- Himself - Host: [to the camera] hello and welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns, I'm your host Zach Galifianakis
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] my guest today is Tila Tequila, welcome Tila
- Tila Tequila: thank you
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] so you 3.6 million friends on MySpace?
- Tila Tequila: yes
- Himself - Host: who's "Darryl"?
- Tila Tequila: [confused] Darryl"?
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] I'm just kidding a little with you here.
- Himself - Host: maybe you and I and a friend and hang out and stuff?
- Tila Tequila: yeah absolutely
- Himself - Host: do you jet ski?
- Tila Tequila: oh, my gosh I love jet skiing
- Himself - Host: [jokingly] my dream is to jet ski around the world, could we do that?
- Tila Tequila: [excited] we can totally do that
- Himself - Host: yeah, it's been "enlightening" and amazing to talk to you but unfortunately, we have another guest.
- Tila Tequila: oh, well I had a great time
- Himself - Host: yeah well will you stick around though?
- Tila Tequila: oh yeah, absolutely
- Himself - Host: [to Tila] cool, thank you
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] please welcome my next guest, Jennifer Aniston
- Himself - Host: [Zach presses the red button and the theme song from Friends comes on, Jennifer Aniston walks onto the stage]
- Jennifer Aniston: [stands in front of him] hi, how are you?
- Himself - Host: hello
- Jennifer Aniston: [to Zach] nice to meet you
- Jennifer Aniston: [looks around] is there a...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer] can you move that over move for Tila? Just move that fern over
- Himself - Host: [to Jennifer she lifts the fern tree off the chair] thanks
- Jennifer Aniston: [to Tila, holding the fern] I don't mind, oh look it's a chair
- Tila Tequila: [to Jennifer and Zach, referring to the empty chair] do you want me to sit here?
- Himself - Host: [shrugs to Tila] ok
- Tila Tequila: I'm fine
- Jennifer Aniston: thank you Tila
- Himself - Host: thanks, Tila
- Jennifer Aniston: [to Tila, shaking her hand] nice to meet you
- Tila Tequila: oh, me too.
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] so welcome Jennifer
- Jennifer Aniston: thanks, it's happy to be here
- Himself - Host: [to Tila] can you tell Jennifer a little bit about yourself?
- Tila Tequila: oh umm, I sing, I did reality shows and after that I have my own reality "show"
- Jennifer Aniston: [to Tila] you're in a reality show?
- Himself - Host: [referring to Tila] what she would do, she'd have a lot of people fight over her, to maybe get in bed with her
- Jennifer Aniston: [to Tila] how did that go?
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer] sound familiar Jennifer?
- Jennifer Aniston: [turns her head to face Zach] sorry?
- Himself - Host: [intentionally changing the topic] so, your Greek?
- Jennifer Aniston: yeah
- Himself - Host: so, I'm Greek
- Jennifer Aniston: I know
- Himself - Host: [looking down at his notes] and you changed your last name for show business?
- Jennifer Aniston: but you kept it, you were committed to the...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer] no, mine is shortened
- Jennifer Aniston: it was?
- Himself - Host: [jokingly] it's "Galifianakis-berg"
- Jennifer Aniston: uh huh
- Himself - Host: what stuff do you have working on Jenny?
- Jennifer Aniston: well, this movie we're supposed to talk about "Just go with it" with Adam Sandler
- Tila Tequila: I've also worked with Adam Sandler too.
- Himself - Host: [to Tila] oh really? What's he like?
- Tila Tequila: nice and...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Tila, to Jennifer] right?
- Jennifer Aniston: extremely, yeah one of the nicest...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer, to Tila] did you hang out?
- Tila Tequila: absolutely, afterwards, we'd hit the trailer and snacks and a bunch of food he's a great guy
- Himself - Host: [laughs, snorts, sarcastically] great story
- Tila Tequila: yeah
- Himself - Host: [to Jennifer] if you were forced to choose one state in the US to be struck with a nuclear weapon, only one state or else the entire country would be destroyed, which state would you choose to annihilate?
- Jennifer Aniston: [shocked, laughs] I'm not going to do that...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer] oh so the entire country is going to be destroyed by a nuclear weapon?
- Jennifer Aniston: I don't think that's going to happen...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts Jennifer, to Tila] what would you choose? Rhode Island
- Tila Tequila: [simultaneously with Zach] Rhode Island
- Jennifer Aniston: ok
- Himself - Host: [looking off camera] wait hold on,
- Himself - Host: [rolls his eyes, to off camera] go ahead
- Jennifer Aniston: [a man wearing a life size Vanguard Speed Stick costume slides into view from behind them] oh, jeez
- Speed Stick Man: Speed Stick the "rodorant" for your deodorant
- Tila Tequila: [to Zach, referring to the costume worn by the Speed Stick Man] that is so cute
- Himself - Host: [to Tila] you'd probably had a lot of wild adventures like...
- Tila Tequila: [interrupts him] oh yes absolutely
- Himself - Host: have you done anything with guys in a car?
- Tila Tequila: oh, the car
- Jennifer Aniston: [interrupts them, feeling uncomfortable] you know what? I'm so sorry...
- Himself - Host: [ignoring Jennifer, to Tila] I got a blowjob once on a motorcycle...
- Tila Tequila: and this weekend I'm...
- Jennifer Aniston: [interrupts them] I'm going to let you guys finish because I think this is "unfinished business", so when I come back I'm going to hit the Green Room
- Himself - Host: sure, we're all up for that...
- Jennifer Aniston: [interrupts him] did you get enough questions out?
- Himself - Host: [looks at his notes] I have another question, if you don't mind
- Jennifer Aniston: well what...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts her] no, it's for Tila...
- Jennifer Aniston: [Jennifer presses the red button, the theme song for Friends is played] you know what Zach?
- Jennifer Aniston: [the volume of the theme song makes what Jennifer says to Zach inaudible]
- [segment ends]