Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

Will Ferrell (2011)

Jon Hamm: Self

Quotes 

• Will Ferrell : [a blue box is lowered from above between the both of them, referring to the name on the box]  It's Charlie.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : It's a women's perfume?

  Will Ferrell : It's a women's perfume.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Does it smell good?

  Will Ferrell : It's "pungent" and just leave it at that.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally changing the subject when the perfume is pulled upwards out of reach]  In your down time what do you like to do?

  Will Ferrell : Well, I like to work with the community.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally changing the subject, sarcastically]  Let me take a minute to say what a wonderful atmosphere you have here, it's a great set, it's incredible.

  Will Ferrell : [to a crew member standing off camera]  Can you bring some of those cherries here?

  Will Ferrell : [feeding Zach a cherry]  I was having some of these cherries, have you tried any of these cherries? Just take one bite.

  Will Ferrell : Is that not the nicest cherry?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [feeding Will a cherry] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [after a crew member hands him a plate of strawberries and feeds them to Will]  So when you had the...

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [notices Will is choking on the strawberries because he fed them to him too fast]  Are you ok?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [stands up to bite a piece off a piece of strawberry that was halfway in Will's mouth] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [after sitting back down, continuing the interview]  What is your favorite App?

  Will Ferrell : Oddly the...

  Jon Hamm : [walking onto the set from off camera, to Zach]  Did I leave my keys here?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [irritated]  What?

  Jon Hamm : My car keys, I can't find my car keys.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : That was two and a half years ago.

  Jon Hamm : Can I look around?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.

  Jon Hamm : [after finding the keys in the fern next to Will, to Zach]  I found them.

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.

  Jon Hamm : [Leaving the set, to Will and Zach]  See ya guys.

  Will Ferrell : [amused, to Jon]  Bye.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [continuing the interview, to Will]  What kind of other things do you like to do in your down time?

  Will Ferrell : I'm starting to manage dance teams, hip hop groups.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [sarcastically]  Oh that's great.

  Will Ferrell : Yeah, anywhere from forty to fifty kids, they have a lot of energy, a lot of motion, a lot of fun, a lot of high fiving, a lot of smiles.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : That's basically the "Mantra" of it, a lot of "high fives," is that what you said?

  Will Ferrell : [feeling insulted]  I said, if you were listening "a lot of motion a lot of fun, a lot of high fives, and a lot of smiles."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.

  Will Ferrell : That's what I said. I feel I was pretty clear about what I said.

  Will Ferrell : [raising his voice]  I'm listening to what you're asking me and if you're not listening to my answers, let's just call it a day.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : But the "mantra..."

  Will Ferrell : [raises his voice even louder]  Just shut up about the "mantra"!

  Will Ferrell : [yells]  Just shut up! Ok?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah.

  Will Ferrell : [yells]  If you can't get the fat out of your ears and listen, then why am I here?

  Will Ferrell : [yells even louder]  Just get the fucking fat out of your ears!

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [standing up and yelling]  You know what? I'm not that fat, ok?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [sits back down]  I'm not that fat.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [the legs of his chair breaks beneath him]  I've lost nine pounds.

  Will Ferrell : [laughs as the legs of his chair breaks underneath him and segment ends]