Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)
Will Ferrell (2011)
Zach Galifianakis: Self - Host
Quotes
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Zach Galifianakis - Host : [introducing the segment] Hi, my name is Zach Galifianakis and welcome to another edition of "Between Two Ferns"...
Will Ferrell : [intentionally interrupts him by coughing loudly]
Zach Galifianakis - Host : My guest is Will Ferrell.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [shaking hands] Nice to see you.
Will Ferrell : [shaking hands] Nice to see you too, thanks for having me.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : You look great, you look really good.
Will Ferrell : Likewise.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : We've never really had a "sit down", one on one, I think we had lunch that one time.
Will Ferrell : We did have lunch, in New York right?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [giving each other the high five] Yeah, you're a big lunch guy too, I knew that was the case, everything must go, kind of a departure for you.
Will Ferrell : Yeah, you've done a little bit of that, where you get to do a little more serious...
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [interrupts him, referring to his fans preferring to see him in a comedy role] You do one for them? then one for you.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [grasping his hand, referring to them previously shaking hands] That really hurt.
Will Ferrell : I'm sorry, did I hurt you?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [to his staff standing off camera] Should we see a clip?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [after showing a clip of a monkey grabbing an object] That was great.
Will Ferrell : Yeah, it was and just to be clear that was the part of the film where the monkey grabs a frog to suck on his genitals.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Right, I think this was going pretty well so far...
Will Ferrell : [interrupts him] I'm having a great time.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah it's nice to have you here, do you mind if I "do" a word from our sponsor?
Will Ferrell : Oh, not at all you go ahead.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [a Speed Sticker deodorant is lowered from above between the both of them, Zach takes out a piece of paper and reads from it, implying Will should grab the deodorant] Handle it.
Will Ferrell : [attempts to grab the deodorant but is pulled upwards out of reach] The Speed Stick? I actually have a sponsor as well.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Oh really?
Will Ferrell : If you don't mind indulging me.
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Will Ferrell : [a blue box is lowered from above between the both of them, referring to the name on the box] It's Charlie.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : It's a women's perfume?
Will Ferrell : It's a women's perfume.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Does it smell good?
Will Ferrell : It's "pungent" and just leave it at that.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally changing the subject when the perfume is pulled upwards out of reach] In your down time what do you like to do?
Will Ferrell : Well, I like to work with the community.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally changing the subject, sarcastically] Let me take a minute to say what a wonderful atmosphere you have here, it's a great set, it's incredible.
Will Ferrell : [to a crew member standing off camera] Can you bring some of those cherries here?
Will Ferrell : [feeding Zach a cherry] I was having some of these cherries, have you tried any of these cherries? Just take one bite.
Will Ferrell : Is that not the nicest cherry?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [feeding Will a cherry]
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [after a crew member hands him a plate of strawberries and feeds them to Will] So when you had the...
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [notices Will is choking on the strawberries because he fed them to him too fast] Are you ok?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [stands up to bite a piece off a piece of strawberry that was halfway in Will's mouth]
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [after sitting back down, continuing the interview] What is your favorite App?
Will Ferrell : Oddly the...
Jon Hamm : [walking onto the set from off camera, to Zach] Did I leave my keys here?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [irritated] What?
Jon Hamm : My car keys, I can't find my car keys.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : That was two and a half years ago.
Jon Hamm : Can I look around?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.
Jon Hamm : [after finding the keys in the fern next to Will, to Zach] I found them.
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Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.
Jon Hamm : [Leaving the set, to Will and Zach] See ya guys.
Will Ferrell : [amused, to Jon] Bye.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [continuing the interview, to Will] What kind of other things do you like to do in your down time?
Will Ferrell : I'm starting to manage dance teams, hip hop groups.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [sarcastically] Oh that's great.
Will Ferrell : Yeah, anywhere from forty to fifty kids, they have a lot of energy, a lot of motion, a lot of fun, a lot of high fiving, a lot of smiles.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : That's basically the "Mantra" of it, a lot of "high fives," is that what you said?
Will Ferrell : [feeling insulted] I said, if you were listening "a lot of motion a lot of fun, a lot of high fives, and a lot of smiles."
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.
Will Ferrell : That's what I said. I feel I was pretty clear about what I said.
Will Ferrell : [raising his voice] I'm listening to what you're asking me and if you're not listening to my answers, let's just call it a day.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : But the "mantra..."
Will Ferrell : [raises his voice even louder] Just shut up about the "mantra"!
Will Ferrell : [yells] Just shut up! Ok?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.
Will Ferrell : [yells] If you can't get the fat out of your ears and listen, then why am I here?
Will Ferrell : [yells even louder] Just get the fucking fat out of your ears!
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [standing up and yelling] You know what? I'm not that fat, ok?
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [sits back down] I'm not that fat.
Zach Galifianakis - Host : [the legs of his chair breaks beneath him] I've lost nine pounds.
Will Ferrell : [laughs as the legs of his chair breaks underneath him and segment ends]
