- Sam Winchester: Hey. Either of you ever heard of Thighslapper Ale?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Is that a stripper or a beverage?
- Dean Winchester: Beverage for douchebags.
- Sam Winchester: [Sam and Dean are reviewing security camera footage of Baxter's office. They are looking for a ghost that can only be seen by those who are drunk] There's nothing there.
- Dean Winchester: That we can see...
- [He grabs liquor and glasses from the back cabinet and places them on the desk in front of Sam]
- Sam Winchester: You kidding me?
- Dean Winchester: Tick tock.
- [He starts smelling and sampling from the other liquor bottles]
- Sam Winchester: [Drinking] I mean, can you even *get* drunk anymore? It's kinda like drinking a vitamin for you, right?
- Dean Winchester: Shut up.
- [He sniffs another bottle and is shocked by the strength of it]
- Dean Winchester: Holy...
- [He takes a drink from it and coughs. They both start downing drinks as quickly as possible. Dean sits down next to Sam]
- Dean Winchester: Alright. Party time. Rewind and go.
- [Sam rewinds and they watch the footage again, this time seeing the ghost]
- Sam Winchester: [Drunk] So, he- he let the thing... outta the box and it must've just followed him to the place with all the... things...
- Dean Winchester: [Also drunk, concentrating hard on the footage] Yes.
- [Gets a wide eyed look and turns to Sam]
- Dean Winchester: Yes. That's smart.
- [sighs and leans back in his chair]
- Dean Winchester: Ohhh, I'm actually kinda drunk.
- [Pours more liquor into his glass]
- Dean Winchester: Me likey. I miss these talks.
- [Takes another big swig]
- Randy Baxter: [off camera] What the Hell?
- Dean Winchester: [Lets the liquor dribble out of his mouth and back into his glass] Oh, man.
- Sam Winchester: [Flustered] Uh...
- Dean Winchester: [Under his breath to Sam as he tries to sit up in the chair and look nonchalant] Turn it off. Turn it off.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Hi, Tess. You want to tell me what you saw tonight? Or maybe you'll talk to...
- [puts on a sockpuppet]
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Mr. Fizzles! I'm your friend! Yay!
- Dean Winchester: Garth, why don't we put the sock away?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Mr. Fizzles wants to help Tess. He wants to listen.
- Dean Winchester: Mr. Fizzles is gonna go where the sun don't shine.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: I'm concerned that Bobby might be haunting you. I brought it up to Dean, and he shot me down.
- Dean Winchester: Garth! Leave it alone.
- Sam Winchester: It's okay.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: No, it's far from okay.
- Sam Winchester: I've already tried contacting Bobby. When that beer disappeared, I pulled out a talking board.
- Dean Winchester: Without me?
- Sam Winchester: You know, I figured, why drag you in... when it's something I could just put to bed myself.
- Dean Winchester: And?
- Sam Winchester: And if he was there, I'd have told you.
- Sam Winchester: Garth, are you drunk?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Dude, I just drank a whole beer. Of course I'm drunk.
- Dean Winchester: [after Garth chugs a beer] Wow, party on, Garth.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: I don't even usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception - especially when I skinny dip.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Monster you got to be drunk to see. Cool! Also... hard to fight.
- Dean Winchester: Ahh.
- [Takes a swig from flask]
- Dean Winchester: Just getting in the zone. You are strictly on wine coolers.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Hey, I love those. Anything sweet.
- Dean Winchester: Well, you want to grab some brunch and some brews?
- Sam Winchester: Ugh, no. I'm so hung over.
- Sam Winchester: [Chef is reading saké bottle] Is there, uh, something the matter?
- Japanese Chef: Well, you're not superstitious, are you?
- Sam Winchester: No.
- Dean Winchester: Not at all.
- Dispatcher: Uh, we got another body up here. Guy's torn to shreds.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: [Listening] What? No way. How is that possible? I Garthed her!
- Sam Winchester: I mean, can you even get drunk anymore? It's kind of like drinking a vitamin for you, right?
- Dean Winchester: Shut up.
- Dean Winchester: No microbrew is worth... What was it; eight Food Magazine awards? Beer's not food. It's... whatever water is.
- Sam Winchester: [Drunk] So, he -- he let that thing out of the box, and it must have just followed him to the place with all the thingies.
- Dean Winchester: Yes. Yes. That's smart.
- Dean Winchester: [Garth is wearing an army outfit] What, are you allergic to a suit?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: No. I just... Look good in a uniform.
- Marie McAnn: It doesn't help Dale's wife is suing us.
- Dean Winchester: Really? Why?
- Marie McAnn: She's angry and grieving, and this is America?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: The witness said that whatever was chasing victim numero uno was invisible.
- Dean Winchester: Uh, so, invisible ghost werewolf?
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Why'd you think I called for backup?
- Dean Winchester: Beverage for douchebags.
- Sam Winchester: Uh, number one microbrew in the Pacific Northwest.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: But we're in Kansas.
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, I rest my case.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Can I have some more Thighslapper?
- Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester: No!
- Dean Winchester: Coffee for you, Tara Reid.
- Dean Winchester: How is your custard?
- Sam Winchester: It's all right. It's getting better. Just wish it wasn't like the damn tape from "The Ring." I mean, I feel like I'm okay 'cause I passed on the crazy.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: You sure you guys don't want to hang out? Grab some brunch, maybe some brews?
- Dean Winchester: Tempting but, uh, we better roll.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: All right, well...
- [Hugs Dean]
- Dean Winchester: [Awkward] Oh. Yeah.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Call me anytime.
- [Turns to Sam]
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: And you, Sam.
- [Shakes hand]
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Aw, come here.
- [Hugs him too]
- Sam Winchester: Uh... yeah. Thanks, Garth.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Sayonara, kemo sabes!
- [Leaves]
- Sam Winchester: You're right. He has grown on me.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: I already scanned for EMF
- [Dean takes out his scanner, it starts going off]
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: Oh. Um... I guess mine must be broken again.
- Garth Fitzgerald IV: I feel sad for those brewery dudes. Spend your life beautifying the world through beer.