood, a dad, a real family, and a basketball hoop? No, no, I at least get the hoop, I'm taking it with me.
- Jerry Whitaker: Please, just come down and talk to me.
- Barney Stinson: [Angry] Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame, suburban dad.
- Jerry Whitaker: Why does that make you so mad?
- Barney Stinson: Because if you were going to be some
- [agitated]
- Barney Stinson: lame, suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for *me*?
- Jerry Whitaker: Look, Barney, I know I screwed up.
- Barney Stinson: Oh, "screwed up" doesn't even begin to describe what I've been through...
- Jerry Whitaker: I know, I know, I KNOW! I want to fix this and I don't know how! Please, tell me what I can do! I'll do anything!
- [Barney continues trying to remove the hoop, Jerry briefly goes back inside and returns with a tool box]
- Jerry Whitaker: You'll never get it down like that.
- [gives screwdriver to Barney, who hits hoop with it like a hammer]
- Jerry Whitaker: No, Barney, Barney! Put the pointy end into the grooves. That's it, now turn it. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
- [Barney begins unscrewing]
- Jerry Whitaker: I have no good excuse, Barney. It took me years before I was even able to look myself in the mirror for the way I let you down. It took courage to send me that letter. More courage than I've ever had. I owe you a lifetime of apologies, and I, I just... I have no idea where to begin.
- Scott: [Flashback to Robin and her marine biologist boyfriend] This really sucks but I'm gonna be at the North Pole for the next three months.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Sarcastically] Seriously? The North Pole? Okay pal, if you wanna break up with me, just tell it to me straight, don't pretend you're going someplace we all know doesn't exist.
- [laughs]
- Scott: Um, I'm gonna be studying the mating habits of...
- Robin Scherbatsky: Of what? Santa's elves? Rudolph? You know I'm going on a trip too, Scott. It, uh, starts in Narnia, works it's way up to Candyland, and then hey, congratulate me, I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Teacher at Hogwarts. Expelliarmus!
- Scott: Robin, the North Pole is a real place, you know that right?
- Robin Scherbatsky: ...So you wanna get pizza later...
- Scott: I think we should break up.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Flashback ends] I still think about him in the shower.
- Ted Mosby: Daniel Burnham was an architect whose ever-shifting style and aesthetic made him a true architectural 'shama-leon'. And only the most gifted 'shama-leon' could've designed classic beaux arts masterpieces right alongside sleak modern Flatiron's. His name might as well have been Daniel 'Shama-leon'.
- Betty: Uhm, professor? Uh, do you mean chameleon?
- Ted Mosby: [Giggling arrogantly] Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced 'shama-leon'.
- [Students nod 'no']
- Ted Mosby: [Embarrassed] Class dismissed. No homework for a while.
- Barney Stinson: Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.
- Jerry Whitaker: [Telling a story] ... So then all the county judges started shouting "More Quiche, More Quiche!"