- Phil Dunphy: What was on my mind as I was walking that wire? I kept thinking, if I can do this... then I've got two ways of getting across the yard.
- Alex Dunphy: Mom, sign this.
- Claire Dunphy: What is it?
- Alex Dunphy: They finally bumped me up to the harder math class. Third period, Mr. Waters.
- Haley Dunphy: What? No, Mom, you cannot sign this, this is my class! You're a freshman! What are you doing in second-year math?
- Alex Dunphy: You're a senior. What are you *still* doing in second-year math?
- Haley Dunphy: Not *still*, *again*.
- Claire Dunphy: Honey, I-I think those are... jazz shoes.
- Phil Dunphy: No, tightrope shoes. Got 'em at an estate sale, only worn once.
- Claire Dunphy: That-that is not a ringing endorsement for-
- [Phil walks her with the tightrope pole]
- Haley Dunphy: Hey, what'd you get for number three?
- Alex Dunphy: You're not going to learn if I just give you answers.
- Haley Dunphy: Well, what if I gave you something in return?
- Alex Dunphy: Like what?
- Haley Dunphy: You can talk to me in class.
- Alex Dunphy: [Alex scoffs] I want lunch at the cool table.
- Haley Dunphy: Then I want all the answers.
- Alex Dunphy: Then I want a week at the table.
- Haley Dunphy: That'll cost you two pop quizzes.
- Alex Dunphy: A month.
- Haley Dunphy: The midterm.
- Alex Dunphy: Deal.
- Haley Dunphy: Her hand's in the air, like, every five seconds, and she actually reminded Mr. Waters to assign homework. The class loved that. Do you know how embarrassed I was?
- Alex Dunphy: Not as embarrassed as I was when she said eight was a prime number. Eight, Mom.
- Phil Dunphy: Oh, it's alright. Everyone throws up at school. If I had a nickel for every time I puked at school, you know how much money I'd have?
- Luke Dunphy: Thirty-five cents.
- Phil Dunphy: Exactly.
- Alex Dunphy: I let down my mom and dad today, and worse - I let down my teacher.
- Haley Dunphy: It's all my fault. Everything I touch turns to detention.