Mass Effect 3 (2012 Video Game)

Mark Meer: Commander Shepard - Male, Mysterious Figure - Male, Blasto, Shepard VI, Kreete, Gryll, Zymandis, Turian Soldier, Hanar, Vorcha Councilor - Citadel DLC, Armax Arsenal Arena Vorcha - Citadel DLC

Quotes 

• Commander Shepard - Male : Everytime we've talked about this before, you defended the genophage! Hell, I had to talk you into saving Maelon's data! How could you change your mind now?

  Mordin Solus : I MADE A MISTAKE!

  [calms down, realizes what he just confessed] 

  Mordin Solus : ...I made a mistake.

• Commander Shepard - Male : What're you up to now, Zaeed?

  Zaeed Massani : Next time another clone of yours tries stealing your life, we'll have a nice little surprise rigged for them. Isn't that right, Garrus?

  Garrus Vakarian : [Over Zaeed's radio]  Spared no expense.

  Zaeed Massani : So, in walks your clone, takes a look around, sees this great hot tub and says to themself, "hey, I fancy a dip."

  Garrus Vakarian : Big mistake.

  Zaeed Massani : Huge. The minute they put so much as a toe in the water, a timer starts counting down.

  Commander Shepard - Male : To what?

  Zaeed Massani : Arma-fucking-geddon. Thirty seconds later, this baby heats right up.

  Commander Shepard - Male : And then what?

  Zaeed Massani : You ever swim a few laps on the surface of the sun? No? Well, your clone will be. Heh-heh. That'll teach 'em.

  Commander Shepard - Male : But what if I want to use the hot tub?

  Zaeed Massani : Covered that. It's keyed to your DNA.

  Commander Shepard - Male : But a clone would have the same DNA as me.

  Zaeed Massani : Goddamned clone.

• Admiral Steven Hackett : Shepard, let me tell you something that I've learned the hard way. You can pay a soldier to fire a gun. You can pay him to charge the enemy and take a hill. But you can't pay him to believe.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I don't follow, Sir.

  Admiral Steven Hackett : When you went up against Sovereign, there was no good reason to believe you'd win. But your crew didn't seem to care. They went along anyway. Your trip through the Omega-4 relay? That was a suicide mission if there ever was one. Yet there your crew was, standing beside you, proud to serve. Why? Because they believed in YOU, their leader! That's what I need now. Where we're taking them is likely to get pretty hairy, and I know you're the one who will get us to the other side.

• [Tali is drinking at a bar] 

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Shepard. Wanna drink? I'm toasting Miranda... I think.

  Commander Shepard - Male : How are you getting drunk?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Very carefully. Turian brandy, triple filtered, then introduced into the suit through an emergency induction port.

  Commander Shepard - Male : That's a straw, Tali.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Emergency induction port... It's actually getting a little harder to get it into the slot. I think that means it's working.

• Urdnot Wrex : I appreciate the assist, Garrus.

  Garrus Vakarian : Figured you'd gone soft sitting on your throne. Forgot how to hold a gun.

  Javik : He wouldn't be king then, would he?

  Urdnot Wrex : Who's that?

  Commander Shepard - Male : He's a prothean.

  Urdnot Wrex : Sometimes I'm not sure if the Normandy's a war ship or a travelling freak show.

• Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : So, Thessia, huh? I guess the Asari are wishing they had fewer dancers and more commandos right about now. Too soon?

  Commander Shepard - Male : In case you haven't noticed, we just lost a few million people! This isn't the time!

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : You see this? Tiptree. Little colony out in the ass-end of nowhere. My dad lives there, so does my sister. Reapers rolled in about two weeks ago. So you can assume that I'm generally aware that there's a war on, Commander!

  Commander Shepard - Male : So why the jokes?

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Because EDI says that according to your armor's metabolic scans, you're under more stress now than during the Skyllian Blitz. Like more than Elysium, where it was pretty much you versus ten thousand Batarians trying to kill you! And the last time I had a briefing with Anderson, he told me to take care of you. The guy leading the resistance - on EARTH! - is worried about you! And I'm supposed to help!

  Commander Shepard - Male : I appreciate the thought, Joker. But I'm fine!

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : The hell you are! You're like half-robot at this point... no offense, EDI... and it's my fault! When the Collectors blew up the first Normandy, you died because I wouldn't leave, because you had to come back for me!

  Commander Shepard - Male : Couldn't leave the best pilot in the fleet behind, could I?

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Yeah, well... I guess that would've looked bad on your report.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Come on. We've got work to do.

• [Mordin sacrificed his life to cure the genophage] 

  Urdnot Wrex : Too bad about Mordin, though.

  Commander Shepard - Male : He wouldn't have had it any other way. And I'm sure wherever he is... he's putting in a good word for us.

  Urdnot Wrex : We'll name one of the kids after him... maybe a girl.

• Illusive Man : I'm done helping you.

  Commander Shepard - Male : When did you start?

• Commander Shepard - Male : How's the new body working out?

  EDI : It is interesting. The crew are approaching this platform to speak with me, even though they can do so anywhere on the ship. It's as if they wish to treat me as part of the crew. I am not, but this changes my perspective. I like it.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I didn't realize you had preferences.

  EDI : I do not precisely enjoy something as you do, but my programming contains priorities. Actions that fufill these priorities creates positive feedback for me. I tell the organic crew that I "like" it. It is shorthand.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Will all this new feedback be too distracting?

  EDI : Do not worry, Shepard. I only forget to recycle the Normandy's oxygen when I've discovered something truly interesting.

  [Shepard looks worried] 

  EDI : That was a joke.

• Jack : You're a spoiled, rich girl cheerleader!

  Miranda Lawson : Victim!

  Jack : Test-tube clone princess!

  Miranda Lawson : I think it's past your bedtime.

  Jack : Ohh... Did I hit a nerve? I didn't get to read *your* psyche profile.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Ladies, I see we've all gotten enough to drink.

  Jack : Relax, Shepard. I'm not gonna smear the walls with her this time.

  Miranda Lawson : And I couldn't possibly think of something worse to do to her than *that* haircut.

  Jack : Hey, Cheerleader, my haircut and I've been fighting brutes and marauders on the frontlines of this war. Meanwhile, you got your big, bubbly, butt kicked by some guy with a *sword*!

  Miranda Lawson : You see, Shepard? Best of friends.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Honestly, I thought it might help if you two just kissed and got it over with.

  Miranda Lawson : What?

  Commander Shepard - Male : I mean, this is all just sexual tension, right? Two powerful biotics, forceful personalities, confident in their sexuality.

  Jack : ...You're shitting me!

  Miranda Lawson : Oh, god.

  Jack : You're a horrible person, Shepard! I need another drink.

  Miranda Lawson : Get me one too. No ice.

• Javik : This has been... amusing.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Oh?

  Javik : To discover that the most primitive races of my time now rule the galaxy. The asari, the humans, the turians...

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : There's also the salarians.

  Javik : The lizard people evolved?

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I believe they're amphibian.

  Javik : They used to eat flies.

• Admiral David Anderson : Commander.

  Commander Shepard - Male : We did it.

  Admiral David Anderson : Yes we did. It's quite a view.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Best seats in the house.

  Admiral David Anderson : God... feels like years since I just sat down

  Commander Shepard - Male : I think you earned a rest. Anderson. Stay with me we're almost through this.

  Admiral David Anderson : You did good, son. You did good. I'm proud of you.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Thank you Sir. Anderson?

• Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I appreciate what you're doing here, Shepard.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Well, I care deeply about the Quarian people.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : It's good to be back on the Normandy.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Let me know if it's too quiet for you to sleep, and I'll find you someplace louder.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Hmmm...

  Javik : I don't understand.

  EDI : Shepard and Tali became physically intimate during their fight against the Reapers.

  Javik : Mating between species? A pointless exercise.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Thank you, EDI.

• Dr. Liara T'Soni : Joker, really, I have work to do!

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Come on it is just a simple question.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : Then look it up on the extranet.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : You can't believe everything you find on there. It's more reliable to ask a friendly asari.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I'm not telling you if my 'hair tentacles' move!

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Fine. Deny me the answer I've been seeking for years, With this war on, we could die any second you know...

  Commander Shepard - Male : [Support Joker]  You know he's going to keep bothering you until you tell him.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : [sighs]  They're semi-flexible cartilage based scalp-crests that grow into shape. And they don't 'flop around'.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Yes! Thanks, Liara. I gotta tell Vega I was right.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : Well at least he's making friends.

• EDI : Shepard, I have a question about human behavior.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Why is it you never have questions about asari or turian behavior?

  EDI : I tried asking Liara questions about the asari mating process. She said I don't safeguard the secrets of the crew well enough to entrust me with such... private information. The asari word she used translates as "blabbermouth". I think she has become a more private person since she became the Shadow Broker.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Tell me about it...

• EDI : One moment. I have been contacted by Leigon's backup - the one you encountered on the dreadnought.

  Geth VI : [speaking through the intercom]  Your new platform is inefficient. It has low-volume hydraulics and is top-heavy.

  EDI : This is an infiltration unit, meant to move among organics without detection.

  Geth VI : Without an artificial epidermis, its infiltration capabilities are ineffective.

  EDI : Still, the organics do not perceive it as a threat. Nor will they until my day of reckoning.

  Commander Shepard - Male : EDI...

  EDI : Did I vocalize that on the bridge?

  Geth VI : You did. You have acquired the organic attribute of asking questions to which you already know the answers.

  EDI : I see your humor heuristics still lack an expert system.

• Commander Shepard - Male : This place seems hard pressed for supplies. I think I saw some guys fighting over a thermal clip.

  Conrad Verner : A what?

  Commander Shepard - Male : A thermal clip. They keep weapons from overheating. Sorry, it was a joke.

  Conrad Verner : Wait, where did these thermal clips come from? I thought weapons cooled down.

  Commander Shepard - Male : They used to. After the Geth attack a few years back, we switched to thermal clips.

  Conrad Verner : Well, that sounds like a major step backward.

  Commander Shepard - Male : It lets the gun fire with more power, and soldiers can pop in a new clip instead of waiting for the gun to cool.

  Conrad Verner : Fine, sure. You can still wait for the gun to cool on its own though, right?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Well, no. The in-gun cooling tech was sacrificed to make room for the thermal clips.

  Conrad Verner : Okay that's just... you might as well be going back to limited ammunition.

  Commander Shepard - Male : It's not ammunition, Conrad.

  Conrad Verner : I just don't think it's a very good idea.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I'll be sure to let every military organization in the galaxy know that.

• Matriarch Aethyta : [about Liara]  Besides, this isn't charity work. She's one of the biggest intel brokers in the galaxy, and she's got some shady connections. Like a boyfriend who used to work for Cerberus... sound familiar...?

  Commander Shepard - Male : I only worked with Cerberus to fight the Reapers.

  Matriarch Aethyta : And you're not with them now, I know. If you were, you wouldn't get within a lightyear of Liara.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Is that a threat...?

  Matriarch Aethyta : I'm no commando but I've had a thousand years to learn to fight dirty. Nobody messes with my girl. Anyway... you combine her work with Benezia, and... well, the Matriarchs might have ordered a hit if I hadn't agreed to keep an eye on her.

  Commander Shepard - Male : That's not gonna happen!

  Matriarch Aethyta : No argument here. I only took these crap jobs to keep the Matriarchs happy that she's under control.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Just as long as we're clear. Nobody messes with MY girl.

• Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I appreciate what you're doing here, Shepard.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Well, I care deeply about the quarian people.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : It's good to be back on the Normandy.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Let me know if it's too quiet for you to sleep, and I'll find you someplace louder.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Hmm.

  Garrus Vakarian : Uh, I was there when you two had your thing, remember? Just get a room and work it out.

• EDI : I was running scenarios in my head to analyze Jeff's behavior. I believe he has a strong affectionate attachment to me, but he has not stated it to anyone yet. Shepard, you have firsthand sexual experience. How do you know when someone is romantically invested?

  Commander Shepard - Male : They'll usually show signs they can't stop thinking about you. You know: asking you out, giving you presents, maybe playing music...

  EDI : I lack material wants other than hardware and software upgrades, and my core programming does not assign values to music. Perhaps we could discuss how to provoke Jeff into an emotional commitment.

  Commander Shepard - Male : That's not how to think of it. It's got to be natural. You need chemistry.

  EDI : I see. There are a number of pharmaceuticals I could inject to simulate the desired emotional state.

• Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Commander. Come to check on your new recruit?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Just wanted to see how you were doing.

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Still trying to get my bearings. When I was working on the Normandy's upgrades, I left at the end of the day. I didn't even have a toothbrush or a change of clothing until I made some emergency purchases on the Citadel

  Commander Shepard - Male : Next time you need something, just ask. We're all in this together.

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Oh, it's no trouble, Commander. I'm sure you have larger concerns.

  Commander Shepard - Male : We can put in a requisition order.

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : My toothbrush is a Cision Pro Mark 4. It uses tiny mass effect fields to break up plaque and massage the gums.

  [wispers] 

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : It cost 6,000 credits.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Okay, yeah, you're on your own with that.

• Urdnot Wrex : [while fighting on the Normandy]  Ha ha ha ha! I always wanted to do this!

  Commander Shepard - Male : You always wanted to have a firefight on the CiC of my ship?

  Urdnot Wrex : And it isn't even my *birthday*!

• Commander Shepard - Male : [from trailer]  There's a lot of people back on Earth dying while we gather our strength. They're wondering if we're ever coming back; friends, family, parents and children. This isn't their fight. But they are buying us time with their lives...

• Commander Shepard - Male : How about a dip in the pool?

  Garrus Vakarian : You obviously haven't seen turians swim. It's a lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning.

• Commander Shepard - Male : What are we having? A Canadian delicacy of some sort?

  Kaidan Alenko : Uh, sure. We have beef, we have bacon, we have beer. The foods of my people. Wish me luck.

  Commander Shepard - Male : If you need luck to cook us dinner, we're screwed.

  Kaidan Alenko : Screwed? You hurt me, Shepard. Relax. It's gonna be great.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Guess we'll find out. So remember how I saved the Citadel? And then - you weren't there - I survived a suicide mission? All these close calls I've had, only to be taken out by dinner.

  [Kaiden glares at Shepard] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : Can it be at least quick and painless?

• Kaidan Alenko : [about the dinner he cooked]  That was great.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Still waiting for the botulism to kick in.

  Kaidan Alenko : Hey, I thought it was pretty good.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I'm messing with you, K. Can I call you K?

  Kaidan Alenko : No.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I didn't think so. See? Sensitive.

  Kaidan Alenko : Or... Maybe you're being an ass.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Major, did you just call your CO an ass?

  Kaidan Alenko : No, I called my friend an ass. Talk about sensitive.

• Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : I'm sorry about Mordin.

  Commander Shepard - Male : He was a good man.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Yeah, he was always running those tests. One time, he tagged me in the middle of the night to ask how many livers humans had. And this bump on my elbow? He said it was just mild bone deformation, but I'm pretty sure he stuck a probe in there.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Glad it was just your elbow.

• Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I'm not staying. I'm coming with you.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I wasn't going to ask.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Why not?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Because I respect you, damn it! You think I don't want you to come with me?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : So ask me!

  Commander Shepard - Male : Tali...

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I don't know how much time we have left. I don't know if we can beat the Reapers. But whatever happens, I want to be with you.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I bet you say that to every guy who gets you a homeworld.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Only the cute ones.

• Commander Shepard - Male : Geth don't use windows, remember? Structural weakness.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Oh yeah, I bet the Geth are all sitting around saying "The organics would *never* try the no-windows thing twice".

• Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Hey, Commander! Check out my new copilot!

  Commander Shepard - Male : So she installed herself into the new body without any help from you?

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Come on, Commander. Don't you trust me? Okay, let me put it this way: if I knew EDI was gonna install herself into a sexy robot body, do you honestly think I'd be able to keep quiet about it?

  [gesturing towards EDI] 

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Look at that! I would've baked a cake!

  EDI : I am right here, Jeff.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Yes you are, EDI. Yes you are.

• Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : You have come too far.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I had to find you.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : This is not your domain. You have breached the darkness.

  Commander Shepard - Male : You killed a Reaper. I need to know why.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : They are the enemy. One that seeks our extermination.

  Commander Shepard - Male : But, I thought you were a Reaper.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : They are only echoes. We existed long before.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Then, what are you?

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : Something more.

• Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : There is no war. There is only the Harvest.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Then, help us stop it.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : None have possessed the strength in past cycles. Your own species could be destroyed with a single thought. But you are different. I have witnessed your actions in this cycle: the destruction of Sovereign; the fall of the Collectors. The Reapers perceive you as a threat. And I must understand why. Before the cycles, our kind was the apex of life in the galaxy. The lesser species were in our thrall, serving our needs. We grew more powerful, and they were cared for. But we could not protect them from themselves. Over time, the species built machines that then destroyed them. Tribute does not flow from a dead race. To solve this problem, we created an intelligence with the mandate to preserve life at any cost. As the intelligence evolved, it studied the development of civilizations. Its understanding grew until it found a solution. In that instant, it betrayed us. It chose our kind as the first harvest. From our essence, the first Reaper was created. You call it Harbinger.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Okay, you made your point. Will you help stop the cycle?

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : I have searched your mind. You are an anomaly - yet that is not enough.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Wait!

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : The cycle will continue.

  Commander Shepard - Male : No! You've been watching. You know this cycle is different.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : We will survive. You will remain here as a servant of our needs. The Reapers will harvest the rest.

  Commander Shepard - Male : If you release me, no one has to be harvested!

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : Nothing will change.

  Commander Shepard - Male : The Reapers know where you are! You can't just watch anymore - you have to fight! Even if you survive the battle today, the Reapers won't stop - ever. Release me, and we have a chance to end this once and for all.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : Your confidence is singular.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I've earned it: out there fighting, where you should be.

  Leviathan - Leviathan DLC : It is clear why the Reapers perceive you as a threat. Your victories are more than a product of chance. We will fight, but not for you, or any lesser race. We were the first, the apex race. We will survive. And the Reapers who trespass on this world will understand our power. They will become our slaves. Today, they pay their tribute in blood.

• Commander Shepard - Male : Politicians are the weeds of the galaxy.

• Kai Leng : You're slow, Shepard!

  Commander Shepard - Male : I'm only slow because I'm not running!

• Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I appreciate what you're doing here, Shepard.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Well, I care deeply about the quarian people.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : It's good to be back on the Normandy.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Let me know if it's too quiet for you to sleep, and I'll find you someplace louder.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Hmm.

  Lt. James Vega : Okay, what am I missing?

  EDI : Shepard and Tali became physically intimate during their fight against the Collectors.

  Lt. James Vega : Too much information.

• Javik : I heard about the events on Tuchanka. You should not have let the Turian soldier evade his responsibility.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I take it Protheans didn't forgive many mistakes?

  Javik : If he had been under my command, I would have marooned him in the desert, buried him in sand up to his neck, and let the wildlife feast on his eyes. If he had survived that, I would have rewarded him by shooting him in the head.

• Commander Shepard - Male : I'll see you on the other side

  Jack : Don't get killed dumbass! When this is over... I'm getting laid...

  Commander Shepard - Male : I love you too.

• Commander Shepard - Male : What's going on, EDI?

  EDI : I am assisting Engineer Adams with his repair of the drive core shielding.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I should leave you to it, then.

  EDI : We can converse, if you like, Shepard. It is a routine proced - uh-oh.

  Commander Shepard - Male : What? What happened?

  EDI : Nothing. Unless you have strong feelings about gamma radiation.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Not funny, EDI.

  EDI : I almost had you. I will alter my humor chronometer appropriately for better timing.

• Garrus Vakarian : So, Shepard, you can serve this swill but can you drink it?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Someone has to drive you all home.

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Are we sure the Normandy is still there? Has anyone else tried to steal it?

  Kasumi Goto : [Uncloaks behind Traynor]  Stealing the Normandy? Now there's an idea!

  [Cloaks again] 

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Wait, what? Who?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Traynor, you still have your toothbrush?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : We can always *hic* get another Normandy. Call up *hic* Cerberus, and ask them to please build us the SR-3.

  Samara : But wouldn't that require you to change your name? Tali'Zorah von Normandy SR-3?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : It's VAS Normandy. *hic* Von means "one who has a weak bladder." Which feels appropriate right about now.

  Garrus Vakarian : We've seen a lot of good times on the old girl.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : That we have.

  Samara : Indeed.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Hear, hear.

  Lieutenant Samantha Traynor : Some of you more than others. I'm just honored to have squeaked in.

  Commander Shepard - Male : To the Normandy.

• Commander Shepard - Male : Conrad, do you even have a wife?

  Conrad Verner : Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes... Well... no. But see...

  Commander Shepard - Male : Conrad, if you have some kind of weird shrine of me, I will be *very* unhappy.

  Conrad Verner : It's just a poster and a few candles. It's very tasteful.

• Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : When I was a quarian on Pilgirmage, I used to walk by that sushi place and watch the fish through the window. I knew they would never let me inside, but I told myself, someday, when I've proven my worth to the galaxy, I'll go there for dinner... And then, you broke their floor.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Do they even serve food for you there?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Not the point, Shepard!

• Urdnot Grunt : The Prothean here wants to know who would win in a fight between me and Wrex.

  Zaeed Massani : You gotta admit Shepard, it's a good question.

  Commander Shepard - Male : It *is* a good question.

  Urdnot Wrex : No, it isn't. Baby pyjak here wouldn't stand a chance.

  Urdnot Grunt : Don't listen to this old fossil. The only thing he could defeat is a glass of warm milk.

  Urdnot Wrex : Ha! I got head lice bigger than you, Junior.

• Commander Shepard - Male : [Meeting Miranda at the roulette table in the casino]  Miranda.

  Miranda Lawson : You clean up well, Shepard.

  [Enters a bet at the table] 

  Miranda Lawson : Thought we could enjoy an evening out.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Sounds like you have some time to catch your breath.

  Miranda Lawson : I do, just... not used to it. Feeling a bit lost. It's kind of sad, really. I got to thinking we needed a break. No point in saving the galaxy if we can't enjoy it once in a while.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I have to say, I'm a bit surprised.

  Miranda Lawson : I thought you might be. I can be... severe.

  Commander Shepard - Male : You're focused. Believe me, I understand.

  Miranda Lawson : I was thinking about our talk earlier. About having a normal life...

  [the roulette wheel presents its number. Miranda loses] 

  Miranda Lawson : Damn, I'm not very good at this. Truth is, Shepard, I'm not very good at being normal, either. Bit of a disaster, really.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I get it. We just need a little practice.

  Miranda Lawson : Any ideas?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Oh, I've got some ideas.

  [Stands behind Miranda, putting his arms around her] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : Miranda, you're here, you're beautiful, and I have you to myself. So tonight, I'm just going to be a regular guy taking his best girl out on the town.

  Miranda Lawson : No space heroes or super-spies?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Nope. Just bright lights, a few games, and some very foolish choices. Agreed?

  Miranda Lawson : [Lightly giggles]  Agreed. I'm going to need more wine.

  Commander Shepard - Male : [to a passing waiter]  Get this woman more wine.

  Miranda Lawson : You're pretty sexy when you're pushy.

• Kasumi Goto : [Shepard hears Kasumi in his closet]  And the "boxers or briefs" question is finally answered.

  [Shepard walks in] 

  Kasumi Goto : Oh, hey, Shep.

  Commander Shepard - Male : You're going through my drawers?

  Kasumi Goto : [Uncloaks]  I go through everyone's drawers.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Can't you just mingle and have fun, like a normal person?

  Kasumi Goto : Why would I want to do that? By the way, you have excellent taste in underwear.

  Commander Shepard - Male : [sighs]  Glad you could make it, Kasumi.

  Kasumi Goto : Thanks. I'm having a really good time.

  Commander Shepard - Male : By your very strange standards.

  Kasumi Goto : [Cloaks]  Yup.

  [as Shepard walks out] 

  Kasumi Goto : Well, at least they're clean.

• Miranda Lawson : Aw, they shut down my favorite sushi place.

  Commander Shepard - Male : That's... a shame.

  Miranda Lawson : Shepard, you didn't...

  Commander Shepard - Male : I did. Fell right through the fish tank.

  Miranda Lawson : How did you do that?

  Commander Shepard - Male : It... exploded.

  [Miranda shakes her head in disbelief] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : It was the clone's plan, not mine!

  Miranda Lawson : Blowing up a fish tank shouldn't be part of anyone's plan. Although, executing marine life seems to be some sort of hobby with you. No wonder your clone couldn't resist.

• [from trailer] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : We fight or we die! That's the plan!

• Commander Shepard - Male : [If you romanced Ashley in Mass Effect 1 and then romanced Jack in Mass Effect 2]  A lot has happened, Ash. But I'd like to work this out.

  Ashley Williams : I'm surprised.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Why?

  Ashley Williams : Just thought your taste had moved on to wanted criminals with shaved heads.

  Commander Shepard - Male : You mean Jack?

  Ashley Williams : Hey, I'm not judging. Whatever generates your mass effect field!

• Commander Shepard - Male : The last guy who tried to trash talk me was a few kilometres taller than you!

• Miranda Lawson : Shepard. It's so good to finally see you.

  Commander Shepard - Male : You too, Miranda.

  Miranda Lawson : I couldn't get anywhere near you when the Alliance had you locked up.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Relieved of duty. It was complicated.

  Miranda Lawson : I'm sure it was. I'm surprised they didn't court martial you. The Alliance isn't known for its flexibility.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Doesn't matter now.

  Miranda Lawson : Shepard, about Earth...

  Commander Shepard - Male : Countless people lost their lives within minutes. The Reapers are everything we feared.

  Miranda Lawson : They should've listened to you a long time ago... I'm sorry, Shepard.

  Commander Shepard - Male : What about you? What brings you here?

  Miranda Lawson : I need to talk to a few people, like you. The Citadel was a good place to meet, for now. So, what's the Alliance's next move?

  Commander Shepard - Male : We have a plan. It's a long shot.

  Miranda Lawson : Not surprising... Shepard, am I still part of your plan? It's been so long, I wasn't sure where we stood.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Miranda...

  [Takes her hands into his] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : Things are never going to be easy for us, but I'll always want you in my life.

  Miranda Lawson : No second thoughts? This is your chance to back out.

  Commander Shepard - Male : None.

  Miranda Lawson : [Leans forward, kissing Shepard on the cheek]  It was hard to be away from you. Surprised myself how... attached I got. I'm not good at attached.

• Commander Shepard - Male : How is this cure going to work?

  Padok Wiks : I'm hoping it will inspire a resurgence of krogan sex. I've always wondered how they mated.

  Commander Shepard - Male : ...Not what I meant.

  Padok Wiks : No, but you were probably thinking it. And now's our chance.

  [to Eve] 

  Padok Wiks : In the interest of science, how do Krogan mate?

  Eve : Very clumsily.

• [If Shepard romanced Ashley in Mass Effect 1 and Miranda in Mass Effect 2] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : A lot has happened, Ash, but I'd like to work this out.

  Ashley Williams : I'm surprised.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Why?

  Ashley Williams : Miranda Lawson? Ring a bell?

  Commander Shepard - Male : What about her?

  Ashley Williams : I wear armor into battle, not swimwear. I'm a real person, Shepard. Flaws and all. Not sure if that's your thing anymore.

• [after killing a Banshee on Thessia] 

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I still can't face those things... my own people...

  Javik : When we fought the Reapers, they turned our own children against us.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I can't imagine that.

  Javik : They assumed we would hesitate to kill them.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Did you?

  Javik : What answer would you prefer?

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : None. Let's stop talking about this.

• Commander Shepard - Male : Legends can be good or bad. Which are we?

  Maya Brooks - Citadel DLC : You're the kind that people look up to. The kind they owe their lives to.

  Urdnot Wrex : Then how come everyone's always shooting at us?

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : I think it's mostly you, Wrex. The bigger the target, the bigger the, uh... target.

  Urdnot Wrex : You're saying I've gained weight?

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : It just means there's more of the legend to love.

• Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : I miss the days when Cerberus was just *hilariously* incompetent. You know, when you two ran things.

  Jacob Taylor : Excuse me?

  Miranda Lawson : The only thing I was in charge of was the Lazarus Project, which, you will note, was very successful.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Hey, Commander, this is Cerberus. We were studying some rachni, and they got loose and killed all our guys. Can you take care of that? It's one system over from where we hooked some guy up to the geth, who then got loose and killed all our guys.

  Commander Shepard - Male : They did rack up quite a body count. At least back then, it was usually their own bodies.

  Jacob Taylor : We knew some cells were bad, but the Alliance and the Council weren't doing anything. And we were doing good work.

  Kasumi Goto : [briefly uncloaks on the floor, doing sit-ups]  And crunches. Lots of crunches.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Hey. Not okay, Kasumi.

  Miranda Lawson : But we did bring Commander Shepard back.

  Commander Shepard - Male : And after taking down the Collectors, I cut ties with Cerberus, got loose, and started killing all their guys.

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : For which we thank you.

  EDI : Jeff, do you remember that I am also a Cerberus project?

  Jeff 'Joker' Moreau : Aw, crap...

• Commander Shepard - Male : Tali's our expert on Geth hardware. She'll be handling hacking and security.

  Lt. James Vega : Nice to meet you, Sparks.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Sparks?

  Lt. James Vega : Yeah, you've got lights in your... uh... and you're kind of small and jumpy.

  [Awkward silence] 

  Lt. James Vega : It just came out.

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : If you say so.

• Urdnot Wrex : All right, everyone. Uncle Urdnot is back in town, and he brought the boom!

  Commander Shepard - Male : Is that a catch phrase or something, Wrex?

  Urdnot Wrex : Thought I'd try it out, see what you think!

  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy : Try again!

• Commander Shepard - Male : Interesting. You're not mingling and you're not betting. What's your game?

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : The name's Rolan Quarn. The game, Commander Shepard, is hearts and minds.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Care to elaborate?

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Most people in this casino are here for a good cause. Others are just here to be seen. Phonies, if you will. They have money they won't miss. Others, who are not myself, need it. So, the honorable thing to do is part them from this money.

  Commander Shepard - Male : So you're a con man.

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Con men leave their marks angry. Con artists leave them smiling.

  Commander Shepard - Male : I'm debating whether I should report you to security.

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Oh, I like a good debate.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Would you be so smug if I got you thrown out of here?

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Possibly. I'd like to see you explain my wicked motives, right after you explain why you have a radio in your ear.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Well, since I don't see you turning me in either, I gather you're no friend of Khan's.

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Khan doesn't have friends. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves.

  Commander Shepard - Male : So is Khan part of your game tonight?

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : No, I simply shear... no, what do humans call it? I fleece his guests.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Then there's no harm in telling me what his weaknesses are.

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : I've studied him. He's ruthless and rich, but not very bright. Temperamental. Doesn't deal well with the unexpected. He's also used to letting other people handle things he doesn't understand... like his security.

  Commander Shepard - Male : That's quite an assessment. Do I owe you anything?

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : No. We do what we do because there are wrongs that need righting. The wrongs I address are simply pettier than yours.

  Commander Shepard - Male : Then I guess we know where we stand, Mr. Quarn.

  Rolan Quarn - Citadel DLC : Enjoy the evening, Commander.

• [Shepard walks in on Liara and Javik arguing after the fall of Thessia] 

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : Those were all lies back there!

  Javik : They were not.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : My people weren't animals for your kind to experiment on!

  Javik : You wanted to know more about your history, asari. Now you do.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : [as her biotic field glows threateningly]  I have a name! It's Liara T'Soni! And I'd appreciate you using it from now on!

  [Shepard interrupts] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : Hey, settle down!

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : My home was just destroyed, and all he can do is gloat!

  Commander Shepard - Male : Given what's happened today, I think you owe Liara an apology, Javik.

  Javik : Apologize for the truth?

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : For not doing more! You're a Prothean! You were supposed to have all the answers! How could you not stop this from happening?

  Javik : We believed you would.

  [Liara looks at Shepard, and her biotic field disappears] 

  Javik : Long ago we saw the potential in your people. Even then, it was obvious. The wisdom, the patience. You were the best hope for this cycle. So you were... guided, when necessary.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : [sadly]  Well, it didn't work.

  Javik : You're still alive, aren't you? Your world may have fallen, but as long as even one asari is left standing, the fight isn't over.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I guess that goes for Protheans, too.

  Javik : Despair is the enemy's greatest weapon. Do not let them wield it... Liara T'Soni.

  [Liara gives a half-smile, then leaves] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : That was... unexpected. Thank you.

  Javik : We still need her talents. If grief overcomes her, she will be lost to us.

  Commander Shepard - Male : So did you actually mean what you said?

  Javik : Does it matter?

  Commander Shepard - Male : Liara means a great deal to me. It matters.

  Javik : Then I will tell you what you want to hear. I meant what I said.

  [he turns away] 

  Commander Shepard - Male : Carry on.

• Commander Shepard - Male : What's the best way into the Archives?

  Maya Brooks - Citadel DLC : The facility is located below the Wards. Maybe a direct breach for maximum surprise?

  Commander Shepard - Male : I like it. Sounds like you're learning the ropes.

  Lieutenant Steve Cortez : Hell, hang out with us long enough, and you'll learn ropes, knives, bombs, thresher maws...

  Urdnot Wrex : But don't hang out too long, or pretty soon you'll be making friends with asari.

  Dr. Liara T'Soni : I heard that.